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Thread: Figuring out how to see each other with different custody schedules

  1. #11
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    Hi Rose Mosse. I think once a week would be great. It's unfortunately once every other week. Sorry if that wasn't clear in my original post. Once a week is babysitters involved or working out other creative ways to spend time together. I do want to take things slow, but once every other week is a bit slow even for me.

    As to your latter questions, I don't know the answer. It's something that does worry me. I mean, I am pretty settled where I am. I like the city I live in and my kids go to school 10 minutes from my house and my work is about the same distance. Their mom is also just a few minutes away. My life has about a 5 mile radius ;) Her kids, obviously, go to school where she is, which is close to her house. I really don't know how we'd work out the logistics long-term. This isn't a long term relationship at this time. We're just now moving from the "seeing each other when we're free" to "actively making time to seeing one another".

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sorry for the confusion/misunderstanding. I agree with you that's a bit of a time lapse there - every other week. I'm not sure I'd be open to something like that especially if there's a risk the kids are affected negatively in any way by your relationship in the future. Maybe before either of you get too attached it's a good idea to talk about this together with her and see what your feelings/thoughts are about it. If she expresses some impatience or unable to discuss it /doesn't want to speak about it further or is happy with the way things are and you are not, this doesn't seem like a fulfilling enough relationship to you.

    I'd gauge my decision based on my partner's reaction and the way he/she sees the situation. If you're both on the same page and can agree to come back to this in December, then be patient and stick to the agreement to come back to discussing this in December. Don't do yourself any more harm by getting upset over any agreements you've already set with each other. See where she's at. It's a good idea to talk about these things together.

  3. #13
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    I have a friend who has kids where

    She drops them off at school on friday, her ex picks them up, and takes them to school on Monday, then she picks them up from school.
    Alternating weeks where he doesn't have them on the weekends, he gets one night during the week where he picks them up from school and takes them back the next day.

    Its heck for the kids if they have projects to work on over the weekend because they have to bring it to school to take it to dad's house vs dad being cool where they can go to their primary home at mom's house after school, get their stuff they need for the weekend and then have him come get them.

    Too bad parents can't work out better consistency instead of having the kids have totally different schedules every other week.

    But anyways, that's a diversion. I think for now i would see her once a week even if it meant one of you got a babysitter or worked around sleepover parties or trips to grandma's.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok that's good to know. As a single dad you'll have to manage custody and fit dating in there someplace sooner or later. It will be difficult to get past things if you can only date woman whose custody schedules match yours. Or sneak around at night after kids are in bed.

    How is your extended family? Do the kids like to be with aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc? Time with your kids comes first of course but eventually you'll want some adult time with woman.
    Originally Posted by Rdunsany
    I am not ready to do a custody schedule change. This is very good possibility in the future though. My ex-wife has brought up switching our custody weekends before and I declined at the time, so I know she'd be up for it.

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  6. #15
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    I really think the only way to manage this is for one of you to (either you or your GF) switch weekends so your kid schedules align. The challenge here is that if things don't work out with you two, and you meet someone else, you could fall into the same situation of opposite weekends, and then you and your ex might have to switch again. It throws everything off, but it's not a major disruption, but your ex or the GF's ex may not be amenable to switching (again), and may tell you that they don't plan on completely disrupting their life and plans whenever you meet a "new honey." I would avoid switching until things are pretty solid, and if you do switch, don't plan on switching again. Your Ex has already expressed the desire to switch weekends, and once she gets those weekends, she may hang onto them for dear life.

    I never wanted to hire a babysitter on my every-other-weekend, but this might be your best option for now.

    The distance involved is also a major hurdle.

    Do you have friends/family who would love to take the kids on for some sleepovers? That's way better than babysitters, IMO.

    It would be nice, as things progress, to have the same weekends so that your dates can include the kiddos, and that means more time. This, obviously, is a little further out down the road, but if you two are getting serious, having your weekends align is the best way to go. I would refrain from trading every time someone new pops into the picture. It's disruptive and you can't really rely or expect the Ex to comply, especially if you do it often. You may want to focus on meeting someone more local.

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