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Thread: Did I do the right thing

  1. #1

    Did I do the right thing

    Hi, my ex is trying to ruin my life and I'm unsure how to handle things. Their actions have created doubt that my actions were in my best interest and they've left me feeling guilty as if I've hurt them.

    I have been in an on and off again relationship with this woman for the past 4 years, and I was a part of her and her children's lives throughout (we also work together). Following her reaching out to me when we were 'off' we started dating again where she claimed she didnt want me to have any expectations and she felt she wanted to find her feet on her own (she often got back with the children's father after breaking things off with me. Shes never really been on her own. She would usually end things and I would often chase her). I took this to mean she wanted to casually dates I did just that whilst also casually dating and enjoying time exploring the dating scene with other women. She started to get distant and cancel dates all the time, on some occasions just minutes before leaving to meet her. I felt she wasnt valueing my time so I challenged her behaviour expressing although we went serious I wasnt interested in someone who didnt value my time and would rather spend time with someone else. She reacted by telling me she didnt care and I could do what I want. So I did. A couple of weeks later she found I was dating someone else and confronted me whereby I referred her back to when she said she dodnt care and wanted to me to have no expectations. She proceeded to talk to the girl I was currently dating telling them about us, although this didnt really have any affect as the new woman wasnt interested. I continued dating the other woman. However now my previous lover will not stop causing issues, she has made up accusation of stalking and harassment at work eventhough we were dating. She is now proclaiming I have acted inappropriately. She has made official HR complaints and has even threatened to sue the department because of this. She claims I make her feel unsafe and she cannot come back to work unless I'm dismissed, shes telling everyone I ruined her life and caused her to have mental health problems. This has caused some mixed up feeling for me. When she saw me she was verbally abusive shouting I need to stay away from her eventhough I ignored her when I saw her. I know shes playing the victim and I have heard she is back with her old boyfriend. But why cause all these issues and proclaim shes scared of me, eventhough shes just acting that way because I started dating someone new. I know her so well and I know she doesnt feel this way. It has ruined the new relationship i started and now all i can think about is her. I never wanted to hurt her, all I wanted was her time and for her to value the efforts I make. I dont understand her logic..I think making contact is a mistake, not only because i told her i wouldn't reach out to her again thus leaving it to her to contact me if she wanted to sort things out, but I feel this will only fuel her revenge in getting me into trouble. My feelings never really changed for her and I do love this girl, I just wanted her to take me more seriously, it seems that she cant handle her emotions now that I've walked away from her. But it still hurts that shes doing this and that I still have feelings.. I'm struggling to understand her actions above all else, if shes back with her ex and moving on, why cause issues? Why cant she accept responsibility that I walked away because she was messing me around?

  2. #2
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    Disregard...

  3. #3
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    Why was it on-off for 4 years?

    She sounds unbalanced and irrational. Do not contact her. You will wind up in even more hot water and you don't need to provide ammo for her to use against you.

    Ignore her at all costs.

  4. #4
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    This woman is crazy and dangerous. You need to wake up. This could affect your job and freedom. Who gives a damn why she's doing these things. She is evil! I would bet money that you saw some of this behavior while you were dating.

    I hope that you have kept pics and text convos to prove that you were dating?

  5.  

  6. #5
    She kept going back to her ex. Then got pregnant and thought she should stick with him. But that ended. My guess she is bouncing from gut to guy because she doesnt want to be alone with children. I was always foolish enough to take her back, until recently when I walked away and dated someone new.

  7. #6
    Yeah I have all the messages. Work wont take further action

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to stay as far away from her as possible, she sounds like a real nutcase. You may need a restraining order from a lawyer too. Dont talk to her, dont communicate with her.

    Why on earth would you say you love her? She is unstable and a huge source of angst for you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    And this is why we don't date coworkers. You need to snap out of it. Your feelings for her is why you never set proper boundaries with this woman. She's got you, and she will keep getting at you because she is a narcissist. You do anything to make yourself happy, she's gonna knock it down because she feels you are doing her wrong. This will not stop, unless you find another job, block and delete her number and shut down your social media. You need to disappear.

  10. #9
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    You need to address why you continued going back to this mess of a woman. Do you usually date crazy?

    This is on you for going back and forth with her. So many red flags that you did not act on! So many nice women out there and you are attracted to this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Run like hell and do not engage her whatsoever. Stay as far away as possible. Even if this is all invented, you will still face serious charges and very expensive consequences. No one, not anyone is that hot, ok? Delete block stay far away.

    Consider getting a restraining order if you have asked her to leave you alone. You may need that counter-measure is she if a Fatal Attraction case.🔪
    Originally Posted by Hellothereit
    She has made official HR complaints and has even threatened to sue the department because of this. She claims I make her feel unsafe and she cannot come back to work unless I'm dismissed, shes telling everyone I ruined her life and caused her to have mental health problems.

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