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Thread: Best way to end things with my dad

  1. #1
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    Best way to end things with my dad

    So I have a few financial ties with my dad that Iím trying to resolve. The short story here is that he advised me to contribute a ridiculous percentage of my income in my 401k to save for a house together. This set me way behind on my bills as he was pressuring me not to change the contributions and I ate up all of my liquid savings. We have a credit card together, and when I came to a breaking point for two months, he made the payment. The minimum was $30, he told me he paid $100 each time and started claiming I owed him $200. I told him that if I had the extra $60 for those two months, I would have made the overpayment myself. I clearly did not as I asked him to make the payment, and did not have an extra $200 to give him. He was essentially trying to spend money that I didnít have as it was locked away in an investment thatís difficult for me to access.

    I called the credit card company today to make the October payment, and the system told me the last payment he made was $40. I texted him telling him what the system told me, and then asked why he says I owe him $200. He FaceTimes me talking in circles and saying he made the payments and I owe him money. I got fed up and said ďNo, I donít. You made those ísupposedí overpayments on your own. I didnít ask you to or consent to it. You knew I couldnít afford the $30 payment, so why would you pay $100?Ē he got upset that I said I didnít owe him anything and started saying I didnít make any sense, trying to make me doubt myself.

    Then he started bragging about the hundreds of thousands of dollars he has in his stock account and he doesnít need me or my money. I told him that I donít care how much money he has, and I no longer want to do finances with him. I told him I want out of the car, and Iíll pay of the credit card myself. This situation isnít working for either of us, and it needs to end. He said he didnít want to talk about it, and I told him I didnít want to resent him. He said he he doesnít care if I resent him or about me that much so I should go and resent him if I want because I already do. I reminded him that this is exactly why his other 4 children havenít spoken to him in over 10 years and he has never met any of his 5 grandchildren. He said he doesnít care about any of his children or grandchildren and hung up on me.

    I want out of the car with him immediately. Iím leasing an SUV that I owe a little more than $10k on, and I believe the car heís driving that Iím financing has around $12k left. Iím thinking about returning the lease, and keeping the car, but Iím not sure how to get out of leases. Iíd like to not have a car with my father anymore by the end of this week and to never speak to him again. Heís way too disrespectful, and makes me realize that dealing with the way he treats me makes disrespect from men the norm for me which is why I donít recognize it.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Somethings not adding up, I hope you see that.

    I thought it was an old VW you gave him and you leased a car because his credit was bad, how did he convince you to lease two cars?

    Also I thought the house was for rental purposes, now you plan to live together?

    It sounds like heís weaseled his way in even deeper than a month ago...

    I think your best bet is to cut him off completely.

    Unfortunately I donít know anything about car leasing except itís not a good idea, again sorry, hopefully someone else will have some advise about that

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    In hindsight, never do business with family and friends. Never have money, loans, credit cards nor anything to do with finances with family and friends otherwise they'll make fast enemies. Lesson learned.

    Hope you can consult a financial advisor regarding severing money ties to your father.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Badlover
    My life coaches quit me last month after another guy left me after sex. They said they didnít think they could help me, and I could tell they were annoyed and frustrated that I keep ending up in these situations.

    I started working with a clinical psychologist, and she has been helping me with feeling bad about the situation that just happened, and I havenít mentioned this to her yet. I plan to tell her during our next appointment. I have told her a little about my dad, and she thinks heís a sociopath.
    Why after your Dr. told you your father was a psychopath and you were advised here as well did you continue?

    Iím just going to quote myself, you really have to start healing girl, walk away from this man.

    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Another serious statement, given what youíve said, why do you feel you need even more validation?

    A clinical psychologist gave you an opinion based on her extensive education and Iím sure much more information than what we are getting. Why do you feel the need to keep questioning what he is?

    Letís look at what your life coaches said, they feel you just keep repeating the same thing and that they are of no help for you, Iím assuming until you break these toxic cycles.

    It sounds like you had a very very rough childhood, I think your healing should start there. Keep working with your psychologist, make choices that move your life forward rather than well get down in the mud with all your demons.

    Letís be honest thatís what youíre doing maintaining this relationship with your father, by continuing to date out of need, itís giving your demons and unresolved issues room to flourish and deep down, I think you find comfort in that, so do whatís healthy and stop. You donít need further advice. Your DOCTOR told you heís a psychopath... if that wasnít enough what are we going to do for you? See? itís all a form of feeding these unhealthy thoughts and coping mechanisms. Sometimes you just gotta see the writing on the wall.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Somethings not adding up, I hope you see that.

    I thought it was an old VW you gave him and you leased a car because his credit was bad, how did he convince you to lease two cars?

    Also I thought the house was for rental purposes, now you plan to live together?

    It sounds like heís weaseled his way in even deeper than a month ago...

    I think your best bet is to cut him off completely.

    Unfortunately I donít know anything about car leasing except itís not a good idea, again sorry, hopefully someone else will have some advise about that
    The VW is a 2017, and I still owed on it. Since he has bad credit, he talked me into leasing the truck and letting him drive the VW promising heíd transfer the car into his name. He never made the switch and then changed the agreement to paying the taxes, car note and insurance.

    The house we were supposed to get together was for rental purposes, heís leaving the country in a year or so. I just want out of this car with him and Iím trying to figure out the cheapest way to do it.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Why after your Dr. told you your father was a psychopath and you were advised here as well did you continue?

    Iím just going to quote myself, you really have to start healing girl, walk away from this man.
    You are right about this, itís like itís all coming to a head with him. I guess I thought he and I could solve this like adults and heíd do what he promised, but that was stupid. He never does what he promises financially.

    I just desperately want out of this situation. Iím trying to figure out the cheapest route because I know he isnít going to cooperate.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Talk to your bank and the leasing company and find out what you can do about the car/truck. Each lease agreement is different. Call the credit card co. and find out how to get your name off of the card you share with him.

    I remember your previous post and it doesnt seem like you've done much to improve your life. Take control here and work on extricating yourself from a bunch of bad decisions.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop going through him. Contact any and all banks, cards, creditors, dealerships, etc and get him off or close those accounts. Stop chitchatting with him. He is not a CPA, so it's foolish to get financial advice from him such as "put money in a 401 to save for a house". Get to a CPA, financial adviser and attorney asap and circumvent your father as much as possible. You are in dire need of sound financial advice. Do not be this dependent on him. Do not make bad deals with bad people.

    Same advice as the last thread on this subject: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Badlover
    So I have a few financial ties with my dad that Iím trying to resolve. I told him I want out of the car, and Iíll pay of the credit card myself. Iím leasing an SUV that I owe a little more than $10k on, and I believe the car heís driving that Iím financing has around $12k left. Iím thinking about returning the lease, and keeping the car, but Iím not sure how to get out of leases.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Has your therapist touched base on the fact that you are in a totally codependent relationship with your father?

    Do what has been suggested by Wiseman and seek your advice from professional people that can actually guide you out of this mess you've created due to said codependency.

    Good luck... Do something tomorrow and don't waste anymore time, money or emotion on your (apparent) sociopathic father.


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