Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: Going on 3 years

  1. #1

    Going on 3 years

    I met a wonderful lady, almost 3 years ago.

    She was in a relationship, that ended very ugly. Prior to the end, she endured a lot of abuse from her partner. We became friends right at the end, maybe a week after they broke up. She ended up in a whirlwind of court dates, he eventually got sent to prison, and she was able to pick up the pieces and move forward.

    We talked for hours on end, daily, via video chat, while she was going through this. Iíve watched her laugh, Iíve watched her break down..I tried to help her the best I could, with what we had.

    Over the years, Iíve talked to her family and friends, everything feels so right. Iím absolutely in love with this woman, even more so, being the only rock she needed through the hard times.

    Which leads to my dilemma. Her hardship has completely terrified her from letting me in 100%

    She will not Move forward enough to let me in, physically. She says sheís ready, and ends up breaking down saying sheís so scared... and from what she went though, I understand.

    We talk everyday still, every waking hour we are not working. We video chat every night and sleep together until morning...

    Iíd wait forever for her... but I guess I just want to know, what more can I do to help her understand she doesnít have to be scared? If anything..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,665
    Gender
    Female
    She doesn't trust you. Sorry. You're also a bit weird to stick around for someone who has this much baggage to deal with. No one in their right mind would want a relationship with someone who needs time/therapy/work to get herself back to feeling ok again. You don't seem right or like you're thinking straight (this makes you appear a bit off and unsafe/not able to make sound decisions) and she needs time.

  3. #3
    I get she donít trust me. She doesnít trust anyone at this point.

    To say Iím weird is insulting. I was a friend to her in her time of need.. and feelings happened. Regardless of her baggage, sheís a human.. and her personality, soul and physical beauty, sticks out way more than her baggage..

    Thank you for your advice.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,665
    Gender
    Female
    No offense meant. Just take a step back and cool off. She's not ready for whatever you want. You can't make anyone be a certain way. Trying to do that will just backfire on you.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Iím definitely not trying to make her be a certain way, or feel anything she doesnít want to feel. Guess I just wanted to know what I could do, to show her the world isnít her ex..

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,665
    Gender
    Female
    She'll get there when she gets there (when she's ready on her own). This has nothing to do with you. Check out white knight syndrome.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,231
    Hopefully she is in intensive therapy.

    You must not rush her. If you truly care for her you will let her get better before even thinking about trying to have a relationship.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,277
    Have you two never met in person?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    I Can See The Sun!
    Posts
    2,456
    Gender
    Male
    Just want to second checking out White Knight Syndrome. Been through that myself.

    Youíre certainly not weird. Us men certainly have a certain biological Ďproviderí mentality...but that can also backfire in todays day and age.

    Not much more you can do except it sounds like YOU are now getting to the point where you need to decide how much longer YOU can hang in there...

    Pushing her will not work either but that kinda goes without saying*

    Carus*

  11. #10
    Bronze Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    245
    Gender
    Male
    How long ago did she end her abusive relationship and her ex-partner was sent to prison?

    To be honest, this woman is clearly still damaged, her wounds are raw and she is in emotional turmoil. I question the motives of a man who provides comfort at a moment of vulnerability and weakness for this woman, but who clearly has his own agenda with her.

    I'm sorry if you find this offensive, but I do not consider this White Knight syndrome at all.

    She will not Move forward enough to let me in, physically.
    This basically means "I am frustrated that she will not have sex with me". Just being nice to somebody when they are hurting, being a rock, whatever, does not mean that she owes you anything ... and frankly I find it rather manipulative.

    Where is her family and female friends in all this? Why are you her "only rock"?

    If you truly love her, support her as a platonic friend, wait for her to heal fully and then see if the attraction is mutual.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •