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Thread: This hurts like hell, even though I know itís for the best

  1. #11
    Bronze Member bdwiii's Avatar
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    Ninjabib, thank you, and i do value your opinion and what you're saying is dead on. I know how messed up it is, and how messed up I am emoitionally to allow someone to hurt and abuse me like that. I guess I thought if I loved her enough, showed her enough how much I cared she'd change and we could be happy. Yeah, right. I know, severe codependency issues and I was told it probably stems from my childhood as a fear of abandonment. The ones that would be good for me are unappealing, and seem boring, but I gravitate towards the toxic and abusive ones because I'm still trying to "fix" something that I didn't get so long ago. In any case, it still hurts, and the wound is still very fresh. She's already resorted to abusive texts from his cell phone this afternoon. I of course didn't respond to them.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by bdwiii
    Ninjabib, thank you, and i do value your opinion and what you're saying is dead on. I know how messed up it is, and how messed up I am emoitionally to allow someone to hurt and abuse me like that. I guess I thought if I loved her enough, showed her enough how much I cared she'd change and we could be happy. Yeah, right. I know, severe codependency issues and I was told it probably stems from my childhood as a fear of abandonment. The ones that would be good for me are unappealing, and seem boring, but I gravitate towards the toxic and abusive ones because I'm still trying to "fix" something that I didn't get so long ago. In any case, it still hurts, and the wound is still very fresh. She's already resorted to abusive texts from his cell phone this afternoon. I of course didn't respond to them.
    Why don't you block? End this mess! Sorry, but you really seem to thrive on this.

  3. #13
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    As individuals we cannot change people single handedly. The will to change has to come from within. If it's not there then you are in for a world of pain.

    Therapy can really help more than you imagine. I initially started going for help following a work accident/brain injury and it helped me uncover hidden memories of childhood abuse and neglect which is what i'm working on now in order to feel better moving forwards. If you go into it with an open mind and an open heart in a year or so i'd wager my house that you feel infinitely better and i really hope you do. You also will learn how to spot and take action on red flags such as your ex and her behaviour.

    It's vital you remain no contact, don't let her goading get to you. As soon as shes gone from your property block her on everything.

  4. #14
    Bronze Member bdwiii's Avatar
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    What do I love about her? That's a very good question. Honestly, it would have to be a physical attraction because everything else is rotten and vile inside her. She's evil, truly evil. Anyone who can toy with someone's emotions so convincingly and make them believe that you love them is one of the cruelest persons alive. Not to mention I'm battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer which for the time being is in remission, but nevertheless could return and kill me at will. But she doesn't care how much she hurts me, it's all about her. Yes, perhaps it is high time I start loving myself and get her out of my life for good. The cord has been cut. I think I finally get it now. Yeah, I'm not stupid, but when it came to her I guess I was. Well, it truly is over now.

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  6. #15
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    Therapy will also teach you how to care for yourself as part of the process. Get booked in ASAP :)

  7. #16
    Bronze Member bdwiii's Avatar
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    HollyJ, I know it seems that I "thrive" on, or enjoy this, but I really do not. I want my life back and I want to stop crying and feeling pain from abuse. I have blocked her, and removed everything that was hers from my apartment. It's over now and she is gone, gone forever.

  8. #17
    Bronze Member bdwiii's Avatar
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    Thank you Ninjabib, I appreciate what you're saying and I am defintely going to continue with the counseling. I need it badly.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by bdwiii
    What do I love about her? That's a very good question. Honestly, it would have to be a physical attraction because everything else is rotten and vile inside her. She's evil, truly evil. Anyone who can toy with someone's emotions so convincingly and make them believe that you love them is one of the cruelest persons alive. Not to mention I'm battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer which for the time being is in remission, but nevertheless could return and kill me at will. But she doesn't care how much she hurts me, it's all about her. Yes, perhaps it is high time I start loving myself and get her out of my life for good. The cord has been cut. I think I finally get it now. Yeah, I'm not stupid, but when it came to her I guess I was. Well, it truly is over now.
    That is quite shallow. How can it be love, if there is only an attraction. That is not love.

    BD, it seems like you like to perceive yourself as a victim, you are not. You have actively engaged in this sick mess, and all for a "physical attraction." C'mon!

    I am very sorry that you are dealing with cancer.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by bdwiii
    HollyJ, I know it seems that I "thrive" on, or enjoy this, but I really do not. I want my life back and I want to stop crying and feeling pain from abuse. I have blocked her, and removed everything that was hers from my apartment. It's over now and she is gone, gone forever.
    Hallelujah!

  11. #20
    Bronze Member bdwiii's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    That is quite shallow. How can it be love, if there is only an attraction. That is not love.

    BD, it seems like you like to perceive yourself as a victim, you are not. You have actively engaged in this sick mess, and all for a "physical attraction." C'mon!

    I am very sorry that you are dealing with cancer.
    Ok, let me correct myself; it wasnít solely based on a physical attraction. Iíve known the girl for 14 years and when she wasnít using she could be a very sweet and loving person. Yes I did love her. What I meant when I said now the only attraction is physical is because after seeing how she truly is inside thatís all thatís left. And thank you about the well wishes about the cancer, itís been a very harrowing experience to say the least

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