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Thread: Im afraid to lose him

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    So I was being disrespectful to him when I messaged him the second time because I asked how he was doing? Or do you mean if I keep reaching out I’m being disrespectful?
    I'm using "disrespectful" in a slightly different way. Think of it as not respecting reality rather than him.

    The second time reaching out was driven by nerves, by fear, by your feelings. You didn't like what FB was telling you, without quite knowing what it was telling you, and neither did you like that he told you, again, that he wasn't down to hang right now, that he still wanted silence.

    Understandable, all that frustration, since it didn't line up with the story you want to be the real story. So you poked again to see if he'd give you the story you want. You may have asked "How are you doing?" but the intention behind it was "I'm not doing great—please make me feel better." After all, he'd already told you how he was doing.

    So, yeah, there was a whiff of "disrespect"—of reality—in that second reach out. And, yes, any further reaching out is more disrespect. Reality, above all, is what demands our respect, even when we don't like reality.

    It sucks. We meet people, connect, and pretty quickly start pinning all sorts of hopes on them. But if they don't share those hopes, and don't want yours pinned to them, there is nothing we can do but heal, and move forward. That is self-respect—respecting the reality of our own lives instead of believing another person owes us something to improve that reality.

  2. #22
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    The guy is dealing with a lot at this point. He is in no place to contribute anything. I strongly suggest that you leave him alone to deal with his stuff. You do not even know if he will wants to continue with you, and so I suggest you move on with your life. If he reaches out, great. If he doesn't, great. But, you will not be wasting your precious life waiting on some guy to get his stuff together. Move on!

  3. #23
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    And, you cannot be friends if there are feelings.

    How old are you?

  4. #24

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    Oh man I hope he doesnÂ’t hate me or anything for doing that I was just doing that out of genuine concern I wonÂ’t reach out to him again.

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  6. #25

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    I’m 20 and he is 21

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    Oh man I hope he doesnÂ’t hate me or anything for doing that I was just doing that out of genuine concern I wonÂ’t reach out to him again.
    Seems to me it was genuine concern for yourself not him -you were genuinely concerned about why he restricted his facebook posts and wanted reassurance.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    Oh man I hope he doesnÂ’t hate me or anything for doing that I was just doing that out of genuine concern I wonÂ’t reach out to him again.
    Smart girl!

    Don't wait around. Get busy with your life.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter what you want to call it. He told you he wants space. It's that simple. Leave him alone.
    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    So I was being disrespectful to him when I messaged him the second time because I asked how he was doing? Or do you mean if I keep reaching out I’m being disrespectful?

  10. #29

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    This makes me feel like I’m a bad person.

  11. #30

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    I did tell him as well that when he is ready to reach out he can so I guess he just isn’t ready.

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