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Thread: How to deal with a friend like this?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    Crush? Yeah far from that. I considered her one of my best friends. She has been there throughout some hard times & we are very open with each other. Second, Iím far from a manipulative person. I received a large amount of funds last week & decided to share some with my best friends. Again, not to manipulate as it was out of generosity. Iím not a controlling person. Iím just confused as to why Iím being deliberately ignored.
    Well....you may think you are just being nice and generous, but consider the possibility that others may perceive your behavior as out of the ordinary and negative, as in trying to buy their friendship and attention. Thus, people will not respond well to that because....they don't like what you are doing and how you are acting.

    What you need to understand is that most people deep down are very sensitive about equality. They want to feel equals in their friendships. When you give too much, be it money, gifts, attention, or help and others aren't able to meet you at the same level, they will become very very uncomfortable with that lopsided dynamic and drift away from you. Most people hate to feel indebted to someone even if that is not your actual intent. If you cause people to feel like that, you'll lose friends. Food for thought for you.

    Ultimately, friendships are completely voluntary and dynamics change and friends do drift apart. If you don't feel like you are getting what you need from a particular friend, it's perfectly normal for you to quit trying and simply move on. Focus on friends who are able to reciprocate and leave you feeling good. It's really that simple.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    Thank you. Why in the world would I be obsessed?
    Sheís been seeing someone for five months, however not in a official relationship. I only sent money after receiving a hefty check last week. So I decided to send my loved ones a little something out of generosity.
    I don't get sending the money. It almost seems like you did it to get something in return. it seems odd and manipulative to me.

  3. #23

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    I think that's incredibly kind of you. Wanna be my friend? LOL (Jokes)

    Does she tend to see you more when she's not back 'on' with this fella?

    How did she react when you gave her the money?

  4. #24
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    Nah, actually donít need anything in return. And this was my first time doing that. Plus this is her not first time ignoring me like this.

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  6. #25
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    What would I even need in return? Before I sent it, we talked everyday. After I sent it, we talked everyday up until Thursday where she stopped replying to me.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    Nah, actually donít need anything in return. And this was my first time doing that. Plus this is her not first time ignoring me like this.
    Then, why do you continue the friendship, and more importantly send money.

    There are many charities that are more deserving, or as I mentioned, invest the money.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by MurphyB
    I think that's incredibly kind of you. Wanna be my friend? LOL (Jokes)

    Does she tend to see you more when she's not back 'on' with this fella?

    How did she react when you gave her the money?
    Thank you. No, when she was with him we hung out about twice a month. And when I gave it her, she was appreciative and then said how she doesnít deserve me.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Then, why do you continue the friendship, and more importantly send money.

    There are many charities that are more deserving, or as I mentioned, invest the money.
    I only sent money once sis. It wasnít an excessive amount. And the money is been invested.

    And Iíve been thinking about cutting it off since.

  10. #29

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    I had a friend who did something similar to me in the Summer. Knew her a year. She met a fella on Tinder and dropped totally out of my life. Took days to reply to texts, would go over to visit him and not text me for weeks. When I texted her, she'd take a week to reply, full of (Zzzzz) apologies. Basically I got dumped for the new guy. I was very hurt, she leaned on me a lot for stuff and I helped her out with things she needed. I decided to cut all contact and haven't spoken to her in over 2 months now. I de-friended her on FB and have just moved on from her. It still hurts a bit but I know now she's the sort that throws herself 100% at a relationship and forgets about those who are were there for her when she was moaning on and on about wanting a baby and never finding anyone... I noticed she became very smug when she got this bloke.

  11. #30

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    Originally Posted by oheyitsfaith
    I only sent money once sis. It wasnít an excessive amount. And the money is been invested.

    And Iíve been thinking about cutting it off since.
    No don't do that. Be the bigger person, plus you shouldn't retract a gift. You obviously could afford it so let it go and learn from it.

    I'd distance myself from her if I was you and see how long she takes to come back to you. If you hear nothing in 2 weeks, send a nice text saying "Hey how are you getting on?" if she takes an age to reply, you'll know where you stand.

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