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Thread: Im afraid to lose him

  1. #31
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    He doesn't hate you, and you're not a bad person. He just doesn't have the emotional bandwidth to accommodate you right now. It's not personal, not a verdict on you, but more like a fact, no different from the earth being round and there being 24 hours in a day.

    Think of it like this. Let's say he was your husband of a decade, and let's say you were having a really rough day and wanted a hug. Trouble is, he is a surgeon who has been sent to another country to preform a 14-hour heart transplant.

    You know, at the very moment you want that hug, that he is in the second hour of surgery. What do you do? Do you call the hospital, find a way to pull him out of surgery, so he can get on a private jet and hug you? No, that would be absurd. You would, as they say, suck it up. You'd find a way to get what you wanted from his hug elsewhereóa drink with a friend, a bath, a workout. You would do that out of both respect to him and yourself.

    This is the dating version of that scenarioóthe breakup version. He is busy performing surgery on himself, on his life. Respect that, and respect that it means he can't offer you what you need from romance. That is the road to security. FB is the road to insecurity. I say take the first exit, for both of you.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok ball in his court. Now you can relax ans k let him be. Why are you scanning and probing his social media? Are you hoping to find or detect something? You may find out he's dating someone else, which he has every right to do since he officially ended things with you. Why not move on?
    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    I did tell him as well that when he is ready to reach out he can so I guess he just isnít ready.

  3. #33

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    Last time we spoke he said he wasn’t dating anyone or even interested in anyone else because he is so focused on himself and his recovery. Also I understand he has every right to do so but I’m really trying not think so because I’ve been overthinking everything.

  4. #34
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    Move on......

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    This makes me feel like Iím a bad person.
    You are not a bad person. You just made a choice that wasn't that thoughtful with respect to him, so you could try to get what you want -reassurance. Just move on and accept that he most likely will never be ready to date you. And that's ok.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I did tell him as well that when he is ready to reach out he can so I guess he just isnít ready

    From what I've witnessed in life, whenever a person ends things because of supposed barriers/issues of any kind, when they do feel ready for romance again, 99 percent of the time it's with someone else.

    When he said he'd always answer texts and would never push you away, he was avoiding the extreme drama that a message of a permanent break up with zero chance of reconciliation would likely illicit; crying and begging from a woman who was totally into him. He assumed a gradual fading away would be easier on himself.

    It's good you've come here for help, because people who have been there and done that can give you the benefit of their numerous life experiences, which you're only just beginning to survive, yourself. Listen, take the advice which is unanimous, and feel positive you've learned a life lesson that will have you being more knowledgeable going forward into the future.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    I did tell him as well that when he is ready to reach out he can so I guess he just isnít ready

    From what I've witnessed in life, whenever a person ends things because of supposed barriers/issues of any kind, when they do feel ready for romance again, 99 percent of the time it's with someone else.

    When he said he'd always answer texts and would never push you away, he was avoiding the extreme drama that a message of a permanent break up with zero chance of reconciliation would likely illicit; crying and begging from a woman who was totally into him. He assumed a gradual fading away would be easier on himself.

    It's good you've come here for help, because people who have been there and done that can give you the benefit of their numerous life experiences, which you're only just beginning to survive, yourself. Listen, take the advice which is unanimous, and feel positive you've learned a life lesson that will have you being more knowledgeable going forward into the future.
    I agree.

    He should have been honest with you, Hughkay. I think that he is actually being a cowardly by not telling you that it is over. Maybe, he is keeping you on the back burner for attention or sex. The best thing to do, is to consider the relationship over. I think that he is done.

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