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Thread: Free Therapy Request

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Your level of frustration over this is an indication of how invested you still are.

    I know you say you wanted to be friends for all sorts of reasons, but if that were true, who she's sleeping with wouldn't even be blip on your radar.

    And calling him `just a friend' What she calls him wouldn't matter either. . .if it was just friendship you were interested in.

    You are entitled to everything you are feeling. I just think you need to be a little more honest with yourself. That might help.

  2. #12

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    Originally Posted by misterjister
    the last message from her went along the lines of " i havent hurt you intentionally, he is just a friend but i knew you'd be like this. dont want to lose contact with you. We are better than that"
    Move on. She's a wagon. Want's her cake and to eat it.
    Find yourself someone nicer. You seem like a good bloke.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by misterjister
    I agree fully HollyJ. It's just the underhand, sneakyness that i have a problem with. It's the reason why i'm NC and i know this time its finito.
    The other hard part and real shame is that we had 3 dogs. When i left the first time i could only take my eldest one. The other 2 are mum & daughter and they stayed there.
    It was great to have them all reunited as i was/am their master and they missed me a lot as they did each other.

    The reason for staying friends was they are like our children in a way. So plans were made to stay friends and still go see them / days out perhaps once a month or two. The one ive got is 10 and the eldest with her is 9 so it hurts knowing that they'll never see each other again. I feel real bad about that-

    but i am so disgusted that i couldnt even be in the same room as the ex after this has happened now twice with 2 different men within weeks of us splitting up.

    Does anyone believe this "just mates" thing ? This new man was never mentioned at all. I've never seen him or spoken to him.

    It sounds absurd to me that anyone would just go off on a holiday as soon as becoming single with a man for 10 days to another country and it all be purely innocent and platonic. But she just kept repeating "we're just mates" "he's just a friend" "im just going on holiday with a mate"
    The dog bit is tough.

    I think you would have been equally upset if she had been forthright about this guy. I know it's tough that she moved on so quickly, but I think it's what you needed to move forward.

  4. #14
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    i'm taking it all on board folks. i know the score but really appreciate you hammering it home.

    Her witholding and telling me at the final oppurtunity just a couple of days before the holday booked to depart on my birthday ( when we usually go and she's taken him to the same place 2500 miles away where we usually go too) was through cowardice.

    And the "just a friend" bullshine is also. But also deliberately justified as a damage limitation excercise in her mind. That just gets me used to the idea. Of course she knows i wouldn't believe they are just friends- nobody i've spoken to about it believes it, and im sure she doesn't either.

    This is exactly the same thing she did last time. Then he was just a workmate too. Though he was foreign and didnt have many friends so she felt sorry for him. But it was "we're just mates" "its nothing serious" at first then also.

    After a week or two she then comes back with the coup de grace. "i've met someone sorry x"

    She justifies it to herself as being kind. It absolves her of guilt.

    Yet the truth really is what someone said further up. She's just a user who has taken me for a ride whilst waiting to get greenlighted from someone else she's taken a shine too/been chatted up by. Once that happened the the behaviour and attitude towards me increased making it obviously unbearable for me to be there. Problem>Reaction>Solution.

    Completely planned but done in a way that she can pretend to herself, and new bf if pushed by showing txts between us, that she's completely innocent and has tried to be as kind as possible.

    I'm saying I will definitely be getting the "we are together now sorry x" text soon. The only thing left is to guess when that will arrive. i'd say probably after they've returned. She won't want to do it whilst on holiday (unless he insists) - and dont forget the new man is friends with the last one she did it with too, they all work together.

    She actually almost convinced me that it was her who broke it off with the previous boyfriend to get back with me - but i always had my doubts. Because in the "honeymoon phase" she was distant for a few months- but then contact started again- to the point where we were having phone calls for 1 & 2 hours every night with her telling me how she struggles to get on with him, and how we were so much more compatible etc. When really i think he was giving her the elbow after getting what he wannted - sex.


    Tick Tock. I'll just wait for the text confirming they are together next. She'll then tell him/ show it to him and voila the plan is finished and everything "will be above board".

    It's so predictable and insulting. Gut wrenching stuff when all i asked for, and was promised, was honesty after what happened before.

    I gave her the benefit of the doubt last time. It was so hard but i did. We're all human and make mistakes.

    Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

    At least i know what's coming this time and am already processing what a sneaky, sly, piece of work she is. She will make me look like the bad man whilst she'll smelling of roses - when the real truth is its all been planned behind my back whilst we were together.

    Today's now just turned the 15th October. Holiday 7/10 days. I'm going for somewhere around 21/23rd October when the text comes. I'll keep you posted. I just wish and long for not caring. Ive been had over big time.
    Last edited by misterjister; 10-14-2019 at 09:27 PM.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Deleted. . . .

  7. #16
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    You guys are not together anymore, why are you still agonizing over who she is going on holiday with and whether he is "just a friend" or something more? What difference does it make? The whole Facebook stalking with second accounts, outrage over the holiday, whatever... just comes across obsessive and sad, I'm sorry to be so blunt. She is well within her rights to date other people now that you are broken up, and the fact that you are writing essays venting about it just shows that you are still hung up on her.

    I have had two occasions where a girl broke up with me and then got together with somebody else in a matter of weeks. One of them probably cheated on me, I will never know for sure... but guess what, I didn't really care either way. If they broke up with me for somebody else that they liked better, then it is well within their right to do so. If they cheated and then broke up with me, then I am glad to be rid of a cheater sooner rather than later. In any case, they could not have loved me very much, so why dwell on somebody who was not all that into me? I have enough self-respect to believe that I deserve better and that what these women did or did not do does not reflect on my value as a man and a human being.

    I also have an example from the flipped situation. I recently broke up with a very clingy girlfriend. I will probably start going on dates soon, I do not intend to tell her about it, I do not intend to inform her if I have a new girlfriend. It would unnecessarily hurt her, and it is none of her business anymore.

  8. #17
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    OP, she did not owe you anything as you were broken up. She did nothing wrong. Time you accepted that this is over.

    I am in agreement with everything that Mirror said.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-15-2019 at 01:02 AM.

  9. #18
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    I think OP is pained in that they (ex and new guy) were getting together while she was treating him poorly and manufacturing the breakup so she could be with this other guy rather than her just being honest and ending it and then seeing how things go with the 2nd new guy.

    Shes done this because she is a coward who can't be alone with no respect for you OP. I do agree that she's doen you wrong but It really doesn't matter now. It's done with and you should be glad she's gone.

    You keep asking why she would do this and be dishonest and it's because it is who she is. She's done this to you before but you took her back and acted like YOU owed her for going off with a new man on a 'try before you buy scheme'

    Shes simply thinking if I can do it once and he will take me back and kiss my backside for doing it then he will do it again if new man doesn't work out.

    You literally just need to block delete move on and don't look back.

    No point looking for answers to her motives and behaviours as she has constantly shown she will not be honest with you.

    I do get where you are coming from and it is frustrating but when all is said and done it's irrelevant as to why and with whom. Be glad it's done and she's gone.

  10. #19
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    You are all right to some extent, but Ninjabob *gets* it. It's the manipulation, the sneakiness that i've allowed to get to me. Serious promises were made that have been smashed at the very first oppurtunity. I take the criticisms onboard. I've blasted it all out there to hear others opinions and to help reinforce it in front of my eyes in print. I've done this to try and get it all out of my system as soon as possible with the hope to be free of it all forever.

    Yeah i will look back at this in time and think how tragic it looks, but when i was writing it and at this moment it's helped. After the first time this happened i had never really experienced pain like it. I was distraught in a way i've only ever been before following a death.

    I learned a hard lesson back then but this time began emotionally uncoupling months before i came to my senses and threw in the towel.
    I was always aware that the same thing could happen again and to prepare myself a little. It's still a kick between the legs I admit to be proven right, but that's just how it is.

    This time it's more like a common cold as opposed to pneumonia though and i know i'll be fine. Good luck to them I hope they're happy, but i cant stand sneaky liars and i mourn the loss of (whom i thought would always be) a friend.

    Thanks for your replies x

  11. #20
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    Good luck for the future OP, you will be fine. You have morals and integrity from the sounds of your posts and thats in short supply these days.

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