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Thread: People Who Disappear From Your Life

  1. #21
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    My dad always says, "you are very fortunate in life to have one best friend." SO true.

    I have made so many best friends that will last for a decade or two, and there's not some crazy falling out; people move, or I move, or people's priorities change. I've had two I've been traveling with the family to see theirs, and haven't seen one in 22 years, and the other in 15 years (give or take), and there was a falling out, but they made amends, and it really was like no time passed meeting up with them. The love was and is still there.

    I don't have a best friend close by, and it sucks. You really do miss the just letting it all hang out and breaking bread together whenever or wherever. I have some really great mom friends now, but that took really getting out there with events, and play dates, etc.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    I just unfriended you from FB 👎 and unfollowed you on insta 📷 and twitter 🐤 and blocked you on snap 👻 and home depot🔨. 😋
    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    well - you know the story!

  3. #23
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    I just unfriended you from FB 👎 and unfollowed you on insta 📷 and twitter 🐤 and blocked you on snap 👻 and home depot🔨. 😋
    I completely understand... except for Home Depot. That was uncalled for

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    Funny you mention that... I have met a few people on eNA, and we did get together... for awhile, then... well - you know the story!
    It'd be fun to meet some ena people in real life!

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    I find that most, if not all, of my friends and acquaintances have disappeared from my life. Some because I moved away, some because we simply lost contact. I understand this happens, but it really bothers me that people whom I was so close to for so many years decided to simply fade away.

    I know... people get busy with their lives, people grow, people move on... I've heard it all. But what really bothers me are two things:

    1) I have always been the one to reach out, invite, and keep in touch. When I stop, I hear nothing but crickets

    2) Even though I try as I might to move on with my own life, I find that I am thinking about this every single day. "I wonder if I'll hear from so and so today. Maybe a text, a call, an e-mail...." But, nothing, just crickets

    Any insight on this?
    I can relate because I am very good at reliably being in touch and after I moved away 10 years ago from the city I grew up in and lived for 43 years I was able to keep in touch for longer because we still lived there every summer for the first 6 years. But -in the last 3 years I've had two close friends do this to me. They do not know each other at all but ironically they have a lot in common (just mentioning that). In one case I can speculate as to what might have happened -I know I did nothing wrong and I can see where she might have had issues with the last time we saw each other (no personal issues/disagreements at all -an unfortunate situation that was not my fault but I apologized). The other -no clue at all. And I do wonder about them.

    Then I have a fade in and out "friend" - we reconnected after many years, and became close again (childhood friends). Quite close. Then I actually put distance because the relationship became toxic too much of the time. I didn't go MIA at all just kept boundaries. But we were still in fairly regular touch -every couple of weeks by text at that point. She then went 5 months without contacting me then did "I haven't been in touch because work got busy and I didn't have time to text people." I call BS. Yes, I responded, yes we chit chatted over a couple of days but I'm letting it fade again and not getting overinvested.

    I don't buy the whole "well I got married/you got married/I had a child/you moved to the burbs" -close friendships should have little to do with marital or parenting status. I don't want "mom friends" as a way to find close friends - unless we have a lot in common other than being moms. I cannot stand when people drop friends "because I got married" or "I had a baby". I am a fan of being up front and saying "I can't really go out at night anymore/I am too exhausted at night to talk much now that I have this promotion" etc - then you make alternative plans. You show the effort or you say "I might not be in touch as much while I'm planning the wedding but please know I am thinking of you and can't wait to be back in touch".

    I think the absolute best thing to do -refocus on the people who are there for you, who are true friends, who are reliable. It's so much easier to go down the negative path and focus on who is not in touch then counting blessings. It helps me some.

    I'm sorry you've experienced this. I wrote this without reading the other responses.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by maew
    I don't know if it's because of my age, or my life circumstances or what... I am sort of pragmatic about friendships that come and go, because I have noticed that as my life changes I attract different people into it.

    For example...

    - When I was a mom with a baby, I hung out with other moms that had babies or little kids.
    - When my daughter was older, and I was a single mom, I gravitated towards single moms with kids that were a similar age.
    - When I got married, we hung out with other married couples for the most part.
    - When I joined CrossFit I made some friends that shared a mutual goal of health and fitness.
    - When I separated from my ex, I found a crew of single ladies that I could go out and have fun with and commiserate about being single and dating with.
    - When I got a BF, I noticed that most of those single ladies drifted away and I spent more time with ladies that were in good relationships.

    For many people, including myself, when we are busy with life, who we connect with is almost a matter of convenience in some ways. The people I connect with now are people I see on a regular basis because we do regular activities together. I still have a couple of very long time friends in my life but even those have shifted over time.

    It's not personal that you don't hear from them, it's just how life is and how relationships shift based on priority. Keep making new friends and doing activities you enjoy so you can meet people that are like minded and that you can connect with regularly.
    For me it's been almost exactly the opposite. While I might make new friends based on a new interest/new stage in life I am very focused on staying in touch with close friends from the past no matter what their status because who they are is far more important to me than what they are doing right then in their lives. CErtainly for non-close friends/acquaintances it's more interest-dependent. I don't have time for tons of friends but my closest friends -I don't care where they move, whether they have a child, what their new interests are -I love to hear about what is going on with them. Of course if a friend doesn't have a child and I do I don't at all focus on mom or parenting stuff with her. That could bore her, etc. I really need to keep up the diversity/variety in my life. So with a work friend I have lunch with lately we talk about travel and books and book clubs. I love hearing about my friends who are artists and what they're doing with their art. Friends who changed careers or are trying to, etc. It keeps me vital.

    This is really an individual thing but when it comes to a matter of convenience that to me has to do more with acquaintances or not my closest friends. Especially at 53 I know how hard it is to find people who are truly close so I wouldn't let circumstances or parenting/marital/work status affect that. I don't mean to come across as judging your approach at all -my intensity in writing about this is my personal intensity -something I've given a lot of thought to for myself, not for anyone else.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by kim42
    It'd be fun to meet some ena people in real life!
    I have -it's great!

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I have -it's great!
    I just think nobody lives in my part of the world.
    Sorry Camber for spamming your thread 😊

  10. #29
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kim42
    I just think nobody lives in my part of the world.
    Sorry Camber for spamming your thread 😊
    Not at all a problem... all comments are welcomed!

  11. #30
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    I think we go through cycles in life where one fits and then it doesn't any longer. Maew accounted for some.
    It's something I've been giving some thought to recently.

    I have quite a few friends, but not that one confident type friend. My friendships, we do things along side each other, play golf, go out to eat, movies, etc. But I miss that one close friend that I can confide too and vice versa.

    That and having lost my mom almost a year ago, I do feel that void and long for that type of connection. At the same time the loss of my mother caused me to reevaluate a couple friendships. I didn't see that coming as a side effect but I caught myself letting go of time wasters without looking back.

    I've recently outgrown my best friend, for reasons too long write here. We stay in touch but for the most part are estranged, emotionally.

    My boyfriend is a great listener but it's not quite the same.

    So, I get it. Don't have a great answer for you. You can't force friendships. You can just put yourself out there and see if something sticks.

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