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Thread: Pregnant daughter desires financial help

  1. #21
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    Why isnt she looking for a job? It isn't your responsibility or your ex's to support a 36 year old women. It is high time you stopped enabling her. You are not doing her any favors!

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I still feel you should say at least something about her being more responsible being as you are her mother.

    However, Wiseman, may be right. She's old enough to know better and if she doesn't yet, perhaps it's a lost cause.

    Simply tell her you cannot afford it and that you can try to get the money together for only one thing.
    SherrySher, did you ever consider that she probably knows that her mother will buy (some way or another) the things she told her to buy? At 36, that is just so rude, inconsiderate and manipulative. Sorry, but that's just my opinion. I feel terrible that her fiance let her go to the ER by herself but she, in turn, is being just as inconsiderate as he is toward her own mother. Really???

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    ...She's 36. You're NOT going to financially support her. She needs to sort out her life herself.

    It's not your job and it's HER responsibility to be more careful with her life.

    You can give a gift of certain price, but that's it. You're not an atm. At 35, my dad who used to be quite a high up engineer had two menial jobs and worked 70+ hours a week to support us. Simply cos the first few years of migration was tough. He didn't rely on anyone.

    My parents are now financially comfortable but no way in hell would I ever ask for financial assistance. The fact she had the thick skin to ask.

    Don't be guilt tripped.
    Don't be guilt tripped. That's exactly what your daughter is doing to you, OP. When I first read your post, I was floored at the sheer nerve she has. She is causing you such stress and guilt. It's up to her to get such expensive items, not you!!!!! As another poster said, you can get some nice cribs, etc at a second hand store. Heck, I'd like to buy a Lamborghini, but I simply cannot afford it. I have my son's old car. As the saying goes "You can't always get what you what". SHE needs to figure out her life. She's not a teenager!!

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why isnt she looking for a job? It isn't your responsibility or your ex's to support a 36 year old women. It is high time you stopped enabling her. You are not doing her any favors!
    Yes, totally agree!

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why isnt she looking for a job? It isn't your responsibility or your ex's to support a 36 year old women. It is high time you stopped enabling her. You are not doing her any favors!
    It is high time you stopped enabling her. <<<< Yes, this. I understand she is your daughter, but don't allow her to corner you against a wall.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Don't be guilt tripped. That's exactly what your daughter is doing to you, OP. When I first read your post, I was floored at the sheer nerve she has. She is causing you such stress and guilt. It's up to her to get such expensive items, not you!!!!! As another poster said, you can get some nice cribs, etc at a second hand store. Heck, I'd like to buy a Lamborghini, but I simply cannot afford it. I have my son's old car. As the saying goes "You can't always get what you what". SHE needs to figure out her life. She's not a teenager!!
    Just a point -at least where I live I don't think most places take used cribs for resale but often privately you can do that and do your own due diligence about whether it's a safe sleeping place. I asked my parents for nothing at all -except asked my mother to please come when I went into early labor while my husband was about 800 miles away........ ;-). She did and I actually don't remember if she bought me anything -maybe my parents gave us $ as a gift -point is yes her expectations are totally out of whack.

  8. #27
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    jimthzz........no, her father is the one with the money. He's the bank and financial officer. I don't have a problem with her taking some time off after graduating. She is just not motivated to work. She is 36 and has not worked but just a few short years in her life. Her dad will not live forever (has some serious health issues) and I am afraid of what will happen to her should she find herself stuck with two kids to support and no job (she has a degree in communication/PR), and graduated top of her class. I just wish she would plan better and better decisions. I am worried about her health too. She is high risk having so many health issues herself, and she's only 36.

    Also, I am not like her dad. I would have never allowed her to bring a man and his two kid to live under my roof. I don't know if her fiancee' helps with the bills. I hope so...

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I can only imagine what her list for him might look like...

  10. #29
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    I hear you goddess! I totally agree...but how do I tell her that. A few folks here think she is told old for me to be giving her advice. Listen, I am a mama bear. And for the most part I just listen and say, "that's great!" or "awesome".......I am biting my lip when she tells me things that make me want to lose my temper. She is an adult and needs to start acting like one. This baby did not ask to be born. It was not planned, even though I suspect she is happy because she always told me she wanted another child no matter what! So, now she is pregnant, but her fiancee' is not a happy camper. He doesn't want anymore kids yada yada yada....too late! Let's deal with it. I want to say, " how do you plan to provide now for 4 children when your fiancee' doesn't make enough money?" " Are you going to get a job, if so, when?" But I have not said anything. I think she realizes my silence is saying alot . A whole lot!

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    I hear you goddess! I totally agree...but how do I tell her that. A few folks here think she is told old for me to be giving her advice. Listen, I am a mama bear. And for the most part I just listen and say, "that's great!" or "awesome".......I am biting my lip when she tells me things that make me want to lose my temper. She is an adult and needs to start acting like one. This baby did not ask to be born. It was not planned, even though I suspect she is happy because she always told me she wanted another child no matter what! So, now she is pregnant, but her fiancee' is not a happy camper. He doesn't want anymore kids yada yada yada....too late! Let's deal with it. I want to say, " how do you plan to provide now for 4 children when your fiancee' doesn't make enough money?" " Are you going to get a job, if so, when?" But I have not said anything. I think she realizes my silence is saying alot . A whole lot!
    If he doesn't want anymore kids why doesn't he get a vasectomy? Or is he too "manly" for that??

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