Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 5 of 8 FirstFirst ... 2345678 LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 73

Thread: Pregnant daughter desires financial help

  1. #41
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,934
    Gender
    Female
    Sorry, just a mountain of a molehill, imho. I agree that she probably needs to learn a few things but what child doesn't. You're older and wiser so you're bound to be a little put off by her behaviour as her mum. What you can do is be clear about what you will and will not do and let her learn on her own. At 36, she's too old to criticize and that will be your grandbaby. I'd put everything in perspective and just let this one ride itself out. She will manage just like all of us did when we were nursing and raising our kids. Have a little more faith, I think. She will be just fine and she will learn. You can guide her better or 'teach' her by example.

    Do you find you're missing her? I get the feeling that you're very worried for her health and love her tremendously as a mother would. Sometimes when we're irritable or someone grates on our nerves a bit what we're actually longing for is a better relationship with that person. If your relationship with your daughter has been a bit rocky lately, work on that and go out and have some bonding time together.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,367
    I remember you writing about your daughter before. She has a long history of lack of responsibility, aggression, and bullying.

    I'd stop giving her anything and focus on what you can do to improve the kids lives now and in the future. By this I mean, if you have a tiny bit of money to set aside for them at times, put that into an account which their mother would never get access to. Something for when they are trying to make it later on, as they are going to need it.

    I get the impression she did not ever intend to work. The situation with her live in bf is a toxic mess, with babies being conceived without any means to support them and obvious dysfunction amongst the two creating these babies.

    I think she sees pregnancies and babies as her " get out of work free" card. It's very sad for the kids, but people do sometimes make this choice. Short of beginning to regulate who can have kids, it's the world we live in.

    I just want to say too that it's not " well too late!" . She had and does have the option of abortion. She isn't choosing it, doesn't mean she didn't have options ( including having been taking stronger preventive measures).
    But I really feel she probably tried for this pregnancy intentionally and the other pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage.

    Last thing. If there is any abuse under her care, please don't turn your head because she is your daughter. You don't mention it here, but I seem to remember you did before.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    6,385
    She had and does have the option of abortion. She isn't choosing it, doesn't mean she didn't have options
    Her choice should of taken place I the bedroom and between her legs, not at a planned parenthood.

    She knew she had a child to support and to finish school. If she canít handle those responsibilities then she needs to keep her legs closed.

    Why is adoption ruled out? Murdering a baby is ok?

  4. #44
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,714
    Originally Posted by Snny
    Her choice should of taken place I the bedroom and between her legs, not at a planned parenthood.

    She knew she had a child to support and to finish school. If she canít handle those responsibilities then she needs to keep her legs closed.

    Why is adoption ruled out? Murdering a baby is ok?
    Don't want to get into an abortion debate, but the daughter does not sound very responsible and is incredibly selfish-believing that others will provide for her kids needs and her own. And, as someone mentioned, she is probably using this so she does not have to work.

  5.  

  6. #45
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,883
    Gender
    Male
    Are you happy for her? That's all that matters.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    my adult daughter, 36 is 2 months pregnant with her second child.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,383
    Gender
    Female
    I have some advice....she should go on facebook and look up a mommy's website where moms trade sell or give away baby items/clothing. There are also garage sales she can go to or look on craiglist and put in a want ad and also look for stuff in the free section. YOU do not have to spend $$$ on high end new items. If yer poe dunk poor, you get what you can. Don't open your wallet for anything but diapers. The rest she can find all what she needs on her own...hell she's doin nothing so this will give her something to do while she sits on her ass.

  8. #47
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    857
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    If he doesn't want anymore kids why doesn't he get a vasectomy? Or is he too "manly" for that??
    "why doesn't he get a vasectomy?" Exactly, he is clearly at fault and should step up to the plate and stopped getting annoyed. If anything, he should be annoyed at himself, not at her.

  9. #48
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    857
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    I hear you goddess! I totally agree...but how do I tell her that. A few folks here think she is told old for me to be giving her advice. Listen, I am a mama bear. And for the most part I just listen and say, "that's great!" or "awesome".......I am biting my lip when she tells me things that make me want to lose my temper. She is an adult and needs to start acting like one. This baby did not ask to be born. It was not planned, even though I suspect she is happy because she always told me she wanted another child no matter what! So, now she is pregnant, but her fiancee' is not a happy camper. He doesn't want anymore kids yada yada yada....too late! Let's deal with it. I want to say, " how do you plan to provide now for 4 children when your fiancee' doesn't make enough money?" " Are you going to get a job, if so, when?" But I have not said anything. I think she realizes my silence is saying alot . A whole lot!
    I honestly understand your predicament, Sweet Sue. On one hand, you would give your heart and soul to your child but, on the other hand, it's not your responsibility to allow such unrealistic expectations from her. It's not right; it's not fair. She is being so darned disrespectful! Don't feel bad; she apparently doesn't feel bad by being so demanding. She should not be treating you this way. So, stop feeling guilty! Rise above the guilt, please. As one poster mentioned, buy her one gift (something YOU can afford). I know it's easy for us to give you suggestions/advice but , please, stop allowing her to "abuse" you this way. You have to be strong and stand your ground.

    As I see it, you have two choices:

    1. buy her what she wants (just one expensive gift, if you can afford it) and let it be the last "expensive" gift that you buy. Be gracious and don't let resentment consume you.

    2. buy something that you can afford. Simply tell her that you cannot afford to buy the expensive things that she told you to buy. This may possibly alienate her from you but, hey, when is she going to grow up? Tough love??? I wish you the best in this tough situation.. Hugs.

  10. #49
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    857
    Originally Posted by goddess
    I honestly understand your predicament, Sweet Sue. On one hand, you would give your heart and soul to your child but, on the other hand, it's not your responsibility to allow such unrealistic expectations from her. It's not right; it's not fair. She is being so darned disrespectful! Don't feel bad; she apparently doesn't feel bad by being so demanding. She should not be treating you this way. So, stop feeling guilty! Rise above the guilt, please. As one poster mentioned, buy her one gift (something YOU can afford). I know it's easy for us to give you suggestions/advice but , please, stop allowing her to "abuse" you this way. You have to be strong and stand your ground.

    As I see it, you have two choices:

    1. buy her what she wants (just one expensive gift, if you can afford it) and let it be the last "expensive" gift that you buy. Be gracious and don't let resentment consume you.

    2. buy something that you can afford. Simply tell her that you cannot afford to buy the expensive things that she told you to buy. This may possibly alienate her from you but, hey, when is she going to grow up? Tough love??? I wish you the best in this tough situation.. Hugs.
    Lastly, if you decide to tell her that you cannot afford to buy the expensive things, be firm and pleasant and keep your head high. Don't let her intimidate you, OK?

  11. #50
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,714
    I think Sue is gone.

Page 5 of 8 FirstFirst ... 2345678 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •