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Thread: I'm going through the toughest time..

  1. #1

    I'm going through the toughest time..

    Hi guys I'm really desperate I really need some advice.

    This is my story, about a month ago (17/09/19), my girlfriend texted me and asked me if our relationship was working well. I really had no clue what she was really meant because we were doing well and I know that we are loving each other so much, and she told me she wanted to meet me.

    I met her on that day and she told me that she lost feelings in me and she wanted to take a break. I was literally shocked at that time because we really were doing really fine and I can tell it and feel it. She was so conflicted before she left she cried, she told me I love you and walked away.

    On that night, I decided to text her and tell her that I thanked her for everything. She replied and she told me she was crying and sad. I know from that moment that she was still having feelings for me. I texted her every day from that night and tried to use my emotional words to get her back because I loved her so much and I don't know how I'm gonna survive without her.

    She told me she wanted to meet me on 22 Sep, and we came back as a couple after that day. She explained to me that she still loves me so much and that wasn't the reason that she wanted to take a break. The real reason was her high school exams are coming on the end of October and she needs to focus on it as it's really important to her and will decide her future, that she won't be able to fully committed during that time on our relationship like putting in the effort. Our first break lasted for 5 days.

    This is the thing that made me confused and mad because if you're really busy studying then just tell me that and I'll be thoughtful and understand for you, not like breaking my heart with telling me that you lost feelings in me.

    I ignored everything and try to get back on track with her, but I realized there was something isn't really working after that. I had so many doubts about our relationship now, I became so insecure and needy as she told me that someone kissed her at her friend's party during our break but she supposedly didn't kiss that guy back. Idk I felt like she would of have given that guy any sign so he misunderstood and kissed her. I wanted to talk to her all the time because I was afraid if her feelings were still the same. I asked her so many questions and trying to figure it out with her and push my doubts away. She told me she was really tired of that because she wasn't in the right headspace for this and I told her, after everything that happened it's hard for me to just be normal back right away. I have doubts and questions about us so I really need your cooperation to help me get rid of all our doubts. And there was one point she told me that she can't do this anymore, but she ended up still staying with me.

    After that I did a lot of thinking and thought maybe it's best to give her what she really asked for at the first place - a break. I talked to her on the day after that and we agreed to go on another break as she was crying and told me that I don't have to do this. However, we made a plan that we'll contact each other back on 20th of October as I'll send her some good luck speeches for her upcoming exams and we'll work out from then because we bought tickets to a music show on 30th of October and we want to get comfortable with each other again by then. The second break starts from 29/09.

    After the break one day, I saw her posted on snap chat that she was partying with her friends and I realized she was trying to move on which is something I don't want to because I still love her so much and just give her time to study not moving on from me. I texted her and begged her to come back and texted her non-stop that I made a wrong decision. She didn't agree and told me that she needs some space cause she's not as smart as others and she needs to study hard just to get 50%-70%. We ended up staying the same with our first plan as we'll contact each other on 20/10.

    We didn't talk for the first 2 days. But on the third day, she texted me and asked where I was. I was so confused and she explained she is having a lecture in the city and going to the city reminds her a lot about me and she asked if there was any possible chance she can meet me. But we ended up didn't meet in the city because her group were already leaving. I realized that was a chance for me to get her back rn as I saw some sign in her. I sprinted right away to her place which takes me an hour. We had a chat and were still kissing each other and told how much we love each other as we both still love each other a lot. But she didn't change her mind, and we still stay with our first plan.

    2 days after that, she texted me again... and asked me how have I been. At this point, I knew that she was so conflicted and she doesn't even know what she wants. She told me that she was having a bad day and wished I were there with her cause she needed my company to comfort her. I swear that was around 10 pm and I was about to leave my house and go to her place which is an hour away from me. I ended up didn't come because she didn't want me to because if I went there I'll need to stay over with her cause there will be no public transport that late anymore. And I can't stay over because she had exams on the next day and her parents wouldn't be happy about it.

    After that day, we texted each other back as I see some good signs from her. I was hoping this might be the chance to get her back. But no, on the day after that, she received some good news and totally went back to normal again, she wasn't in a bad mood and need my company anymore. I didn't know that and was still trying to convince her to come back to me that I want to go through this tough time with her and want she to share all her stresses with me like she always did. I sent her a lot paragraph to tell her how I felt and really I love her so much. She barely replied and only replied with short sentences and she told me she still needed some space to study.

    I became so insecure, needy and desperate again as she doesn't reply to me much and at this point, I felt like my heart was tested so much and it's totally broken. Today she needs me, tomorrow she doesn't need me anymore. I ended up became so desperate and sent her hundreds of text and told her how bad I need to see her because I know things will get better when we meet each other. She told me that she's a little bit scared of me now because of my obsession. I was totally acting by my instinct of about to lose something that's precious to me.

    I think I left a bad image of myself on her mind of me being insecure and sending her hundred of texts. She then told me to come back to our old plan which we'll contact each other on the 20th of October. She also told me that she can't be in a relationship with me rn, it's cancelled and she doesn't know if she can develop her feelings toward me back when we see each other again because of my insecurities. We stopped texting from that day which was 12 October.

    And today is 16 October (4 days since we stopped talking) we're still doing no contact with each other. I'm working on myself so hard and always think of positive things and hopefully to get her attracted to me again when we meet.

    I don't know what to do guys, I'm afraid when I text her on 20th October I'll still receive the same thing. Do you guys think she really doesn't have feelings anymore or she just told me that to shut me down?? I gave up so much on her I just can't lose her I love her so much.

    Thank you guys for reading my long story, I really need advice and help from people or not i'll really get depressed... :(

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? She seems rather roundabout in her way of communication. For example rather than tell you she's unhappy she asks if you if things are ok. Rather than break up she asks for a break etc. She's either hiding something or lacks communication skills and resorts to immature manipulation to attempt to force things... Take a break from her to reflect. Clear your head from this ambiguous confusing haze. Let her think.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It sounds like you don't have any life besides her, because a person who doesn't will act obsessively like you've been doing. A person who has a fulfilling life spending time with guy friends, hobbies/interests, furthering education and skills to carve out a great career, and solo time decompressing, is much better prepared if a romance ends.

    Sounds like she wants to enjoy her young years in short term relationships, experiencing many before finally settling down to a serious relationship. That's very common, and most people have numerous amounts of partners and that's okay. People are learning, over time, who meets their major needs and who is too incompatible with them.

    She's been either too cowardly to sever the final cord, or in some ways has enjoyed the attention of a guy who is so enamored of her and let him stick around in the stands, until it became scary.

    The pattern has already been established and will repeat itself over and over. Dumping, space, get back together. A continuous loop.

    A person who cares sticks around and works on problems if there are any. She doesn't care, no matter what your hopeful perceptions have been.

    My advice is to let her go and go no contact. Take action to achieve the fulfilling life I've described. Only when you've achieved that will you be a good partner to a future gf, and you'll know that breakups are upsetting, but that you'll always be resilient because you have a support system and other good things going on in your life. Making a woman the sole center of your universe is smothering and will drive her away. Take care.

  4. #4
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    Jeez...all these "original plans" and "new plans" and "breaks" and "hundreds " of texts...aren't you exhausted?

    What do you do besides obsessively focus on her and check your phone and send hundreds of texts?

    Are you both teenagers?

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    It sounds like she's throwing a crumb your way every now and then in order to keep you in line, as well as hanging on to her crown...so to speak.

    Keep in mind that when you constantly try to prove your worth to someone, you've already forgotten your value. In short, I'd throw in the towel and refuse to participate in her little game.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She's messing with the other guy, it's pretty clear.

    It's why she isn't sure one day and then comes running the next. She's playing you both and clearly, she has chosen him.

    You need to let it be.

  8. #7
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    OP, the relationship has met its end.

    She is young and wants to see what else is out there. She isn't sure there is a future with him, so she comes looking for you when she's not getting attention from him. The way she is behaving now is typical of the young and inexperienced.

    You, on the other hand, sound like you centre your entire life around this girl. I know it hurts when we realize a partner no longer feels the same way, but you need to take a gigantic step back and take several deep breaths. You are clinging hard to something that is essentially already over. No amount of emotional texts, begging or "breaks" is going to fix that. It's a byproduct of her young age and desire to explore. You two are really just delaying the inevitable here.

    Where are your friends and family through this? Do they know what's happened, and are they supportive of you?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I am sorry you are going through this.... ugh....

    I read a lot of the post here on the forum and I have for a long time, as you can see. And it's interesting to me that while, a lot of posts have different details, the stories are virtually all the same. On the surface everything you posted seems complicated and full of nuances. But I think there are some universal truths that we all can pretty much agree:
    1. rejection hurts like nothing else.
    2. hurting someone we care for but no longer feel the same about is hard to do.

    It's just human nature. She is not mature enough to sit you down and say she doesn't want to be together anymore. And sometimes that comes from the fear associated with letting a great person go. Because I will be honest and tell you, there are much older men and women, that can't do it either. So it's not just age.

    But when someone is unsure of you, you have to find the strength to say-- ok. I am not so sure about you anymore either. And walk away. In time, you may circle back and find that you do want to be together again. But you can't count on that or even wait for it. It's out of your control.

    You're at ages where you are still finding out what you want from a partner etc. You have a lot of work to do before you are ready to decide if a person is forever. Use that to give you comfort and support. I am not saying it doesn't hurt like heck. Or that you guys didn't have a good thing going. You can still feel that way. However, I have come to understand that all relationships are good, until they aren't.

    When something bad happens and feelings get hurt, you gotta decide for yourself-- am I a puppet? Being lead around by this girl on her whim? Or am I above this BS. I am willing bet you are above this. It's a hard time for you but this too shall pass. Lean on your friends and your family. Realize there are more women than just her. And you really don't need her or the aggravation.

  10. 10-31-2019, 02:39 PM


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