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Boyfriends contact with ex


LucyJane84

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Ive been seeing this guy for a few months and been 'official' for about 3 weeks.

 

He broke up with his ex during the time we were getting to know eachother.

They were together for a few years, engaged with 2 children.

I dont think it was a bad break up, they werent fighting or anything, he just said he had fallen out of love with her.

 

We became 'official' the day he first spent time with her taking the children out. They hadnt seen eachother in a couple of months as she had taken the children our of the country for a family emergency. When she came home he ended things with her and then they had been split for 2 weeks before the meeting.

 

We work together and i spend a few nights a week at his. We dont go out a huge amount. But we spend quite abit of time together and we text alot when we are apart. He tells me he loves me quite often.

 

Anyway.... he has spent the day with his ex a few times taking the children out to the playground and for lunch. They seem to get along really well still.

 

They had a brief period of no contact. I think about 2 weeks, he broke it first by texting to ask how she and the children were and she replied a few days later.

 

Since then she has text him daily. He always responds. Sometimes instantly, other times when he thinks i dont realise what hes doing. Theyve been saying good morning everyday and asking how eachother is. It only seems like small talk and he doesnt seem to initiate at all, just respond to her.

 

Thats been going on for about a week. They have planned to spend next weekend together for one of the childrens birthdays, including taking them to his families house together.

 

Hes been posting stories on snapchat from his memories, mostly old ones of the the children but his posts are all either from times when they were together or of himself with quotes expressing that hes not happy.

 

He hasnt told her that he is with someone and he knows that she wants him back.

 

Am i wrong for feeling insecure?

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Why were you getting to know him when he had a gf back then? Messing with taken people is not cool.

 

You can't possibly expect loyalty from someone that isn't loyal. And he jumped ship so you can't expect him to not have baggage. Duh it's pretty common sense.

 

All of the above, yes.

 

You're not wrong for feeling insecure, OP, but you are wrong for expecting any sort of real relationship from this man. It's not going to last between you.

 

And you kept up with him anyway after finding out he wasn't actually single? Not cool. What goes around comes around, as you're now seeing.

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And, why were dating someone who was involved. That's terrible.

 

It seems like most of your dates are in the house (sex buddy). Why aren't you going out? You can't have a relationship in your home. You have a lot to learn, like staying away from other women's men.

 

This is going to bite you in the azz.

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Your entire relationship with this man is a problem.

 

What is you're being willfully blind to? I don't buy that you really need others' opinions of where the problems are. You might be trying to justify your own crappy behaviour with him but I don't believe you don't already know the truth about this non-relationship. Sorry.

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I know what i think. But im interested in hearing opinions from people who are completely impartial and away from the whole situation. And why they think what they do

 

Why don't you start by telling us what you think?

 

We have already told you it's a bad idea to get involved with a man like this. He was not single, has not now been single long enough, and clearly isn't prepared to actually walk away from her and their kids. You're just someone who kept his bed warm.

 

Your turn.

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Obviously hes not going to walk away from his children. I would never expect him to. But i feel that he shouldnt be spending the day taking them out together like they do.

 

Im starting to feel as though maybe where she wasnt around for awhile he felt his needs werent being met so looked elsewhere. Got caught up in the excitement of something new and different.

 

The more contact he has with her the more his mood swings, so i think hes conflicted about whether he wants to go back to her or not. Perhaps he feels like he should for the children.

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Im starting to feel as though maybe where she wasnt around for awhile he felt his needs werent being met so looked elsewhere. Got caught up in the excitement of something new and different.

 

Gee, do ya think?!

 

I don't mean to be rude, OP, but this is what you get for not cutting off a taken man.

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Have you considered that men with kids in general and this man in particular are not a good match for you? Were you having an affair with him hoping he would leave? Where does he live now? Your relationship is very new. You have no real say in how often and when and where he sees his own children.

 

The most important thing to take note of is that he wants to continue to be a family with his exgf and is trying to get back with her. Your role may be to keep him warm until then, and at some level you realize this.

 

He broke up with his ex during the time we were getting to know eachother.

 

We became 'official' the day he first spent time with her taking the children out.

We work together and i spend a few nights a week at his.

 

He hasnt told her that he is with someone

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