Have I done the right thing?

[AvaD21]

Hi ENA’ers...I’ve tried to google my situation for perspective but haven’t really found anything relatable.

Just to briefly say - broke up with my ex 3 years ago - we split because of arguing, I did everything you shouldn’t do when you split, pushed him away & to someone else who is now his girlfriend.

Over the years we have grown to be on good terms. I’ve seen him when I’ve gone out with friends and it’s ended up me having drinks with him to catch up, we speak every few months.

His current girlfriend understandably doesn’t like this, they have a very on/off relationship. She asked him to block me so he did, week later he unblocks me to tell me he didn’t want to have me blocked & that he’s in a phase where he doesn’t know about his girlfriend again. He’s very hot & cold, he tells me she does everything for him & is such a nice girl but that they don’t have the same connection/chemistry that we do. He asked me if I thought we were ‘the right relationship at the wrong time’ ...
I got really anxious because one minute he says he doesn’t want to be with her & suggests things about us then the next, he says she’s done nothing wrong & that he should focus on her.

Needless to say I can’t deal with that. So I sent him a really nicely worded message just to say I’m blocking him and I think it’s best that way so we can’t communicate again. I don’t know why I’m doubting that I’ve done the right thing, it feels sometimes like he’s my soulmate but I also know it’s very complicated with him having a girlfriend so blocking is the best thing to do. Do you agree?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he's on/off with both of you and playing you against each other. When he's having conflict with her, he can hang out with you. He may be telling her the same nonsense about you. Why not find a guy who doesn't have a gf? Much less complicated. Less nonsense, hot/cold, on/off, etc. Do you really need these headaches from him?

His current girlfriend understandably doesn’t like this, they have a very on/off relationship. She asked him to block me so he did, week later he unblocks me to tell me he didn’t want to have me blocked & that he’s in a phase where he doesn’t know about his girlfriend again.

[SarahLancaster]

Soulmates don't break up again and again. You did the right thing. Don't unblock him in a moment of weakness. He doesn't know his own mind.

[TeeDee]

I don't know that that you did the "right thing". To me the right thing would be to be civil when you see in EX in public but not spend time alone with him when one or both of you has a different SO. The right thing would be exercising self control not going backwards in life.

By blocking him I think you did the necessary thing because you are not good for each other & need to learn to stay disconnected. Neither one of you are honest about your feelings . . . you are playing push / pull are we or aren't we. You sneak around being other SO's backs. You talk of reconciliation but you don't do the work or tackle the tough issues.

[Andrina]

You both broke boundaries, since your discussions involved you and him and your romance, involving what was and could be. Highly inappropriate when he is taken. His actions also showcase that he is not good bf material, since he emotionally cheats on a gf--a clear sign he's a player. And if you wouldn't want a bf's ex to be communicating with him the way you did with another woman's man, why do you think this okay?

[Hollyj]

How inappropriate for him to be discussing her with you. You do realize you were emotionally cheating with him. Not a good look, OP! How would you like this?

I am glad you finally blocked this creep. Do you really want someone who is a cheat? Why would you want to be with someone you were always arguing with?

Move on!

[AvaD21]

Thanks all....everything you’ve said has already passed through my mind I just second guess myself and need the confirmation haha

[Rose Mosse]

I wouldn't speak with him again.

[smackie9]

Yup you did the right thing. Not only for yourself, but out of respect for his poor GF. I sure wouldn't want to be in her shoes....and you sure wouldn't want to be there again either....am I right?

[catfeeder]

I'm all for blocking anyone who demo's his capacity for disloyalty. Otherwise, you'll promote yourself from the one he's disloyal 'with' to the one he's disloyal 'to'. You'll always wonder whether your next bumpy road would have him sharing a drink with the next woman (or a past one) while telling her how unhappy he is with you.

Who needs someone like that?