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Thread: I did perverted acts in college, and now I feel all the guilt and shame

  1. #1

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    I did perverted acts in college, and now I feel all the guilt and shame

    I want to preface with the fact that I'm now in a stable relationship with a wonderful woman. The story below was a phase of my life that I truly regret and I'm now having an intense guilt trip because I feel like I'm hiding my past from my significant other. I don't think I should tell her, as it's not relevant to who I am today. I'm never going back to who I was. I'm trying to forget the past and rebuild my life, which has been going well, but the shame keeps attacking me.

    Here's my regretful past: Starting at 19 (I'm 28 now), I stole dozens of panties from dryers from my college dorms for masturbation uses. I kept using and bringing them with me for a few years. There was even a time when I ejaculated in one of them, wiped it off, and placed it back in the dryer (I know, I'm utterly disgusted with myself :( I was also a revenge porn viewer addict, got into cybersex sessions, and even catfished as a bisexual woman on online dating sites to get nudes from women got so lonely the other year that I bought one of those expensive sex dolls and dressing it with the panties, as well as other stolen items.

    Since then, I've thrown away everything: the stolen panties/clothes, the expensive sex doll, and have been porn-free for months.

    I realize everyone has a past, some more ridiculous or darker than others. I'm in a much better place now, and I hope one of these days in the near future, I can get over my transgression, and move on with my life. What kind of advice do you have?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't inflict this on your gf or current relationship. If it still haunts you unpack and sort it out privately and confidentially in therapy. Particularly if you still fantasize about it or worry you may return to it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You need to do some honest inventory and admit to yourself if these things are still present in you or could be.
    You mentioned being porn free for months.
    You said you did these things 9 years ago, but how long have you abstained exactly?

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    Yeah...

    I think your first concern should be to determine if you are ready for a relationship, and if these urges truly are gone.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Let me guess, since you met this woman you have tossed every out and obtained from porn, all for the relationship right? What happens when hit a rough patch or two? You will most likely go back to doing it. Whatever you were escaping from, needs to be sorted out with a therapist. Just like an alcoholic, you just can't expect not to fall off the wagon if the issues as to why are not addressed. Is that where you find yourself? Are you in doubt that you can hold back from falling into old habits? TBH the time you could ever divulge this info if you decide to, is to know the reason for it first, and what you have done to correct it.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think a therapist could help you unburden yourself successfully, so please consider it.

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    Silver Member Rising100's Avatar
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    Why did u do all this?
    Just wondering

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you should be disclosing this to your partner and if it is weighing so heavily on you and you are unable to talk about it, you may not be ready for a fullblown relationship. It sounds like this is too heavy for you to bear and keeping it from her is bothering you. You should speak about it with someone but I think your current partner should know. I'm not keen on any type of misinformation or hidden information in relationships no matter how private. If you're serious about her, don't hide your past.

  10. 10-08-2019, 04:33 PM

  11. #9

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    No urges or signs of it any of it coming back. I've abstained for well over a year.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did you recently convert to or find religion? Is this woman part of that? What prompted you to have this conversation?
    Originally Posted by DonCania
    I've been dating this woman for 5 months total, exclusive for one month. We haven't had sex, and don't plan on it until we marry each other. she asked "how far do you go physically in dating?" I said, "I'm waiting for marriage on everything,"

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