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Thread: Thoughts on wishing an ex Happy Birthday?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    I still have him blocked so wouldn't even get a reply either way.
    This statement here is showing thereís more under the surface.

    We donít block people who meant a lot to us.

    If this was a cordial, drama free breakup he would not be blocked and communication would be open.

    Itís not and thereís a reason.

    Youíre a regular here, you already know, if you have to ask thereís ulterior motives.

    So as blue said, the question isnít so much should I but why?

    Explore that. Come to peace with it. Then and only then decide.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Look, the only reason to wish him happy birthday is a simple one: because you want contact.

    No problem with that, but it has to be owned. Reaching out to someone who not long ago reached out to you repeatedly, and doing so while they are still blocked from youówell, c'mon: that is kind of cruel.

    Imagine he replies "Thanksóit's been a nice day! How's life on your end?" He gets no response, because that goes back into the void you seemed to have closed. Not nice. His nice day just got weird. Meanwhile, you get the pleasure of being a nice person who wished him happy birthday, while still getting full control over things.
    Bingo.......

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If he's blocked, don't bother. It will be confusing for everyone involved to do this. Especially his new gf.

  4. #24
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    I don't agree with the notion that we don't block people that meant a lot to us. Our relationship was very complicated and I needed to move on with my life. It wasn't cos I didn't care; it was the exact opposite.

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  6. #25
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    But you guys are right, it might confuse him. So I'll just leave it.

  7. #26
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    I was only asking to see other people's perspectives. I asked a couple of friends and they said emailing is fine. Regardless of the past, I do wish him well. I guess I'll just wish that silently then lol.
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    This statement here is showing thereís more under the surface.

    We donít block people who meant a lot to us.

    If this was a cordial, drama free breakup he would not be blocked and communication would be open.

    Itís not and thereís a reason.

    Youíre a regular here, you already know, if you have to ask thereís ulterior motives.

    So as blue said, the question isnít so much should I but why?

    Explore that. Come to peace with it. Then and only then decide.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    I don't agree with the notion that we don't block people that meant a lot to us. Our relationship was very complicated and I needed to move on with my life. It wasn't cos I didn't care; it was the exact opposite.
    I don't agree with it either, but the mere fact that you are barred from communicating to begin with should be your answer.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    I don't agree with the notion that we don't block people that meant a lot to us. Our relationship was very complicated and I needed to move on with my life. It wasn't cos I didn't care; it was the exact opposite.
    Please expand.

    Iím not being condescending, Iím truly asking. Itís not a concept I comprehend. If you cared about someone and simply moved on whatís the point of blocking them? Iím FB friends with my high school and college sweethearts, no reason not to be.

    Not stating this in an accusatory manner but the only reason I can come up with that isnít unpleasant ending would be unresolved feelings or manipulation as in a power move and thatís opening a whole Ďnother can of worms... making you reaching out an even more bad idea in my humble opinion.

    Indifference isnít hate or love, I post happy birthday on my long gone romantic partners Facebook pages without second thought because Iím just that indifferent, the only reason I even remember is the little reminder on top of my page. That doesnít mean they meant nothing to me, hell one of them took my virginity, they were important to me and made impressions on my life and who I am today but they are part of the past. This post SCREAMS thereís more going on but if itís not clear to you, thereís no point in saying as much, just as you said let it go.

  10. #29
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    I blocked him because he kept messaging me, and I couldn't do it anymore-being in that cycle of us talking then not. I was emotionally unavailable for ages after we ended and sabotaged things with other people simply cos I still had feelings for him. Just cos you love someone doesn't mean they were healthy or good for you. He was what I needed at the time but our relationship wasn't healthy. It was serious and intense and life changing, yes...But it wasn't healthy the way I wished for it to be. He wasn't a healthy indivdual so those issues were reflected onto me.

    Anyway, I'm over things now. So there is indifference. It doesn't take away how I do think wishing someone a happy birthday, that once upon a time meant the world to me to be a bad thing. I didn't mean it to be disruptive to his life or malicious or manipulative or a curve ball; it's just meant to say 'hey, I remembered your bday, and hope you have a good one.'

    We were each other's most serious relationship. But since you guys say don't do it, I won't.

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