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Thread: Argument about contraception

  1. #131
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    I used to be too chatty and overshare. I started changing that almost 23 years ago. Ironically it was a positive suggestion my then boyfriend made on New Yearís Eve. Little did I know weíd marry 11 years later. One consequence of becoming more discreet about what I shared was healthier friendships and people trusted me a lot more with personal and private info. Even though I didnít share others information by over sharing mine I probably gave the impression of poor boundaries in general with personal information. I realized I often over shared when I felt nervous or needed approval or attention. People tend to share a lot with me early on and find me approachable.

  2. #132
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    You state you donít know why you made the joke and you donít know why you showed him this post.

    Well therapy would explore that with you.

    Both were form of manipulation, you wanted to get a reaction out of him, maybe not consciously, like I said, we humans, we donít do things we arenít getting something out of, your oversharing and button pushing, youíre doing it for a specific reason. Kinda reminds me of the teen girls who have their friends flirt with their boyfriend or the wife who says donít get me anything for my birthday, then proceeds to get angry there is no gift, not saying what youíre doing is that over the top, but the motivations are the same
    I feel the need to quote the post you replied to, just to make clear you were in no way bullied by me.

    Originally Posted by firelily
    I'm sorry, but I'm not interested at all in subconscious analysis oriented therapy, but only at therapy oriented at making progress in some areas & positive therapy oriented at using strengths.

    If you see that they were form of manipulation, something I fail to see, please share with me why do you think it could be (we've already established it's not because I want to be a mother). Just tell me what come to your mind, and why do you think I wanted to provoke some reaction rather than just overshare my private life maybe.

    I don't think the reason for therapy should be that other people think I could be manipulative by some actions and that I should explore the "what ifs" of my subconscious, I'm rather interested in interactions with people as they come, to learn that my words have made someone feel some way or interpret it some way. I think it's a good source of growth to sort such things as they come rather than examine some iceberg :)

    Btw, I also sent my friend screenshots of conversations with my boyfriend about our relationship, and him the screenshots of her writing kind stuff about him back. I'm an oversharing ho :) And my friends know that. I don't think I normally share more than other people would to manipulate someone, I just value privacy less. I'm also ok with my friends reading my diary.
    I feel the examples with the girl who has her friends flirt with her boyfriend to test him or the wife who tells her husband not to get her anything and then proceeds to get upset were already given but I will expand.

    What I mean by manipulation is well relieving your own mental stresses by placing your burdens on others.

    You admit the joke you told him was in ill taste. I think I already asked but Iíll ask again, what do you feel exactly motivated you to state such a thing, I get you say you two have a dark humor but as I responded earlier, the joke you told wasnít some obscure reality, it was a very real albeit small possibility, so it was a serious subject, one Iíd assume if you were a little put off by and that you would possibly want to discuss with him. Instead of maturely stating Ďhey this is what my Dr. said, just a heads upí you chose this indirect kinda poke, one that he justifiably got very angry about, yet you shaped things so that youíre the victim... like...I donít get it...

    Itís your prerogative to not want to dive into subconscious analysis but thatís how my mind works and how I came to the conclusion I wrote about. You asked for advice, I gave it. You donít get to dictate what message the messenger gives. I said nothing demeaning, abusive or otherwise mean spirited to you.

    Thatís my impression, I have a right to state it despite your campaigning to the contrary... *ahem*

    On the subject of defending your oversharing, seriously asking is describing yourself as an Ďoversharing hoí a good thing?

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