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Thread: Bad date, good friends

  1. #1
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    Bad date, good friends

    Ok so I went on a first date with this guy that I met on a dating app. Things seemed to be going pretty well, and he told me that his roommates were just down the street at another bar and asked if I wanted to go down and join them. I didn't really know that we'd be doing that but I said sure that's fine. So we walked down to the bar where they were, met them and the four of us start drinking and hanging out. Turns out one of them is my date's brother and the other is their friend and they all live together. So the bar starts closing and they all asked well what do we wanna do, do we wanna go somewhere else? And so we all decided to go to a different area of town and have some more drinks. Once we get down there, we see a couple more friends of his and he goes and tells them hey and where we'll be later if they want to join, and then we go meet back up with his roommates. But he tells his roommates "I don't really wanna hang with these guys because one of them gets all macho and douchey when he drinks." So we decide they'll finish their drinks and then we'll go somewhere else. But before we can do that, these other guys show up. My date starts talking to them, completely ignoring me. His brother and his friend come over and are saying that they know I'm probably uncomfortable right now and maybe if the 3 of us go somewhere else then my date will follow and we can ditch these other guys, so I say ok sounds good. We do that, and we get to another bar and I asked my date's brother if my date was coming to meet us, and he said that he told him that he might come. And his friend is like uh... what? His brother goes "yea I love my brother, but he's kind of an sometimes." So to sum up, I spent like another hour and a half just hanging out with this guy's roommates having a great time, they were awesome. At the very end of the night my date finally met back up with us, but other than that I basically haven't spoken to him for the last 2 hours of our "date." Obviously my date was kind of a for abandoning me, but I really had a good time with his friends and they were talking like we should hang out again and we all had fun and all this. My date hasn't contacted me at all (shocker) and I didn't get the number of either his brother or his friend. Is there a way I could text my date and ask him for that without it being totally weird?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you want to go down the unconventional route, the date was unconventional to start so I don't know who you'd be offending (certainly not your date). You're not impressing anyone. Do whatever you want. You have nothing to lose.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to here this. Sounds more like a pub crawl that a first meet. It may be best to steer clear of all of them. It would be very awkward to pick up his brother or one of his friends.
    Originally Posted by sammy1592
    I went on a first date with this guy that I met on a dating app. My date starts talking to them, completely ignoring me. I asked my date's brother if my date was coming to meet us, and he said that he told him that he might come. At the very end of the night my date finally met back up with us. I didn't get the number of either his brother or his friend. Is there a way I could text my date and ask him for that without it being totally weird?

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Ohhh girl, that was kinda dbag-ish of that guy. What I see is a group o guys, that if one of them doesn't want their date, the others can have a stub at her. Not a classy situation. Even tho they were kind, the setting is bad, and if it were me, I wouldn't go there again. If they really wanted to hang out with you, they would have asked for your number. Like I said they were just being nice, but not interested nice.

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  6. #5
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    If a relationship is what you are looking for (not just a good time), I would let this whole situation go.

    I get that you were just going with the flow and having fun (and there is nothing wrong with that)... but honestly, while I may have gone to the 2nd location, when they start to talk about a 3rd, 4th, 5th location - thatís when I would have taken my leave. It was already clear at that point that the night was no longer about really getting to know YOU... it was about the party. (Again, nothing wrong with that as long as a party is what you were looking for).

    I think they are likely all in the same place in life - in a party phase.

    Iíd chalk it all up to a fun night and a neat dating adventure (not all bad dates end up being creepy!) but I would consider what you are looking for. If itís a relationship, I donít think youíll find it here.

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    I'm not really looking for a serious relationship right now, or any kind of romantic entanglement with those guys. I literally just had a good time hanging out with them and felt like I'd like to hang out with them again. But I'm thinking others are right when they said that if they'd really wanted to hang out with me again one of them probably would've gotten my number. So I'll most likely just let it go.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Any reason you were still lingering around when the first bar was closing out? I mean as far as first dates go, doing what you originally did and deciding you like each other enough to catch a couple drinks after is perfectly fine. But I'd have taken closing time at the first place as a great segue to thank him, tell him you enjoyed yourself, and to call or text you. Committing to the full pub crawl seems a bit much. He could have employed a bit more class, but I don't necessarily think it was him "ditching you" by putting some attention on his other friends after however many hours spent with you as a near stranger, only for you to leave him behind with his brother and friend. I think he was understandably just done with the date. The lack of follow-up would seem to support that.

    Regardless, no, there's no way to ask that without it being awkward. Can't say I'd see myself not giving you the numbers if you asked, but there'd be an "...okkaay...?" once I hit send. I'd chalk it up as having a one-off good evening. Do as you will, though.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yeah, go out with your own friends and next time keep the first meet brief and sober. It seems to have gotten out of hand with your date disappearing, etc.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sammy1592
    I'm not really looking for a serious relationship right now, or any kind of romantic entanglement with those guys. I literally just had a good time hanging out with them and felt like I'd like to hang out with them again. But I'm thinking others are right when they said that if they'd really wanted to hang out with me again one of them probably would've gotten my number. So I'll most likely just let it go.
    Good call. I would let it go too.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Honestly, it would make you seem pretty desperate in a weird kind of way. The guy you were with was kind of an azz, his roommates/friend/brother simply took pity on you. I really don't know why you didn't leave sooner and kept on hanging out long after your date was over. Don't confuse people taking pity on you for something more. Also, going forward, exercise a bit more common sense and know when to call it a day on things. They may have been nice to you, but overall it was an awkward situation for all involved.


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