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Thread: A guy I'm dating appears to purposefully mimic me. What's normal in dating?

  1. #1
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    A guy I'm dating appears to purposefully mimic me. What's normal in dating?

    Disclaimer: I'm not intending on ending things with him over this, I'm just genuinely curious if what I'm about to describe is 'normal' when dating/in a relationship. We're not officially in a relationship just yet.

    I'm (24F) seeing a wonderful guy (29M) who I admittedly share quite a lot of interests with. In a lot of ways, from a superficial point of view, we're very similar. We have similar facial features, hair colouring, eyes, skin etcetera. We also went to school near each other, ended up studying somewhat similar degrees and have other similarities in common such as our love for travelling/living overseas, our love for the outdoors, music taste, humour, similar calm demeanour (he told me when he met me he knew I was going to be a patient individual) and our closeness with our family. However, even though I feel like we both genuinely have similar passions and interests, I'm a bit concerned it's purposely homogeneous. Or it may be luck. When we met, it did sort of feel like an instant attraction. It started off with complimenting me on a specific pair of shoes and telling me that he should have a pair, although I think this was just to flatter me. I then somehow started to really notice it, in a very romantic way, I almost felt he was analyzing me, from the awkward eyes open whilst we kiss to mirroring behaviour as well. Little things like, if I pull the sheets up in my sleep unintentionally, I would then realise and put them back on him, so he was covered, he then would do the same for me. I once texted him after staying the night apologising for giving him a bad night sleep, he accepted my apology and told me that he has insomnia as well. Fast forwarding, I once asked him again in person if he suffers from insomnia and he then said no? Anyway, I then started to notice it via my social media, and he was starting to follow profiles/pages almost identical to mine or at least the same category. For example, if I follow a bunch of pages on Instagram about surfing, climate change, art or anything he will do the same. I would follow an Instagram of male models, and then he would do the same with girls. It almost felt like we were competitive. Also, I'm aware that he looks at my social media regularly as shortly into dating, he knew what one of my parents did for work without me telling him. I jokingly said to him "Have you been stalking me?" and he laughed. I then noticed our texting 'style' got oddly similar, how we would word things and even to how long we would wait to reply to each other. Once we were talking about politics and what I align with, I know he somewhat likes the opposition party. However, he said: "Maybe you'll make me like the other (my) party."

    Not to be intrusive, I remember once I just came up with this position that fit our body types and realised it is quite rare. Then a year later, we were doing the horizontal mambo again, and he must have remembered that position (and liked it) as he positioned himself for it. Another example or redundant? Sometimes if I wake up early in the morning for a few days around 5 am and go on WhatsApp, he will then wake up and do the same (show that he is up at 5 am, being all productive) the next few days.

    With the career that I'm in which I do not wish to name, you learn about dependent personality types. Could it be part of his personality as some are more prone to imitating others? Could it be an element that he's almost slightly threatened by me? He has shown a few examples of that possibility, as I come from a relatively well off family that he every now and then likes to make it known. I often like to live a bit lavishly and on the hedonistic end (which could scare anyone). Some differences, I went to a private school, he didn't. I was telling him that I wanted to travel to South America, which he has done before, but I'm concerned about the safety aspect. He immediately said "You would be fine. No one would mess with you.", another thing a man usually wouldn't say about a woman?

    How much imitation/sharing interests with someone is normal when dating/in a relationship? Or is this just an innocent way of showing he cares about me and wants to please me?
    Last edited by dustycloud; 10-10-2019 at 05:08 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I find imitation to a certain degree flattering. If they try to become interested in your interests as a way to show support and what you care about, they will try to learn about it too.

    I think to a certain degree all couples do this.

    As for what your boyfriend is doing, I find it creepy. It is going overboard and it sounds more like you two are robots and trying to purposely be the male and female form of each other.
    Him, more so than you, but it's still occuring.

    I am also getting the vibe that it's somewhat obsessive and it would sincerely concern me. It's more natural for each person in a relationship to have their own interests and likes.

    Maybe both of you are spending too much time together. But it probably would be much more healthier for both of you to pursue other interests outside of this relationship that have nothing to do with one another.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? It sounds like you are analyzing things a great deal. Are you happy with the situation? It seems you want to be "imitated"? Do you feel you're slumming it? You seem to describe him as lower or less than you and that he somehow needs to "look up" to you. Is that how you feel?
    Originally Posted by dustycloud
    We're not officially in a relationship just yet.

    Then a year later, we were doing the horizontal mambo again, and he must have remembered that position.
    Could it be an element that he's almost slightly threatened by me?
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 10-10-2019 at 07:50 AM.

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    I'm definitely getting some creepy vibes from what you described, do you spend time with your family/friends? It seems you are over-analyzing your relationship.

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    On and off for over a year, we’ve had a few ‘breaks’ as we both went and lived overseas. No, I don’t remotely think lower of him or that he needs to look up to me, in fact, I look up to him and respect how passions he has in life and how he treats others. I just feel those details are important as it may be an indicator of agreeing to everything if he does feel that way. He is the one who has made those comments known.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How long have you been dating? It sounds like you are analyzing things a great deal. Are you happy with the situation? It seems you want to be "imitated"? Do you feel you're slumming it? You seem to describe him as lower or less than you and that he somehow needs to "look up" to you. Is that how you feel?
    On and off for over a year, we’ve had a few ‘breaks’ as we both went and lived overseas. No, I don’t remotely think lower of him or that he needs to look up to me, in fact, I look up to him and respect how passions he has in life and how he treats others. I just feel those details are important as it may be an indicator of agreeing to everything if he does feel that way. He is the one who has made those comments known.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Maybe you're imitating him? What's wrong with being agreeable or amiable? Particularly if there is no need to get along past casual dating? Do you think he's wimpy if he's not edgy enough? Why are you analyzing this to this extent? If you get along well enough what's wrong with the comfortable casual thing you're doing?
    Originally Posted by dustycloud
    I look up to him and respect how passions he has in life and how he treats others.

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    Hmmmm....well to be honest I find your post a bit odd. Because for one thing it actually sounds from everything you described that right off the bat you were TOO similar. You have literally all the same hobbies and interests and even basically the same personality and lifestyles. I mean to be honest you can't really blame someone for supposedly copying you if you're dating someone so similar that it's almost like dating yourself. Some of the things he might be doing that seem like copying might actually be that he is really into all those things.

    Often when I see things on social media like pages and events that my friends follow, if I'm into them, I'll follow them as well. However I'm not into everything my friends like. If this guy is genuinely into all the same hobbies and interests, it may be that he does the same things because he's truly into them, not just to copy you. Like maybe he's getting these ideas from you but he does the same because he's really similar to you.

    Also sometimes it may seem like people are copying us but it's more that they're getting ideas from us. E.g. I had a bad day and I sent myself a gift box with chocolates, flowers and hand cream. I told my best friend and she liked the idea so she also got herself a box of flowers. She wasn't trying to be a deliberate copycat but she just thought it sounded nice to get yourself flowers after she heard it from me.

    Also you actually seem preoccupied with your boyfriend's social media yourself. Are you actually tracking what he follows on social media and what time he gets out of bed and things like that?

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dustycloud
    How much imitation/sharing interests with someone is normal when dating/in a relationship?
    What you've described would weird me out, too. I actually had something similar happen with a boyfriend. We'd started out as friends for a couple of years, then began dating.

    But the dating didn't last because I felt like he was mimicking me at every turn!

    This was 20 years ago, and there wasn't facebook or instagram to track behavior. It just seemed like he adjusted all of his behavior to be (what he felt to be) more in line with mine.

    I think he did it to ingratiate himself with me, but I found it infuriating and broke up with him.

    We remained friends for a few years after that. I really did like him and admire him. But that whole mimicry thing was intolerable and I wouldn't date him again.

    Eventually, he found some reason to be angry at me and effectively ended our friendship by not talking to me anymore. Oh well.

  11. #10
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    What you've described would weird me out, too. I actually had something similar happen with a boyfriend. We'd started out as friends for a couple of years, then began dating.

    But the dating didn't last because I felt like he was mimicking me at every turn!
    I'll bet you told him you wanted to break up, and he said "Wow! I was just going to suggest that!"


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