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Thread: Going travelling..

  1. #1
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    Going travelling..

    Hi all

    I posted previously about this.. So i was seeing a girl for a few weeks in February, and she was booked to go away travelling in March.. So when she left we carried on talking, but then she wanted to be fully single etc so we cut ties with each other and both led our own lives when she was away. Anyway, she has now been home for 6 weeks in the same city as me and we have met up and dated and it went well. However, I am now booked to also travel in 4 weeks time and will be away for a couple of months. Initially i was due to go away for a longer period of time but due to work have had to cut it to 2 months.

    We were originally planning on keeping it chilled until i went away and then doing our own thing once i go, but she then said her feelings are developing a lot and that she would want me to commit to a relationship with her before i go away. I said i was not 100% sure i was ready because she has only been home for 6 weeks after basically no contact for 6 months, and that i did like her but i was not in to it 100% which is what it should be to commit to a relationship when away travelling.

    A couple of weeks went by of texting a little and we were civil and i was in a good place but then we met over the weekend when drunk and ended up sleeping together. The next day in the moment i said i would commit to her when she asked, however i was having second thoughts on this a couple of days after so i told her i was sorry i shouldnt have said it and i cant do it right now..

    She was very upset and angry with me and i feel i could have ruined what potential we had together for when i was home in a couple of months.

    Can anyone offer any advice or words on the situation please?

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    So wait, she went travelling but wanted to be single 100% so she could hook up with whatever foreign guys she liked without having to worry about you. Now you are going travelling and she is demanding you commit before you go? She dangled the carrot from her panties at you while you were drunk, and you took the bait, shagged her, decided to commit no doubt at her persuasion but changed you mind and she is upset.

    Honestly, to me she sounds manipulative. Why does she get to go away and cut all contact, but you must commit to her before you go?

    I say forget about her and go travelling breaking all contact. There are 3.5 billion other women in the world if this one doesn't work out. Enjoy your travels, have fun without the feeling of being tied down and see what happens when you get back. If she is still upset, find a different girl.

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    I think it’s more a matter of an inopportune moment than “potentially ruining a good thing”.

    Your upcoming travels simply don’t permit the time and attention needed to move things along.

    Maybe maintaining an open-relationship while traveling is the right decision but you'll both need to agree on what that means. If you or she think that may be too challenging than perhaps it is best to drop all contact with one another until you return from your travels. It already sounds like deeper feelings are starting to take root so being in agreement sooner rather than later would probably be wise.

  4. 10-09-2019, 05:36 AM

  5. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    As long as you are straight forward and upfront about keeping things open and casual, neither of you will get hurt. It's silly to be "100% committed", when you won't be seeing each other for months on end.

    Why not keep things casual? Don't make empty promises just to sleep together or line up sex for when you return. Just end it and free both yourselves from this. It's best not to string anyone along.
    Originally Posted by Izac1789
    A i told her i was sorry i shouldnt have said it and i cant do it right now..She was very upset and angry with me and i feel i could have ruined what potential we had together for when i was home in a couple of months.

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  7. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by keyman
    so wait, she went travelling but wanted to be single 100% so she could hook up with whatever foreign guys she liked without having to worry about you. Now you are going travelling and she is demanding you commit before you go? She dangled the carrot from her panties at you while you were drunk, and you took the bait, shagged her, decided to commit no doubt at her persuasion but changed you mind and she is upset.

    Honestly, to me she sounds manipulative. Why does she get to go away and cut all contact, but you must commit to her before you go?

    I say forget about her and go traveling breaking all contact. There are 3.5 billion other women in the world if this one doesn't work out. Enjoy your travels, have fun without the feeling of being tied down and see what happens when you get back. If she is still upset, find a different girl.
    ^^^^^ this!!

  8. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I don't think either of you are really into each other enough to warrant a serious relationship. For one thing, after two weeks of dating, I don't even know why a discussion about her wanting to be fully single came up, as there was no exclusivity at that point. If she'd really been into you, she simply would've said, "It's hard for me to leave when I've just started getting to know you. I won't have much opportunity to communicate when I'm gone, but when I return, I'll reach out to you and see if you want to try dating again."

    As for you, after spending a month and a half together and having sex, when you're thinking to the future of your two months away with a, "Wow, what if I can get some hot chick to have a one night stand with me on my adventure? What a drag if I can't take advantage of that when I'm tied to a ball and chain." Then you're just not that into her.

    When I've been in the throes of the honeymoon stage with a new guy, my total focus is on him and I have absolutely no interest in exploring elsewhere. That's when the sparks and excitement are at their paramount before coming back to earth. Maybe her previous decision has tainted how you feel and you're putting up barriers. Whatever the case, you two have built a foundation with jagged rocks that will take a lot of work to soften if you choose to move ahead after your vacation.

  9. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    What's good for the goose is good for the gander......

    In other words don't get involved with someone you don't even know when the first thing they show you is the that she'll do whatever as she pleases, but then demand commitment from you while you are traveling. Wrong wrong wrong. You are correct that you aren't far enough along for anything such and you, quite frankly, shouldn't be tolerant of that kind of hypocrisy.

    Right now, the timing isn't working. It's one of those if it's mean to be, then you'll get together properly once you are both in the same place and if not, it really wasn't the match, the one, or anything else such. I also agree with whoever said that you both don't seem that into each other if you are completely honest about it. It's more like you are clinging to something you've started just because neither one of you have anything else going on that's better....at the moment....until it changes.... Totally not worth it. Go be single and let the chips fall where they may.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Early days... I can't help but wonder though whether she is genuine and not some type of manipulative medusa. She could very well have reached a new phase or new point in her life where she felt emotionally ready to commit to someone. Two months isn't long at all in the grand scheme of things and she may view things like this is your opportunity to take a stab at her now when the situation isn't comparable in her eyes. She's hurt either way and there's no reason to be meanspirited towards each other or unkind. There are always different sides to the story.

    I'd keep things respectful and be kind to each other. There's no point getting upset about the situation or things getting out of hand. Don't over-explain yourself either and don't tell her she's a bad person. Enjoy your trip.

  11. #9
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Early days... I can't help but wonder though whether she is genuine and not some type of manipulative medusa. She could very well have reached a new phase or new point in her life where she felt emotionally ready to commit to someone. Two months isn't long at all in the grand scheme of things and she may view things like this is your opportunity to take a stab at her now when the situation isn't comparable in her eyes. She's hurt either way and there's no reason to be meanspirited towards each other or unkind. There are always different sides to the story.

    I'd keep things respectful and be kind to each other. There's no point getting upset about the situation or things getting out of hand. Don't over-explain yourself either and don't tell her she's a bad person. Enjoy your trip.
    Thanks for the advice. I have just said i am sorry for changing my mind and said i have always been honest with her and myself in this situation. I have kept it civil and we have left things be now.

    Thanks for your help

  12. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    That's good to hear.. welcome!


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