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Thread: Can a person really change?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    This is a bit impulsive. Think longer range.
    what do you mean longer range?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sixersfan234
    i like that.. " acts naturally on my wave length"... when i say rude and disrespectful what i mean is...sometimes cursing at me... sometimes raising her voice and other times resenting me without communicating whats hurting her.
    So you are indeed fundamentally incompatible and that's not going to change. Some people curse, some people yell, some people give the silent treatment, some people want to sit and talk things to death for hours - there is not right and wrong way. Only what is personally right for you. If being cursed at or yelled at is not your thing, your job is to walk away for good and mean it. Find a woman who simply doesn't act like that because that's not her nature, not her personality and not how she communicates. Find a woman who speaks YOUR language when it comes to conflict and communication because THAT is one of the most critical things in any healthy relationship. Relationships are never about bending or training someone into your ways of being, it's about finding someone who is already made that way.

    Your ex needs to move on and find a guy who won't bat an eye at her language and can respond on her level. Again, all about compatibility.

    Please stop taking her back only to dump her again. Be honest that this isn't working for you and never has. It's a toxic swamp and it's beyond past time to step away from that. Yes, she may cry and beg and promise change, BUT......the kindest thing you can do for the both of you is to put a final end to this. You both need completely different partners in order to find happiness.

    It doesn't make either one of you a bad person or even in need of therapy, to be honest. The problem here is that two people who have no business being together keep trying to force things to work. Stop stop stop. Let go, heal, move on for both of your sakes.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    So you are indeed fundamentally incompatible and that's not going to change. Some people curse, some people yell, some people give the silent treatment, some people want to sit and talk things to death for hours - there is not right and wrong way. Only what is personally right for you. If being cursed at or yelled at is not your thing, your job is to walk away for good and mean it. Find a woman who simply doesn't act like that because that's not her nature, not her personality and not how she communicates. Find a woman who speaks YOUR language when it comes to conflict and communication because THAT is one of the most critical things in any healthy relationship. Relationships are never about bending or training someone into your ways of being, it's about finding someone who is already made that way.

    Your ex needs to move on and find a guy who won't bat an eye at her language and can respond on her level. Again, all about compatibility.

    Please stop taking her back only to dump her again. Be honest that this isn't working for you and never has. It's a toxic swamp and it's beyond past time to step away from that. Yes, she may cry and beg and promise change, BUT......the kindest thing you can do for the both of you is to put a final end to this. You both need completely different partners in order to find happiness.

    It doesn't make either one of you a bad person or even in need of therapy, to be honest. The problem here is that two people who have no business being together keep trying to force things to work. Stop stop stop. Let go, heal, move on for both of your sakes.
    WOW. I NEEDED THAT. I made up my mind.. :-)

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sixersfan234
    what do you mean longer range?
    Pardon - I meant long term. Think longer term. What this means is don't act on impulse. If things have ended, end it permanently. If things are sacred and good between the both of you, don't impulsively break up in the heat of the moment. The back and forth is disrespectful to both of you and adds no stability to the relationship.

    You should decide for yourself whether it's worth ending or continuing. There's a lot of context missing here in the short space of boxes. Either of you could be reacting unfairly towards each other or in the heat of the moment. Be more fair to each other and don't place unrealistic expectations on each other either. You should be aware of what you are and what the other person is (your characters etc). Use that information more consciously.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Whenever there's zero emotional intelligence (EQ) and zero empathy, no a person is hopeless. They will not change for themselves nor for you nor anybody for that matter. A leopard cannot change its spots. They are who they are.

    Many people never grow up and they're chronically immature.

    People can change if they're intelligent. If they're unintelligent, no, they'll never change.

    The real question is: How many chances are you willing to give her or anyone? I say, "One and done, two if you're lucky."

  7. #16
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    Wait...you've been with this girlfriend for 3 years?

    Then who was this?
    [Register to see the link]

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    A person only changes on their own accord, based upon their terms and timeline. You can't mold them to your will. You can't convince nor persuade them. Never be naive.

    Either the maturity level exists or it is NOT there.

    Expecting people to meet your expectations regarding respectable behavior is like beating a dead horse. Hopeless.

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