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Thread: How long is too long to meet the family?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus first on establishing your relationship a bit more. it's not a matter of months or milestones. It's fine that he wants one-on-one time with his sons. It's not a slight or "stalling". It depends also on whatever his custody arrangements are and whatever your arrangements are.

    After dating 24 weeks you are not a step-family. It seems you are trying to fill some voids, circumvent things and put this on fast-forward.. If you feel stalled, perhaps you shouldn't meet each other's families at all since that is a bad sign between the two of you as a couple. You don't sound secure or happy in this.

    First you need to be a couple. Stop striving for pseudo step-families and mythical milestones.
    Originally Posted by Blossom314
    I've been with my bf for about 8 months or so, however we have yet to meet each other's kids or families. When he spends time with his sons, he does not want to see me.

  2. #12
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    But your previous threads obviously provide context on this relationship. So I don't think kids "get" dating -they "get" attached and they're also going to interact differently with a person who is the parent's "friend" as opposed to "he's going to be your stepfather". Just like adults. I don't agree with having some sort of test/audition because it's not fair to the kids if it doesn't work out and they get attached. Before you have a wedding date (or similar long term commitment date) I'd limit contact to short outings, no sleepovers, etc. Also since you already broke up in this short time even more of a reason not to involve kids and let them get attached when you guys are still not sure this is going to last given the recent past.

  3. #13
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    Blossom, I think give time.
    You already said you are ready to meet his family so he knows. Perhaps his timeline is a bit different. Let him naturally grow to that important moment.
    It will come. Just enjoy this. Don't rush. Don't worry about it just yet. For some 8 months is long enough and for others , still fresh.
    Focus on being present and before you know, you will meet his family.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    Blossom, I think give time.
    You already said you are ready to meet his family so he knows. Perhaps his timeline is a bit different. Let him naturally grow to that important moment.
    It will come. Just enjoy this. Don't rush. Don't worry about it just yet. For some 8 months is long enough and for others , still fresh.
    Focus on being present and before you know, you will meet his family.
    But it's not even 8 months -they broke up in the middle and got back together. To me that makes a difference when it involves a decision concerning young children.

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  6. #15
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    Too soon to meet eachother's kids considering you broke up in the middle. Not to soon to meet his best guy friend, etc or a sister if he's ready for that.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You don't seem too convinced that this is the right man and there have been issues all of 2019. You called him a 'bozo' in your own words earlier this year and referenced him standing you up a few times and being very upset when he said he fell asleep. It's hurtful when someone falls asleep on your plans. I agree with you and if you don't feel good, you should listen to your instincts. Why then does he keep coming back? You seem very very upset a lot of the time. Are you sure this is worth exposing your kids to?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    My first relationship, post divorce we mixed the kids. He - 2 daughters, me - 2 sons.

    The relationship ended and though my sons didn't have an attachment to him, his daughters, the 11 yr old mostly, were very attached to me. I regretted ever mixing the kids. As if adjusting from their parents divorce wasn't hard enough on them to begin with, now they grieve the ending of what appeared to another pseudo family like unit.

    They never asked to be put in this situation and when looking back, mixing them up didn't serve them, but was mostly motivated by us selfish parents. Because if we can get the kids in the same room together it translates into the parents seeing each other more.

    From that point on I didn't mix my sons into my relationships. I didn't hide it. they met the men i was dating, but I reserved my adult time to when the boys were with their father. My time with my sons was dedicated to them. In the scheme of things,you only get a short time with them. They deserved that.

    The 11 year old daughter I spoke of was an already at risk child with emotional issues. My disappearing from her life didn't help matters and she went on to have many more challenges until she reached adult hood. I feel partly responsible for adding to that. But I did keep in touch with her as much as I could over the years.

    How long? As if there is a set time you assimilate the children in a new relationship. How about until which time you and your boyfriend commit to get married and or live together indefinitely?

    Until that time are only two willing participants in this relationship.

  9. #18
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    I do not have kids, but it seems like a common answer on here is one year.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You don't seem too convinced that this is the right man and there have been issues all of 2019. You called him a 'bozo' in your own words earlier this year and referenced him standing you up a few times and being very upset when he said he fell asleep. It's hurtful when someone falls asleep on your plans. I agree with you and if you don't feel good, you should listen to your instincts. Why then does he keep coming back? You seem very very upset a lot of the time. Are you sure this is worth exposing your kids to?
    I too, think it relevant.

    Is he consistent now, or do things still pop up?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I've generally found that any relationship that feels "stalled" is best looked at like a stalled car. You don't fix it by going on a road trip with your fingers crossed, but by finding that one cable or two that is loose, screwing it tighter, letting the engine idyl for a while, then taking it out for a spin around the block. If she starts up in the morning, take her around town. If she's still running solid, then you plan the road trip. And so on.

    Just something to think about.

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