Not revolving my college schedule around stepson

[Andrina]

Perhaps it's the way you worded things that your bf sensed an uncaring attitude. Perhaps you should've said, "Let's think of how we'll logistically handle Son's school schedule next year if he lives with us permanently, since I'm going to be working some 12 hour days. He'll need to go to before or after school care, or maybe you can pay a relative who is willing to care for him until you get out of work."

Does he appreciate what you do for his son? What hours does he work? Does he help with homework, too? Can he afford before and/or after school care, and would utilizing this school service work for him, being able to drop him off and pick him up? If a sports or musical activity is so important to the parents, there are after school programs where a bus will pick up the child and bring them to their program of karate or music lessons, etc.

He's really the one who should be thinking of these things and having these discussions with you. I don't know your dynamic since you haven't given more details. There's a possibility the parents are lazy and if someone else will take on the tasks of child care duty, that's a nice breather for them. And then when they see the doormat is no longer willing to be a doormat, they balk because they will have to do the schedule-juggling themselves.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[figureitout23]

Are we being trolled?

Your name sounded familiar so I checked your post history and you stated you were 4 months pregnant back in February... you stated you met him and got pregnant a few months later which would mean you two have only been together for about a year and you also mentioned you were epileptic so you moving in with him was so he could care for you...

Care to explain?

[happyfrank]

BF needs to watch both kids while you finish school & work. It's his responsibility being the father.

[Camber 2019]

Are we being trolled?

Your name sounded familiar so I checked your post history and you stated you were 4 months pregnant back in February... you stated you met him and got pregnant a few months later which would mean you two have only been together for about a year and you also mentioned you were epileptic so you moving in with him was so he could care for you...

Care to explain?

Yep... that's some crazy math!

[abitbroken]

Sorry, if you are marrying him or otherwise living with him and coupled, you took on being stepmom officiallly or unofficially. He has no reliable mother. The way you treat your child's half sibling sounds like it will be atrocious. If you work 3 days a week, 12 hours a day, then talk to your guy about arranging childcare for both children on those three days -- whether he stays home for part of the day and puts the kids in daycare for part of the day or what. And that's it. the other days of the week, you care for your baby, and if stepson is there, you take care of him, too, while your guy is at work. you agreed to this situation and if the child's mother is in the hospital or not always reliable, either have him arrange with grandparents to babysit him at times to get a break when you first have the baby - but don't be cruel to this child.

[Gianna2345]

I am a firm believer parenthood and careers can coincide. SO works 5:30-4:10, gets home lays down plays video games or watches football. I clean, cook, and do my school work, help his child with hw make sure his child is showered. Make sure his child is advancing in school and his reading gets better. Kids at school and his teachers think I am his mom, that is how often his mom has picked him up from school. On days off she cannot bother to do so or uber to pick him up or see him. My mom will be caring for my daughter while im at school, 2-3 days a week. On weekends my SO will take care of her while I work. I am living on money I saved up working 2 jobs earlier trimester. When he told me "im letting him down" i felt they already did that by not getting legal issues dolved and not caring for their childs upbringing, him and I arent married. I know child will be confused if I play mom, and then she will get her feelings hurt. It is sad, but I do not think I can be a doormate, step parent hyes, but not someones doormat, especially 2 people

[Gianna2345]

PS> my parents think his son does not behave well, and mocks adults, my SO babies him too much and are not fans of taking care of him

[figureitout23]

So you gonna explain the conflicting time lines or....cause 12 months pregnant, high risk pregnancy, work and childcare full time... girl tell me your secret!

[Batya33]

I am a firm believer parenthood and careers can coincide. SO works 5:30-4:10, gets home lays down plays video games or watches football. I clean, cook, and do my school work, help his child with hw make sure his child is showered. Make sure his child is advancing in school and his reading gets better. Kids at school and his teachers think I am his mom, that is how often his mom has picked him up from school. On days off she cannot bother to do so or uber to pick him up or see him. My mom will be caring for my daughter while im at school, 2-3 days a week. On weekends my SO will take care of her while I work. I am living on money I saved up working 2 jobs earlier trimester. When he told me "im letting him down" i felt they already did that by not getting legal issues dolved and not caring for their childs upbringing, him and I arent married. I know child will be confused if I play mom, and then she will get her feelings hurt. It is sad, but I do not think I can be a doormate, step parent hyes, but not someones doormat, especially 2 people

Yes of course it can coincide if you have your mom giving you free childcare - you can be as firm a believer as you want - but for women who don't have access to free childcare from grandparents belief often cannot be reality.
Since you're not married understand that he can decide not to take care of your child together, have you move out and pay you child support instead so the child care he is giving to your child together might end. You're not married and the boy is not your son, that is true, but if you want him to be the main caregiver on weekends rather than just give you full custody and you have to pursue child support and child care maybe play nicely in the sandbox.

Also want to know about the timing figureitout pointed out.

[maew]

he has a mom and she needs to be a mom not get comfortable because there is a stepparent.

This may be true but there is absolutely nothing you can do about this. It's a waste of energy to blame her for anything, and your bf bears just as much responsibility here.

Instead of living in fear that you won't get what you want and creating conflict on something that hasn't even happened yet, maybe sit back and reflect on what you really do want, talk to your BF in an adult way and also listen to his concerns etc. and try to come up with a solution that will work for both of you.

At the end of the day if you treat his son differently, even if it's to huff and puff and blame his mom/dad for her lack of consistency, his son WILL notice and this will impact how he feels about you in the long run.