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Thread: After guys meet me in person they say im "not bad looking"?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The only person who matters is you. Stop asking boys/dates about your looks. That means being confident. It means not telling them about any prior dating disappointments. Everyone who has tried online dating has had plenty of one-and-done meets. It's a nature of it. It's not personal.

    If that means getting a new look or hairstyle or outfit, do that. If it means volunteering at the library or hospital or animal shelter, do that. If it means taking some courses or classes to broaden your job opportunities, do that.
    Originally Posted by Sakura123
    I'll get into therapy and yes I do work. I didnt tell them about my dating life or whatever this was just a quick post on Askmen on reddit about if they would find it offputting.

  2. #32
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    The majority of people are average to not so great looking, yet they find partners. This is about your neediness, insecurities and negativity you bring to dates. No one wants to hang out with that. It is exhausting.

    I am sure you will not absorb this, as it is easier to blame your looks than address your personality.

    I also believe suggest that you try volunteering to focus on others and stop obsessing over yourself!
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-10-2019 at 11:06 AM.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sakura123
    Then this guy who seemed okay with meeting my dad , actually he knows my dad is kind of controlling and sometimes abusive and he has a dad like that too but the guy that made an excuse to leave early cause my dad showed up and he got a feeling something was off....

    I guess I keep asking them cause I feel like they are lying when they say "yes I'm pretty" or the rare times a guy has complimented me on a first date. I didnt believe my ex when he said he liked me or was attracted to me.
    Sakura, you need real help from a psychologist and possibly additional help working through your feelings of insecurity and abuse at home. If you're coming from an unhealthy and destructive environment at home, you're not going to feel good about yourself. You've latched onto concepts of beauty and have issues with your self-image that are not normal for the average person.

    Try working with a psychologist or someone qualified in helping you with issues regarding self-worth and self-esteem. Learn to separate emotional abuse from your sense of identity.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Why is it so very important to you that men find you "pretty "?

    Where did you get this laser focus on looks above all else?

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  6. #35
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    Is it possible a couple of these guys said "im not bad looking " or not too bad looking" cause I asked them more than once about my looks to where they got a little tired of it so they said something slightly negative? Is it also possible these guys or at least some thought i looked as good as my pics but once they met me despite knowing already about my past rejections, they stopped finding me attractive because of the negative energy or vibe i may be putting out or the question asking? Since you said it's not really about looks?

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Absolutely it's about perception and the aura you give off.
    Originally Posted by Sakura123
    Is it also possible these guys or at least some thought i looked as good as my pics but once they met me despite knowing already about my past rejections, they stopped finding me attractive because of the negative energy or vibe i may be putting out or the question asking? Since you said it's not really about looks?

  8. #37
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    It's the negativity, insecurity, crying, need for validation etc....

    Please seek help!

  9. #38
    Bronze Member kim42's Avatar
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    Delete all dating apps, seek a therapist, you need to change your mindset completely.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by Sakura123
    Is it possible a couple of these guys said "im not bad looking " or not too bad looking" cause I asked them more than once about my looks to where they got a little tired of it so they said something slightly negative? Is it also possible these guys or at least some thought i looked as good as my pics but once they met me despite knowing already about my past rejections, they stopped finding me attractive because of the negative energy or vibe i may be putting out or the question asking? Since you said it's not really about looks?
    I think your question probably irritated these men who barely were acquainted with you and asking more than once is approaching creepy, if not creepy. If someone who overshared with me upon first meeting me then texted me asking me what I thought about his/her physical features, more than once, my goal would be to get that person to leave me alone without provoking the person because I would assume the person was not stable. I probably would not respond at all. "Not bad looking" is better than "I found you attractive" because you might then misinterpret that as interest in continuing the interaction. These near strangers wanted you to stop texting without being confrontational so "not bad looking" did not encourage a further response from you -or so they hoped.

    Please do seek therapy because if you continue not to have an appropriate sense of boundaries you might find yourself in a situation where people are angry with you and not just irritated or annoyed.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why is it so very important to you that men find you "pretty "?

    Where did you get this laser focus on looks above all else?
    Quoting myself because you didn't answer this. Still wondering.

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