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Thread: Pregnant daughter desires financial help

  1. #31
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    If she is living with her father, then how is she able to get Welfare and WIC?

    Her father will not be around forever. if she does not get a job, then how will she support her kids? Government assistance does not last forever.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-11-2019 at 01:51 AM.

  2. #32
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    Is she paying her dad rent?

    What is she going to do with that communications degree?
    She's nearly late 30s...

    She needs to get her sht together and the fiancee needs to find a higher paying job!!

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Is she paying her dad rent?

    What is she going to do with that communications degree?
    She's nearly late 30s...

    She needs to get her sht together and the fiancee needs to find a higher paying job!!
    Totally agree! Why go to school if your not going to do anything with the degree!

    OP, have you discussed the issues of enabling with her father? Why has this been okay for the two of you?

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It is customary to start gift registries this soon into it? It's weird to ask for gifts but you are her mother. She is not asking you to support her or her kids or her pregnancy or her medical bills or her bf or anything else. Just this or that gift. A pump or a crib..

    You also don't have to get hysterical and start including her father and the bfs parents in your tirade, and put words in their mouths as if they agree that asking for this or that gift or having a kid out of wedlock is a criminal offense. It's months away. Chill. You're not supporting her so get off the high horse.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    my adult daughter, 36 is 2 months pregnant with her second child. She also just found out in April that she is a diabetic 1 and also has several other health issues.

    One is a breast pump and one is a crib (both items are new). It is not my place or your father's place, or your fiancee's parents place to finance YOUR pregnancy."

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Just a point -at least where I live I don't think most places take used cribs for resale but often privately you can do that and do your own due diligence about whether it's a safe sleeping place. I asked my parents for nothing at all -except asked my mother to please come when I went into early labor while my husband was about 800 miles away........ ;-). She did and I actually don't remember if she bought me anything -maybe my parents gave us $ as a gift -point is yes her expectations are totally out of whack.
    I'm not sure either about used cribs. What you did was perfect. OP's daughter is terribly rude and inconsiderate to put her mother in that position.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    jimthzz........no, her father is the one with the money. He's the bank and financial officer. I don't have a problem with her taking some time off after graduating. She is just not motivated to work. She is 36 and has not worked but just a few short years in her life. Her dad will not live forever (has some serious health issues) and I am afraid of what will happen to her should she find herself stuck with two kids to support and no job (she has a degree in communication/PR), and graduated top of her class. I just wish she would plan better and better decisions. I am worried about her health too. She is high risk having so many health issues herself, and she's only 36.

    Also, I am not like her dad. I would have never allowed her to bring a man and his two kid to live under my roof. I don't know if her fiancee' helps with the bills. I hope so...
    Sounds like she's got some serious growing up to do. Hopefully, she will realise that at some point. She is so irresponsible and plain lazy, IMHO. What a shame.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I'm not sure either about used cribs. What you did was perfect. OP's daughter is terribly rude and inconsiderate to put her mother in that position.
    I don't know perfect -it's more that an adult woman who is pregnant and has a partner, living on her own, not in a crisis shouldn't be asking for big ticket items (and if she was in a crisis still not - then it's more about survival during the pregnancy first thing.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    jimthzz........no, her father is the one with the money. He's the bank and financial officer. I don't have a problem with her taking some time off after graduating. She is just not motivated to work. She is 36 and has not worked but just a few short years in her life. Her dad will not live forever (has some serious health issues) and I am afraid of what will happen to her should she find herself stuck with two kids to support and no job (she has a degree in communication/PR), and graduated top of her class. I just wish she would plan better and better decisions. I am worried about her health too. She is high risk having so many health issues herself, and she's only 36.

    Also, I am not like her dad. I would have never allowed her to bring a man and his two kid to live under my roof. I don't know if her fiancee' helps with the bills. I hope so...
    She can’t undo what’s done. Piling your opinions and fears onto the convo won’t add value. It will shut her down to you. She rarely deals with you beyond wanting something as it is, so if the price of doing business with you is criticism, you’ll end up cut off with no access to the baby.

    Skip that, and use her illusions of future potential help as your bridge to remain connected. Draw lines as the needed, like offering your choice of one gift, and without apology. But also without slamming doors shut with unwanted advice.

    If there was any chance that daughter would take your words to heart, it would be one thing. But your history with her demo’s that she’s not open to hearing you. So don’t keep making the same errors under the illusion that she will somehow respond differently—it’s not gonna happen. Preserve your access instead, but without being a doormat. Decline things you don’t want to do with an offer of what you prefer to do, and leave lectures off the table. You’ll thank yourself later.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Make sure you are not taking things out on her for asking for a baby gift. You can explain what you can or cannot afford. Make sure you're not calling the kettle black when it comes to staying at home and being supported.

    She is your daughter, you may resent her and your ex-husband but taking out on her in this way seems like some bad blood between you two. Pick one thing you can afford and give it to her when the time comes.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    I have a chronic illness and had to quite my job 8 years ago, to move in with my father and he financially supports me. He pays for everything.
    When my husband and I divorced, I received a nice check for the next 17 years.
    I had not worked much in life as I was married to an attorney and chose to be a stay at home mom.

  11. #40
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    I believe you said that this is her THIRD child and she has never really worked to support them. I do not get this.

    I think you should ask her when she is going to get a job? Your ex is a big part of the problem.

    And, how many more is she going to have?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-11-2019 at 12:09 PM.

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