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Thread: People Who Disappear From Your Life

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think the best friendships though know when to cut some slack and are easygoing. I know if I call or text any of my friends I'd get a response and we'd make a date/time to meet. I would do the same for them. It's just not very frequent. If there's something wrong, I'd reorganize everything to be there if needed. Pretty low key and I'm ok with that. Also ok with people fading out or not responding. Leaves room for other things.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I don't know if it's because of my age, or my life circumstances or what... I am sort of pragmatic about friendships that come and go, because I have noticed that as my life changes I attract different people into it.

    For example...

    - When I was a mom with a baby, I hung out with other moms that had babies or little kids.
    - When my daughter was older, and I was a single mom, I gravitated towards single moms with kids that were a similar age.
    - When I got married, we hung out with other married couples for the most part.
    - When I joined CrossFit I made some friends that shared a mutual goal of health and fitness.
    - When I separated from my ex, I found a crew of single ladies that I could go out and have fun with and commiserate about being single and dating with.
    - When I got a BF, I noticed that most of those single ladies drifted away and I spent more time with ladies that were in good relationships.

    For many people, including myself, when we are busy with life, who we connect with is almost a matter of convenience in some ways. The people I connect with now are people I see on a regular basis because we do regular activities together. I still have a couple of very long time friends in my life but even those have shifted over time.

    It's not personal that you don't hear from them, it's just how life is and how relationships shift based on priority. Keep making new friends and doing activities you enjoy so you can meet people that are like minded and that you can connect with regularly.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    It’s a thread I resonate with.

    It bothers me when I reach out to people and get no reply...or in this wonderous age of communication they recognise my thought out msg with a throwaway ‘FB thumb’. God I hate that thing :-@

    I used to be in a fairly well known band and live in a 3 storey mansion on the river. Parties often and jam sessions in the basement. My wife was gorgeous and there were around 250 people at our wedding on the beach. The high life indeed...and then it all imploded.

    The band ran its course, the crowds moved on, I lost the mansion and my now xwife pulled the rug from under me, took her kids that I’d raised as my own, hit Tinder and went on her merry way.

    My thread here is pretty old now so I’m not sure if it reflected just how bad it got for me. Can’t remember if I talked about the numerous suicide attempts in there but yes there were a few as I spiralled into the depths...

    Anyway, a big part of all that was I basically lost about 90-95% of my friends, family and community. It took me a long time to come to grips with it and I still struggle a bit. Friends I’d known for 20/30 years were suddenly ‘unreachable’....

    So my story may be a little different and I’m sure people fade away for their own various reasons...

    Melanie Tonia Evans has a good take on it which helped me a bit. She calls those people ‘Angels In Disguise’ because what they do by turning away is to force you to go on that inner journey...to be with yourself*

    It’s a difficult yet quite rewarding journey that not everyone gets to go on*

    I’ve found that if I reach out to somebody 3 or 4 times and don’t get any response well I just think ok then, and leave them in the past. I’m learning to take it less personally.

    I mean, it does take a whole 30 seconds at least to type a reply! Even a ‘Thanks’ :-/ (sarc).

    I must say, in an age where we have so many more ways of communication and faster too, people seem to have gotten worse at communicating, not better.

    Now I don’t want to sound too over dramatic. I still do have a handful of great people who have stuck by me including some great people here on ENA. And in return I will always be there for them.

    I also continue to meet new people as I go along.

    The rest, well, I hope they’re all doing well wherever and whatever they’re doing.

    As we get older we don’t lose friends. We just find out who the real ones are*

    Thanks for posting Camber. It was nice to write that out and know that once again, we are never alone*

    Carus*
    Last edited by Carus; 10-08-2019 at 01:11 PM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd rather someone didn't respond than respond and not mean it.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd rather someone didn't respond than respond and not mean it.
    Yeh for sure...

    But if you bother to take the time to remember someone’s birthday say and send them a message, surely you’d like to at least get a ‘Thanks’...at least...no?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    Well, as Smackie says "I find the older you get the more you just want curl up on the couch and watch movies...have a couple of beers, fall asleep lol"


    My wife has many friends, so I usually do things with them and get on well with their husbands...

    I guess I think too much about why my old friends don't keep in touch...
    I’m not sure what age group we’re talking about, some of my older friends are very active and love being outdoors. My parents rarely stay at home watching tv, but I agree with Wiseman, people spend too much time watching Netflix, regardless of age.

    I don’t know if it helps, but I stopped reaching out to friends who rarely texted first or were always busy.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You have too many friends on here so you have reached your quota.
    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    I guess I think too much about why my old friends don't keep in touch...

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Yeh for sure...

    But if you bother to take the time to remember someone’s birthday say and send them a message, surely you’d like to at least get a ‘Thanks’...at least...no?
    If I'm spending that much time thinking about it, I'd probably be retired and on a lawn chair looking at my garden grow most of the day.

  10. #19
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kim42
    I’m not sure what age group we’re talking about, some of my older friends are very active and love being outdoors. My parents rarely stay at home watching tv, but I agree with Wiseman, people spend too much time watching Netflix, regardless of age.

    I don’t know if it helps, but I stopped reaching out to friends who rarely texted first or were always busy.
    Oh, to clarify... My Wife, Son , and I LOVE to be outdoors. We hike on our trails, sail, backpack, ski.... the sofa thing is just at night! LoL.

  11. #20
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You have too many friends on here so you have reached your quota.
    Funny you mention that... I have met a few people on eNA, and we did get together... for awhile, then... well - you know the story!

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