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Thread: He was cheating and moved in with her

  1. #1
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    He was cheating and moved in with her

    We broke up this August after a big fight, we never fight but always had issues like every new couple. We were together for 2 years iand lived together for a little over a year and within a week was already sleeping with her. Everything I’m about to tell you all is information I just found out yesterday.

    After the breakup we tried to work on our relationship for about 3 weeks( I had no idea about this women at the time) he finally packed up and rushed out the door to move in with friends(her) on august 27th

    Me and my ex also work together on a daily basis which makes all this much harder..
    For a few weeks he was very distant and said he wanted to stay friends that I mean a lot to him and will always have love for me... I fell for it thinking he was just staying at buddy’s house.. so i continued to be his friend in hopes that it would bring us back together.

    Things started to change about a week and half ago, he was being very flirty again.. grabbing my butt, small kisses, said he loved me in front of co workers, hugging me... it gave me hope... stupid me had no idea he was living and sleeping with this other women.

    I even asked him prior if he was with her that it would help me move on knowing the truth and he totally denied it. Said they were just friends/ roommates.. I didn’t even know that they were living in same apartment let alone same bedroom.. it came out yesterday by accident by mutual friend that thought I already knew..

    I was devastated when I heard, I always had suspicions of her due to their quick friendship. She was his barber..

    I never put two and two together until now. I’ve been thinking and all the signs and lies are obvious that it was going on for awhile..

    Telling me he was going to get his hair braided every Thursday and coming home 4/5 hours later. No clue than

    Going to this supposively friends house numerous times during week to play video games( he’s 42 years old for crying out loud) But I believed him. God if I knew than

    He obviously had no intention of working things out with me but just waited for the opportunity to walk out the door.. I just dont know why he wasn’t honest with me each time I asked him if there was anything between them. And than too suddenly play with my heart by flirting with me again..

    I feel like a idiot, i 100% know he loved me deeply at one time and just couldn’t handle the pros and cons of working on a new relationship.. he was a coward..

    But I still love him with all my heart, I can’t help it.. I feel so hurt and betrayed and used and angry

    I took the day out of work and got rid of all his belongings that he left here at my house and any gifts he gave me and anything that reminds me of him

    I know I could never take him back cuz I could never trust him again

    It’s just so hard to see him everyday and not have mixed feelings

    I know many of you are gonna say find new job but I’ve been there for 14 years and I need the income exspecially since I’m left paying bills on my own now

    I deleted him from my phone and blocked him from everything.. and am going into no contact
    It’s gonna be hard due to work but I have a awesome support team at work and we are all best friends... we have a small crew of 6 including him

    Hopefully I will heal quickly and karma bites his ass hard

  2. #2
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    I'm sorry this happened, OP.

    I went through something similar several years ago now. I didn't know the full extent of my ex's infidelity until after we'd split, but it was almost surreal to hear about this side of him I had never known. He too moved out and in with her very soon after we broke up, unbeknownst to me. I had a sneaking suspicion he hadn't been totally honest with me, but I didn't push it because the relationship was over anyway. I found out a lot about him in the months thereafter, through random inadvertent discoveries, which painted a very different picture of the guy I thought I knew so well.

    My best advice? Avoid any and all contact with him outside of absolutely necessary communication at work. Lean on your friends. Ask them not to share any more information about him. You will get through this.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. He's a snake who used you as a pi stop and to care for his son. You need to sever all ties.

    Let him and his new gf take his son in. :[Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Ecajan1973
    We were together for 2 years iand lived together for a little over a year and within a week was already sleeping with her. I didn’t even know that they were living in same apartment let alone same bedroom.
    I took the day out of work and got rid of all his belongings that he left here at my house and any gifts he gave me and anything that reminds me of him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    So very sorry as well.

    I've also got a similar story. Spent months trying to reverse the downward spiral of my last relationship—to "understand" her newfound love of being a hot/cold human, for instance—before ending it because you can only spiral for so long. After it ended, I laid out some coals, lit them on fire, and spent two months carefully raking myself over each one, thinking if I found a way to properly scald myself I could find a way back together. Ah, memories...

    Concerned for me, a friend kind of let something slip that there was more to the story than I knew. Cue the revelations of what I already kinda sorta knew, that bright sun I never quite looked at directly: that she had been unfaithful. For months. That all those draining talks missed the mark—were as much about keeping the mark hidden as hitting it.

    I very well know the pain, and share it in hopes that it makes you feel less alone in yours. Scorching stuff—but stuff that, I promise you, does fade and you will get through. Also? What I at least reminded myself is that the "discovery" of infidelity didn't actually change what was really the most painful story: that we did not work together, no matter how much we tired or hoped. Two humans not meant to share space in the world—at all. If anything, as it sounds like you're experiencing, the discovery just made that story clearer. There was no going back to that.

    Hang in there. Keep your distance. Lean only on those you trust, and lean as hard as you need to. This just sucks—there is no watering that part down—but it can be a sucky page in the novel of your life, not the dominant story or theme.

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  6. #5
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    Awful. I am so sorry! creep!


    i would strongly suggest looking for another job. How miserable to see this guy on a regular basis.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this OP :( based on your other thread I think we had an idea this is what was happening but it's always an awful feeling finding out the truth... at least now you know and won't be waiting around hoping he will change his mind (at least I hope not)...

    By the way what's happening or what will happen with his son now that all of this is going down?

  8. #7
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    ...Cue the revelations of what I already kinda sorta knew, that bright sun I never quite looked at directly: that she had been unfaithful. For months. That all those draining talks missed the mark—were as much about keeping the mark hidden as hitting it.
    Another wonderfully written comment by bluecastle... very nice.

    I went through this when my wife asked for a divorce. It was more of the "shock" that this person who was supposed to have your back, actually stabbed you in the back. So I do understand, ECAJAN, what you are going through. It does take time, but you will get through it. The only advice I can give is to let it go, don't spend countless hours wondering what happened, or why he did it. Just accept it and move on.

    Something I used to do... no matter how depressed I felt, I peeled myself up off the sofa and went someplace, anyplace, mostly alone. I went places I always wanted to go, but never had the time... and I discovered this. Even if you completely hated going out, when you get back home and look around, you will have memories of something you did with yourself, instead of staring at the walls all day!

  9. #8
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    His son refuses to live with him at this time

    I have too much love and compassion to throw him out for his fathers misdeeds and betrayal

    Maybe in time, his son will change his mind and choose to either get a place of his own or eventually move with his dad

    But I’ve told him from day one with no ulterior motives that it is his choice and that my door is always open

  10. #9
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    And I definitely would never take or do I hope to be back in any kind of relationship with him at all.. I would never ever trust him again

    Sad part is that he is already doing it to his new girlfriend

    Acting the way he has towards me while in a relationship with her

    They both deserve each other and I’m sure within a months time they will no longer be together

    And my door is closed and double bolted

    Learned my lesson the hard way

  11. #10
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    What will you do if he wants to visit his son?

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