Amazing relationship but she's not as turned on by me sexually as other guys

[cainsim74]

You posted your ex mentioned something to her ex, the ex she apparently was more attracted to than she is to you, that she is ready for a “real” relationship. This leads to believe that what she had with him, and perhaps other men, was not a relationship at all, but rather a casual dating experience where she was left with a lot of uncertainty, a lot of distance (emotional and physical), a lot of craving, a lot of longing!

I think you hit the nail on the head in many aspects. She liked him and wanted a relationship with him but he basically blew her off and wanted to see other people casually. He had just gotten divorced and was very bitter about relationships and wanted just spend some time being a player. She would hang out with him in a FWB situation whenever she wasn't dating anyone. When she got together with me, he kept trying to hang out with her but she told him she found someone and also said how nice it was to be in an actual relationship.

[cainsim74]

Smackie9: Just to clear this up - when I say she's free spirited, I meant in no way was she promiscuous. In fact she's completely the opposite. I was meaning her choices of careers and has lived a starving artist lifestyle her whole life.

[cainsim74]

Just to clear this up - when I say she's free spirited, I meant in no way was she promiscuous. In fact she's completely the opposite. I was meaning her choices of careers and has lived a starving artist lifestyle her whole life.

I do know for a fact this the first marriage proposal that she's head over heels about.

[Leah33]

A couple of months after we started dating she went through an incredibly stressful time in her life and almost went bankrupt and finally had to move because of it in August. When the stressful time started happening, I kind of freaked out because I thought she was losing interest in me and that's when I snooped. I feel terrible about it and haven't done it since.

Emotional distance isn't solved by breaching someone's trust.

I certainly hope "snooping" won't be your mantra moving forward if/when any little discrepancy pops up. Like I said, unless she expressly stated that she "was more turned on by previous partners than by you", which is doesn't sound like she has, you've manufactured this whole scenario on your own.

[cainsim74]

No - it's not been my mantra and I haven't done it since. She did actually say that there wasn't as much physical attraction with me as him and this was before we actually started dating and she was telling him that she was calling off hanging out with him because she wanted to see how her and I played out. She also told him she wanted more of a relationship and she knew he wasn't going to deliver on that.

[Leah33]

She did actually say that there wasn't as much physical attraction with me as him and this was before we actually started dating and she was telling him that she was calling off hanging out with him because she wanted to see how her and I played out. She also told him she wanted more of a relationship and she knew he wasn't going to deliver on that.

If you weren't dating and being sexual with each other at that point, how can you accurately quantify her level of sexual attraction towards you vs. him, when there wasn't anything yet to base it on? It seems past tense.

I can't make out if this is conjecture on your part or actual statements and feelings on her part in the present moment.

I hate to say it but early on in our relationship, I saw a text from her ex and snooped and found out that when they were dating she was extremely turned on by him and it feels like she was way more attracted sexually to him than me.

Well - most of that text exchange I snooped on was before we got together. The part where she admitted she was more turned on by him than me was right when she was telling him that she didn't want to to hang out with him because she wanted to date me and wanted a real relationship. She never said anything like that to him since we've been dating and she stopped talking to him altogether a few months after we started dating and he got the picture and hit the road for good.

I looked at her texts a few months after we started dating and were very serious about each other. She was writing those things before we got together. I didn't see them until months later.

Regardless, I really feel like her sex life before she met you should be kept in the past. I'm not sure what purpose it serves to dredge-up now.

Wouldn't a better option be to devote your mental energy on building a mutually satisfactory sexual connection with your fiancée?

[cainsim74]

I'm going to drop off here. I appreciate all your replies and it's been very helpful. We actually had a talk about all this and I think everything is going to be fine. I really need to look at myself and learn to stop obsessing about things that don't matter so much in the big picture.