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Thread: Pregnant daughter desires financial help

  1. #71
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Why allow it to make you mad? If you want a relationship with your daughter/grandchild, you'll have to let go of all the hateful judgement and accusations and telling anyone who should/should not try to have kids. What the heck? Be a mother not a hater.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    She goes to the "Bank of Dad" for almost everything. And what makes me so mad is that, he does it and not only that, he helps her boyfriend too when he needs money for something.

  2. #72
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    On a positive note... today I am happy to let you know that my daughter got a good report from the doctor! They did genetic testing and there were no signs of any kind of abnormalities, cystic fibrosis, down's syndrome etc...so, we are so relieved that everything looks good and the baby is very active and healthy, and she is doing very well despite all the physical challenges she lives with.
    Now, back to the problem at hand, it's hard for me to say where it all went wrong. I stayed home to raise her. She was a very happy baby! When she turned 21 months old, she got sick, very sick and ran a high fever. When she recovered, she was different. Her personality had changed. She went from being affectionate and happy, to strong-willed and started having major temper tantrums. I called her pediatrician and told him all of this. He simply told me it was the "terrible twos", and she would out grow it. As I was trained and educated in the field of psychology and education, I knew a little bit about how to handle situations like this. My husband, had a different approach to her misbehavior and so all throughout our marriage, we were constantly at odds as to how to discipline her went she disrespected or disobeyed. I was more of a disciplinarian and he was the one to give in to her demands because he couldn't stand her temper tantrums. Moving along.... I don't think her parenting environment was a healthy one. How can it be when you are not on the same page? When we got divorced he insisted of having custody of her, even though we took turns, alternating weekends, but still...at my home I had rules and set boundaries., while at his home, he didn't insist on boundaries and let alot of things slide. It took several years, but one day he said to me, "you were right...it is important to set boundaries and lay down the law sometimes...but I don't know if it's too late now." Imagine my surprise when he said that to me! But I told him, it wasn't too late and today was the best time to start. Well, I really can't saw what happened there and he remarried shortly after our divorce which really sent my daughter into orbit! She ruined that relationship as well and she left him after 3 three years but it took 6 more years before they officially divorced.
    I don't know...deep down inside, I really do love her and I know she loves me too. How well do well really understand the psychology of the human brain? Is is nature of nurture? How come some children born to abusive parents turn out to be happy, law abiding citizens, while law abiding, well adjusted parents turn out dysfunctional children in spite of all the hard work and good examples they set? I don't think we were the that good of parents to be honest. I found parenting to be so difficult and trying at times that I would find myself crying myself to sleep and in therapy most of the time. I couldn't get my husband interested enough to go with me and when I had to drag him there, he always made some kind of excuse why he wouldn't go back.
    I look back over the years and now I see a grown woman who is smart, has a good heart (she really does), witty, and a good citizen. At the same time, I see a woman who has never fully matured, has no impulse control, a little bit of a potty mouth, lacks motivation, and makes very poor life decisions about men and relationships. I feel so bad for her and really feel I let her down...I failed her. And now, she is bringing a new life into the world with a man who disrespects her and is not happy about it. So sad....that's about it. Thank you for letting me share....your thoughts and insights are more helpful than you know. Love you all!

  3. #73
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Well --- if dad gave into her every demand, there you go. And she did have to deal with being shuttled around between the two of you, so she learned to play the game. She is still expecting everyone to give in and she treats her boyfriend the same way.

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