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Thread: Is two years too late to get back together?

  1. #1
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    Is two years too late to get back together?

    Im 30, hes 42. We dated for 9 months 2 years ago and he abruptly ended things saying hes not ready for marriage and commitment. Hes a workaholic-passionately loves what he does first and everyone and everything else comes second.

    We somewhat stayed in contact through social media but both went on to date others and never ran into one another even though we live within 3 miles of one another. I mourned the end of the relationship longer than he did.

    Our chemistry was great in dating but the bigger issue was back then I was 27 and a virgin and only agreed to oral sex. At first he was okay with it but after 6 months I think he was annoyed. Coupled with my RA diagnosis at the time, I just wasnt ready.

    Family and values wise we came from similar families, both one religion, both went on to complete similar levels of education. I think Im just not as passionate about what I do and fully accept that working 34 hours per week is enough for me. Most of the time when we talk on social media its because we both have the same political view and agree with a meme or comment.

    After 2 years I really do want to talk to him, see where he stands, (no clue if hes dating or not), perhaps try to rekindle things, but am scared to contact him and dont even know what to say- again, what if hes in a relationship?

    (My 15 mo niece once called him and he only texted back just saw your call now, was in the OR, hope all is well if you need reference)


    Does anyone have any advice or good experience on how to go about this.

    Thank you, a very lost cause.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sabrina918
    Im 30, hes 42. We dated for 9 months 2 years ago and he abruptly ended things saying hes not ready for marriage and commitment.
    He ended it. It would be up him to suggest starting anything up again. You've been in contact and it doesn't appear he's made the effort.
    If you can handle being shot down again, go ahead and ask.
    But it needs to be mentioned, he didn't mind losing you to begin with.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Lots of projection and verbal abuse and a realization that I dodged a bullet when I realized another woman was at his house, I fully let go. I realized I'll never get my items back, I'll never get the real reason, and I'll never get closure. Most importantly, I'll never see or know the man I fell in love with, only the dismissive jerk he became those last 2 months. He's 40, I'm 29.

    ^^ same guy?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why your niece is contacting him at all. That call from her is veering on inappropriate and he responded like any adult would. You only dated him for 9 months also previously. The niece reaching out seems inappropriate unless she needed his specific help on something, and even then, she should have gone through you and not assumed he's a friend of hers.

    Do you want to go over or chat a bit about why you don't feel as passionate about what you do (for work)? Not everyone is passionate about their career and that's fine. You should realize that if you're with a workaholic or someone who's career-oriented, you both may be very incompatible to start. He might not have any time for you if you're looking for time together as a couple.

    What makes you think this is a good idea? Just curious.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did you break up with someone recently or have you been lonely or depressed? What is making you think of someone so different and so unavailable who you only dated 36 weeks now 2 years latter?

    It ended because you were pushing for marriage within that time and he was 'too busy'. You were completely incompatible and that has most likely not changed. Move forward not backward. It would be quite awkward finding out he's with someone, living with someone or married and you still have not moved on, no?
    Originally Posted by Sabrina918
    We dated for 9 months 2 years ago and he abruptly ended things saying hes not ready for marriage and commitment. After 2 years I really do want to talk to him, see where he stands, (no clue if hes dating or not), perhaps try to rekindle things

  7. #6
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    It's not about time -my husband and I were engaged in the past, broke up, got back together almost 8 years later - it's about why you two broke up and what has changed. He's had countless opportunities to ask you out again, to reach out - and he hasn't. Take that as clarity that he doesn't want to get back together. Not because he is a workaholic -that was never the reason - but because he doesn't see long term potential with you and he didn't want to lead you on.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Are there no other guys in your area who are available?

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm not sure why your niece is contacting him at all. That call from her is veering on inappropriate and he responded like any adult would.
    The niece is 15 mo (months) old. She was probably playing with OP's phone and accidentally dialed the dude...

  10. 10-09-2019, 02:02 PM

  11. #9
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    Only thing that stands out to me is that he is 42 and not ready for commitment. And you are 30 and ready.

    If at 42 he is not ready for commitment, then he never will be.

    He let that ride pass him by.

    If i were you i'd stop wasting my time on him.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    A true workaholic is a person with emotional issues and baggage, aka toxic individual, who uses working all the time to essentially run away from themselves and others, rather than address their inner problems. In short, it's not the kind of a person who will make a good partner.

    Outside of that, many people use work work work, busy busy busy to let others down easy. They aren't that busy, they are simply not interested in dating you.

    What it boils down to is that he has your contact info and you've spent two years hovering around, reminding him of your existence and he doesn't care. He hasn't reached out to you, he has never suggested dating again, he cares so little that he never blocked you or removed you from his social media because seeing your comments isn't even a blip on his radar. It's the definition of doesn't care. Accept that he is not interested and just move on. Guy has time to mess around on social media? You bet he has time for dating and personal life too, he just doesn't want to spend that time on you. Sorry if I'm being harsh, but you've got to disconnect and move on at long last. Delete him from your social media and truly let go.

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