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Thread: After guys meet me in person they say im "not bad looking"?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Honey, it's not your looks, it's your complete lack of basic social skills and extreme personal insecurities that you want to inflict on your poor dates. I was cringing reading your post and I'm not surprised that guys run away from that. Also, stop asking guys for feedback, because you make yourself look completely unhinged and when you act like that, people will get harsh and say whatever mean thing they think will make you go away. When you are demanding negative feedback, you'll get it.

    The good news is that you can fix both, social skills and extreme insecurities. Social skills are learned. Insecurities can be fixed. You literally need to learn how to behave appropriately. Find a life coach or a therapist, but take care of that and you'll change your life and results completely. Yes, your behavior is so off you need real professional coaching and help to get your head screwed on straight.
    OMG this OP... my heart breaks when I read about how you impose your extreme neediness and insecurity on these guys, that's why they run away, not because of how you look!

    And why do some women get so many people telling them they are beautiful? Because they act with confidence, they focus on doing things that bring them joy and happiness on the inside, the work on bettering themselves, they spend time doing things that help them with their overall wellness. Radiating sunshine and joy makes others naturally want to be around you... being an energy vampire puts people off and scares them away.

  2. #12
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    You should NEVER be telling dates about your dating woes. And, no more questions about your appearance. People want to date others who are confident.

    Do you want a relationship or do you only want to settle for being someone's sex buddy.

    I do not think you are ready to date and need to get your self esteem addressed. Have you considered therapy?

    This has nothing to do with looks, but your lack of self worth. Men can smell it a mile away.

    Your thread made me very sad. Please seek the help you desperately need, or you are going to a target for some very bad men.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-09-2019 at 07:42 PM.

  3. #13
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    OP

    I agree with Holly on attracting bad men. Some People like to take advantage of those who are insecure. In fact in the dating world , youíll encounter more that prey on those who they find, they can take advantage of.

    Your looks and the girl next to you her looks have nothing to do with finding quality men.

    Itís what you put out there.

    If you put out negative vibes, youll get them back in return.

    So you putting out there on dates youíre Ďugly.í
    The guy depending on who he is will think ď Great, easy sex.Ē He will take advantage of the low self esteem and try to manipulate his way into the bedroom. Hence why youíre being asked for sex and nudes.

    You need to love yourself before anybody can love you.

    Then youíll exute radiance.

  4. #14
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    The thing I don't understand is, I told some of these guys before we met in person about my bad experiences with men and they still agreed to meet up in person so if it's a turn off why do they still agree to meet up for a first date?.

    I mean i don't beg them to meet me i just share my negative experiences and ask if im pretty and they say yes and these are guys that messaged me first but anyway why do some still go on a first date with me? Pity maybe or taking advantage or just hoping I'll not talk about it during the first date since we also talk about hobbies and stuff too? Why don't they tell me that's the reason they are rejecting me after the first date?

    How come instead they block or leaving during the first date after 20 minutes of meeting me (same guys that still agreed to meet up with me despite me being upset about my past) instead of saying "I'm sorry but i don't want to see you again cause your too insecure."?

    One date i didn't mention, said the reason he didnt see me again for a second date was cause he was and i quote "felt too high and mighty to date a thick girl" but i remember he agreed to still go on a first date with me despite me venting about my issues beforehand. I did ask him alot if he meant it when he answered that i was pretty in person and he said yes when i asked if i looked like my pics.

    Why did he have to say it was my weight and the fact he wasnt ready for a relationship instead of saying "honestly i didn't give you a second date cause you kept asking after the date about how you looked" or something? I took recent full body pics so i don't think i looked bigger in person. I asked why he messaged me and decided to meet me in the first place if he didnt like my weight and he said "I just wanted to give everyone a chance."

    Why didn't any of these first meetups or dates tell me it was my insecurities that turn them off? They just leave early or block me after meeting me in person despite me telling most of them before the date about my issues and they go on it anyway and say they won't block me or be like other guys then they do?


    I had two I didnt even meet say i was too insecure but i had other guys still agree to meet up anyway and then they reject me after and idk what to think about that although i did break down crying on a few first dates cause i felt they didn't seem interested then they end up blocking me later that night.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's about how preoccupied you are about your looks. People don't want to stick around for that because it's high maintenance, honestly. People usually also don't like it when someone fishes for compliments. Asking about your looks or looking for a specific response is fishing for a compliment. Very unattractive and shows no manners on top of being insecure. It's an automatic pass.

    I think they agree to meet you despite you talking about your negative experiences because they want to see what all the hype is about. You're a big talker, it seems. And they just want to see whether all that hype matches. Some may want to give you a chance because maybe they think you're just being modest but when they find out your personality and that you're insecure, they can't handle it and don't want to be around a negative person.

  7. #16
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    Is it also a turn off to cry on a date?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Sakura123
    Is it also a turn off to cry on a date?
    Yes. Why are you crying on dates? Why are you being so negative and dramatic? Dates should be fun. Your dates soind exhausting, this is why your dates bail, it is not about your looks. Do you have friends?

    Please get some help.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sakura123
    i just share my negative experiences and ask if im pretty
    ^^^^ This is why and you know it is. Don't undermine yourself like this
    Originally Posted by Sakura123
    Why don't they tell me that's the reason they are rejecting me after the first date

  10. #19
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Maybe they are hoping that in person you are a stable, secure and functional human being.

    You definitely dispel that notion when you burst into tears and start over sharing.

    Over sharing is like throwing up... it may feel good for the person to do it but it most definitely does not fee good for the people that are around them when itís happening.

    They are trying to be kind by not telling you the truth about your behaviour... Or they are afraid to in case you lose your $hit... or they donít even know why they are put off they just are.

    You need to focus on building your confidence and self esteem before you keep dating.

  11. #20
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    Maybe. I hope so I'd rather that than it be about my looks. Idk what to think when I told a couple of the dates that I try taking accurate photos and stuff like they never said my pics are misleading but i kind of get worried and i say that and one just said "im sorry" after I said "i tried taking accurate pics of myself , I was just hoping my photos arent misleading" and he replied with "im sorry" like i hope he wasnt implying that i misrepresented myself but anyway our first date was a year ago and he added me on Facebook and after chatting with me a bit thats when he said he felt terrible for ignoring and being rude after the first date despite kissing me and being so into me even though yes before the first date.

    I have told him my bad dating stories and he agreed to go on a date anyway and on the date i actually didnt talk about my bad experiences during that date tho but after the date i felt he was making excuses cause he's busy or something but still seemed interested but i told him he's probably lying and doesn't want to see me again so we get in some arguments and yea that's the same guy who posted on Facebook to people about how he's glad I'm out of his life and that he never wanted to be with me anyway and i saw this after he friended me when didnt talk for a year and anyway I couldn't help but scroll down to his old post about me and he must of made it after i blocked him that day after our argument.

    He got alot of comments on that post that day and he got embarrased when i said i saw that old post about me. I didnt read the comments though cause im worried he was saying I was ugly in person. Im over him I just got curious and he said he was freaked out about me screenshotting a couple of posts he made or whatever Idk why I did that but that was before our date and he agreed to see me anyway.


    Then this guy who seemed okay with meeting my dad , actually he knows my dad is kind of controlling and sometimes abusive and he has a dad like that too but the guy that made an excuse to leave early cause my dad showed up and he got a feeling something was off well when he left I said "im sorry you think I'm so ugly you had to leave" and all he said was "I'm sorry" like is he agreeing thats why he left? We even video chatting i mean my friend kept texting me and I checked my phone a few times but idk if that made it worse or not but he wouldnt say why something was off and later he said it was my dad that spooked him like something about my dad even tho my dad was friendly to him.

    What about the guy that also said there was no second date because he felt too high and mighty to date a thick girl? That guy tho i did talk about a guy that might of been using me for nudes but idk and then after the date every now and then i would ask if he found me pretty in person and he assured me i was beautiful or whatever but never told me anything about my insecurity.

    I probably should of added I didnt talk about my past to all my dates during the date, mostly a few days before the date and usually the insecurity questions come after we gone home from the date then i ask if i look like my pictures and i have asked that on a few dates too I'm just saying I didn't do that with everyday but usually after the date is when I ask the "was i pretty in person?" questions and sometimes the guys just want to be friends after they wanted a relationship with me or they say arent ready for one.

    I guess I keep asking them cause I feel like they are lying when they say "yes I'm pretty" or the rare times a guy has complimented me on a first date. I didnt believe my ex when he said he liked me or was attracted to me.
    Last edited by Sakura123; 10-10-2019 at 02:09 AM.

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