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Thread: Pregnant daughter desires financial help

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I think Sue is gone.
    I think she is also. I just hope she finds the strength and courage to stand up to her demanding and disrespectful daughter. Enjoy your weekend, Holly.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I think she is also. I just hope she finds the strength and courage to stand up to her demanding and disrespectful daughter. Enjoy your weekend, Holly.
    I agree. Unfortunately, her and her ex have created this problem. Time for her to grow up, as she has children to raise and support.

    You too, honey!!!

  3. #53
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    I disagree with your daughter taking the summer off -- the best time to get a job is right when you graduate or secure one just before. THe longer time you are unemployed, the harder it is.

    Welders and construction people are in HIGH HIGH demand. if he is only making $30K as a welder, he is turning down jobs, is a crappy welder or keeps getting fired for behavior. I know a quite a few people in skilled trades. Some have traveled for a few months to work down where they are need extra hands to rebuild after a hurricane, etc, (its not volunteer - insurance companies, businesses, homeowners pay), or they find lucrative work close by. i could see if he's in his 20s, starting out in the trade and making 24-$30k, but if he is in his 30s and has been in the business for awhile, he should be making a LOT more than that unless he is just a "helper" at a construction site. Contractors are dying for help from people that know what they are doing. And he should be taking overtime considering. I am sure its available or he can work part time. I know welders who take plenty of smaller side jobs, too.

    But i can see where paying child support puts a damper on things.

    I think your daughter needs to stop being enabled. Help her out with financial advice, rides to the job bank office, maybe watching the kid during her interviews, but she needs to grow up if she is 36

  4. #54
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    I haven't said anything, as of yet. I received the list and simply texted her back "Nice". She has not brought it up since. I don't enable her, please don't misunderstand, I don't work, remember, so I have nothing...zero...to give her. I am still currently out of work and totally dependent on my dad and I am his full time caregiver and have been for over 10 years. However, she lives with her dad who is financially well of and gives her all her heart desires. The fiancee does work, but makes very little income. He has two children from a previous marriage. My daughter has a son from a previous marriage. She graduated from college in May and as I said before, planned to look for work after taking the summer off. But life happened! I have kept my mouth shut for the most part. She knows I am not overjoyed about this and neither is her dad. She has ADHD, no impulse control, an autoimmune disease, type 1 diabetes, thyroid problems and feels sick most of the time (and not from the pregnancy). She is a high risk patient. I knew she wanted another child even though her fiancee didn't. Will it work out for them? Who knows? We shall see....I like some of the ideas expressed here. I wasn't about to go out and buy her "wish list', but I think I know who will? Her dad. She didn't demand I buy anything, I was going to review items on her "wish list" and see what I can do. I just wish I could get excited about this, but right now, when I look a the big picture, it's hard for me.....one more thing, I think the job search has been put on the back burner...at least for now. Sigh!

  5.  

  6. #55
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    Abitbroken...........I live over 3 hours away from them, so that would not be a feasible solution. Now, as a welder, he does travel with the company out of town. He only gets pain when he works, so he might go a week without working. He just turned 30. He is not able to afford even an apt. He lived with his mom and dad until he met my daughter, who graciously let him and his daughters move in. Does he help with the bills? I don't know, she says he does.....but who knows.
    I agree with your first statement. I tried to encourage her to start looking for work, but she didn't want to. She's under the impression that given the fact she graduated Magna Cum Laude, and has many accolades, and some work experience, it won't be hard to find a job. She lives in a city that is Hi-Tech where engineers area dime a dozen. She went on just one interview.
    I don't know...I hope things will work out and they get their act together. Thanks for reaching out! Always appreciated..

  7. #56
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    Itsallgrand.......no abuse, thank God! She wanted another child, she didn't want her son to be an only child. So, even though she tells me it was unplanned, I suspect she was hoping. Her response to me was, "Oh well, things happen for a reason". The fiancee is still not happy and made it very clear he didn't want anymore kids, but whatever happens, he will step up and do the right thing. I hope so. With given the fact that she is high risk and they are not in a good financial place (she receives medicaid) and in the US, she gets free medical care. She even told me something that floored me the other day, "It's a good thing I am not working or I'd have to pay $2000 up front to the physician." It's been a long time since I had her and I know things change, but her dad and I had insurance and only paid a small copay. We put everything we wanted and needed on lay away. Neither one of our parents gave us anything as far as big ticket items. And dare we ask!
    She is happy about it and I am coming around. After all, the baby didn't ask to be born. I will still love it with all my heart. I already feel attached and cry when I see the images she sends me! I just would feel better knowing it will be raised in a loving and nurturing environment. And after a time....she gets a job!

  8. #57
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    Good question! I don't really know Hollyj. Agreed, that is my concern too. He is in very poor health, weighs over 300 lbs, has diabetes and heart disease and kidneys are not functioning very well. He know works from home (he's a lawyer).

  9. #58
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    Paying her dad rent? She doesn't work! She plans to work in PR. I did suggest her fiancee may need to get a second job on weekends. She didn't blow up at me! I think we are making some progress here...Honeycomb8

  10. #59
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Itsallgrand.......no abuse, thank God! She wanted another child, she didn't want her son to be an only child. So, even though she tells me it was unplanned, I suspect she was hoping. Her response to me was, "Oh well, things happen for a reason". The fiancee is still not happy and made it very clear he didn't want anymore kids, but whatever happens, he will step up and do the right thing. I hope so. With given the fact that she is high risk and they are not in a good financial place (she receives medicaid) and in the US, she gets free medical care. She even told me something that floored me the other day, "It's a good thing I am not working or I'd have to pay $2000 up front to the physician." It's been a long time since I had her and I know things change, but her dad and I had insurance and only paid a small copay. We put everything we wanted and needed on lay away. Neither one of our parents gave us anything as far as big ticket items. And dare we ask!
    She is happy about it and I am coming around. After all, the baby didn't ask to be born. I will still love it with all my heart. I already feel attached and cry when I see the images she sends me! I just would feel better knowing it will be raised in a loving and nurturing environment. And after a time....she gets a job!
    If she just graduated from college and still believes nonsense sayings (as in bold), then she didn't learn about cause and effect in her studies.

  11. #60
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    Try not to make this about your divorce. That is what is complicating everything. Stop competing with your ex-husband and being resentful or being jealous of your daughter. All the hating is making you unwell. It's simple, if you get the hating and resenting out of the way..

    She wanted another child, even if you secretly hope she doesn't have it. When the time comes, just get her a gift you can afford. She's a grown woman you raised so it's too late now to make changes. Her father and bf support her so why are you going on about she's extorting you for money? You had a fit when she asked for an Easter outfit for your grandson. This is a theme for you.

    Do not make hateful suggestions about termination, her bf's a bum, you both need to be sterilized, keep your legs shut or any other hideous inappropriate remarks. She seems to want some sort of relationship with you, even if you resent her and your ex-husband, since the alimony ran out.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    I am still currently out of work and totally dependent on my dad
    she lives with her dad who is financially well of and gives her all her heart desires.
    I knew she wanted another child
    I wasn't about to go out and buy her "wish list', but I think I know who will? Her dad.

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