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Thread: How to act towards a co worker who rejected me twice?

  1. #1
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    How to act towards a co worker who rejected me twice?

    So there’s this girl from my job who I’ve always found attractive. I began to hear talk from other co workers that she thinks I’m really cute and attractive. So I got her number and we started going on dates. The dates were great and she would blow off anything to make time for me. On our 4th date we had sex at my place. After that I made the mistake of waiting a little too long to set another date. (A week) and, as my coworkers say, “that probably gave her the impression that You only wanted to have sex with her ” which I understand, and I can see that. But now when I try to ask her out, she either dodges the subject or doesn’t respond when I say we should do something. I waited another week after these pass rejections. And I asked her out AGAIN (I know, big mistake). But she pulled the “I told my friends I’d hang with them today” so now, I know she’s losing hella interest and I know that was her kindly rejecting me. I told her okay and to let me know when her schedule clears up, and I left it at that. But what do I do from this point on? I see her frequently at work, how do I act around her, how should I interact with her? Should I still say our little inside jokes when around her? Do I be friendly? Ignore her? Etc. thank you for the help.
    Last edited by Mrgreenjeans; 10-15-2019 at 09:41 PM.

  2. #2
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    Act professional.

  3. #3
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mrgreenjeans
    So there’s this girl from my job who I’ve always found attractive. I began to hear talk from other co workers that she thinks I’m really cute and attractive. So I got her number and we started going on dates. The dates were great and she would blow off anything to make time for me. On our 4th date we had sex at my place. After that I made the mistake of waiting a little too long to set another date. (A week) and, as my coworkers say, “that probably gave her the impression that You only wanted to have sex with her ” which I understand, and I can see that. But now when I try to ask her out, she either dodges the subject or doesn’t respond when I say we should do something. I waited another week after these pass rejections. And I asked her out AGAIN (I know, big mistake). But she pulled the “I told my friends I’d hang with them today” so now, I know she’s losing hella interest and I know that was her kindly rejecting me. I told her okay and to let me know when her schedule clears up, and I left it at that. But what do I do from this point on? I see her frequently at work, how do I act around her, how should I interact with her? Should I still say our little inside jokes when around her? Do I be friendly? Ignore her? Etc. thank you for the help.
    In your short post you mentioned taking advice from co-workers twice. Do you often partake in office gossip? Would you have asked her out if you did not hear gossip that she liked you?

    Anyway I don't buy that she was offended because you did not arrange a date for a week, unless you literally had sex with her and then did not speak/text her for a week, in which case, why?

    Alternative explanations:
    1) She was physically attracted to you, but dating is a process of getting to know each other, and in four dates she decided that she did not like your personality and/or you are incompatible.
    2) She did not enjoy the sex for whatever reason and it is a deal-breaker for her.
    3) She met somebody else she likes better.
    4) She simply changed her mind about you, she is allowed to.

    In any case, her repeated rejections are not a game, she is not interested anymore, so give it up. (And if it is a game, it is not one you want to play).

    And as @boltrun said, act professionally, you are professional colleagues.

  4. #4
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    It wasn't a week, it was two weeks. You wern't taking her out on proper dates and were only asking her out every two weeks to chill. I remember your other thread.

    She got tired of your lack of communication and non dates. I don't blame her. You blew it.

    Say hello and be normal. Do not ask her out. She wants someone who treats her better than a FWB.

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  6. #5
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    Why didn't you ever ask this girl out on a proper date?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Be polite, skip the inside jokes, move on.

  8. #7
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    She is no longer interested. It's possible that she thinks you only want sex again, due to the lack of communication following the sex. Act normal, speak and be covetous, and continue as you did before.

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    Well it looks like from your point of view that you were only interested in sex.
    You listened to others saying she is interested and only got together with her based on that?
    Once you got sex, you basically ignored her.
    Luckily for her , she is sensible to not pursue you. You have given her no reason to, which suggests she has a lot of self respect.
    Good on her, Shame on you for not respecting her.

    Going forward, realise your mistake in thinking that just because someone expresses interest , that does not equate to them being ok with being mistreated.

    As to how you should interact from here on in. Professionally of course.
    Inside jokes will be perceived as harassment.

    She is clearly not interested given your behaviour towards her , so you need to accept that.

    She sounds like a great catch but clearly you are not looking for that at the moment. And that’s ok!!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why do your coworkers discuss every aspect of your sexual conquests with another coworker? Maybe she found out you are blabbering all about your hookups with her to all her coworkers? Not sure what kind of place you work in but your coworkers seem excessively involved in your dating and worse, sex life with another coworker.

    She probably views you as a the office wolf by now and if you persist with any "inside jokes", be prepared for a sexual harassment complaint. Leave her alone and get your resume updated.
    Originally Posted by Mrgreenjeans
    as my coworkers say, “that probably gave her the impression that You only wanted to have sex with her ”

    now when I try to ask her out, she either dodges the subject or doesn’t respond when I say we should do something. I see her frequently at work.Should I still say our little inside jokes when around her?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    She may have been looking for a one-time thing. Best thing to do is act professionally and move on.

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