Great date and then nothing

I just started dating again and met this great guy last week who I have a ton in common with. I felt like we had a great connection and aligned on so many things. At the end of the date we made out and then he asked me what next week (this week) was like for me and said he’d let me know a day that worked for him.

It’s been like 5 days since the date...guessing he is not interested? I’m just really confused because if he wasnt interested then why would he initiate asking what I was doing next week? He also texted me after saying it was great learning about me and he’d let me know about this week....I also sent him a text Friday asking him how his week was and got no response....

I want to send him a text saying something like “hey, I’m assuming you’re not interested in going out again, but can you let me know that?”. What is a way to say this without coming across as pathetic? 🙈 feeling pathetic for pining over a boy I’ve known for such a short time

No, please do not send that text. It sounds self-pitying and insecure.

For all you know, something came up. OR, he's one of those who changes his mind and decides just disappearing is better than dealing with someone who might get upset or angry.

Either way, I'd assume this one is done at least for the time being. Keep dating, don't let this make you give up hope.

Awe OP I’m sorry, sounds like he ghosted you! I wouldn’t send any text and just move forward. Some people unfortunately on dating sites aren’t looking for much more then something casual.

It sounds like he got what he needed from the date when you made out with him.

I once went on a date with a guy like that a year ago before I met my current boyfriend of nine months.

You just got to keep moving forward and tell yourself you’ll find better.

Dont send that text, it makes you sound desperate. Maybe something happened, maybe he's super busy, maybe he changed his mind. Chalk this up to experience and move on.

No I wouldn't send that text! You sent him one already, just leave it at that. He will either respond or not. Perhaps something unexpected came come up this weekend and he'll get in touch with you Monday. Maybe he lost or broke his phone?? You don't know. Let him be the one to text next ....and if it goes too long then you should just assume it's over and move on. Good luck- I hope you hear from him soon!

Actions speak louder than words. Leave him alone and don't bother. His ghosting you is his message to you which is: NOT INTERESTED. END. IT'S OVER.

I'll echo what the others have already said: don't send that text.

If you don't hear from him within a couple more days, I'd assume he's changed his mind. No need to confirm that with a text. It sucks but I wouldn't stress it.

It's one date. You are both talking to and meeting other people. Do not send preemptive desperate and insecure sounding stuff like this. It's creepy. Also cut to the case and skip meaningless chitchat texts. Ask him out for a day this weekend. Be confident. If he never responds just move on.

This is not a relationship and if unfortunately, it turns out to be a one-and-done, sending this bizarre "breakup text" will assure he never contacts you again.

It’s been like 5 days since the date...guessing he is not interested?

I want to send him a text saying something like “hey, I’m assuming you’re not interested in going out again, but can you let me know that?”.

I had a number of one and done where the guy asked me what I was doing the next week, whether I wanted to see a certain movie etc and never followed up. Without a time and place it's just words basically. If he'd said "let's get together next Saturday, I'll call you so we can discuss what we want to do" then maybe I'd follow up.

I followed up once. He asked me if I wanted to see a specific movie the following week -I said yes. I heard nothing. I called him. Really awkward conversation -he said "oh right" -he "remembered" about his offer to see the movie. So we made a plan to see the movie. The first meet -tons of chemistry -he even asked me what kind of engagement ring I generally liked, etc (this was a set up) and he was really enthusiastic. Movie date -barely there, also a bad cold which didn't help, etc but I still showed interest, never heard from him again. I think he agreed to see the movie because he felt obligated and was on the fence. Ick.

Please don't text. You showed interest by making out, said you'd like to see him again, ball is in his court. Many people change their minds after a first meet for many reasons that often have nothing to do with the person.

I don't think he's ghosting either -he met you once, he mentioned getting together again, silence =lack of interest. Would you prefer to hear from him as to how you are so "amazing" but he realized he's "not ready" for a relationship right now? Do you want to text him so he knows yet again how crazy you are about him? Because that is how it will come across. And a little desperate too.

Ya that sux. So many start "Where's my second date?" threads. The best thing to do is to not invest so much in a first/second date date, and keep your options open. If you don't hear from them, you probably won't. We all know an interested guy will not let you slip away and plan a date right away.

Silence is rejection and you know that. I'm sorry you liked him but it doesn't appear to be mutual.

Don't text him anymore. It wouldn't be just pathetic, but a blatant desperate attempt to get his attention. Not a good look for you and no good result will ever come out of that.

Dating unfortunately is like that. Lots of misses before you finally find that mutual hit. This wasn't it. Forget him and keep on dating. Don't get hung up on anyone after just a date or a few.

I read your post OP and felt you all the way over here... have had many such dates where the guy showed interest and then didn't follow through... I even pursued one of them because I really liked him and thought if I was over the top about my interest he would change his mind... the only thing that happened was that I got tired of feeling anxious and fearful because he wasn't showing the interest I wanted him to show in me... cancelling at the last minute, keeping me separated from his family and friends, taking forever to respond to texts / phone calls even after I talked to him about it.

The moral of that story is that even though you might feel a connection or chemistry, if someone ghosts you or shows lukewarm interest in the beginning... it's in your best interest to move on if you want a relationship with someone that actually wants to be with you.

Hey thank you all for your responses, I needed to hear this. I didn’t send a text and accepted that he isn’t interested. I did get a text from him today saying he’s “sorry that he won’t be able to meet this week and that he appreciated the other day”. So general feeling is from this is that he feels guilty for not responding but didn’t make plans so he is still not interested.

I’d like to just send a response back saying “Hey that’s fine, I understand. Good luck with things” and then leave it at that. That seems fine right?

There is a good chance I will run into him again and don’t want him to feel like there are hard feelings about it.

I would write “thanks for letting me know and hope you’re doing well. I also enjoyed meeting you “

If he wanted to see you again he would have made it clear he wanted to reschedule even if he couldn’t pick a time and place on the spot.

I think "good luck with things" is kind of a permanent separation type of wording. If your idea is to keep that door open and see what could possibly transpire, I would go with Batya's suggestion.

We have already determined that the interest isn't there, but there is a possibility that his life has had some hardships come up, making dating a second priority. Maybe he'll be more available in the near future. Unfortunately, with holidays around the corner, "too busy" might just be a common theme, keeping you entrapped and waiting.

The key here is not to get too sucked into this. That first date went really great, so of course you want to see this takes off, but you can't let it consume you. I've dated these types of guys and they're just unavailable, and you spend a lot of time fretting over whether or not you should go on a date with someone else or make plans with your friends, or just stay home and become one with the sofa and power watch your favorite show, even if he calls, you're thinking, "nope, I have plans with a tub of ice cream and 'Survivor'". Don't prioritize him all the time...I mean, make an effort if he shows interest, but don't make him the only thing you prioritize. You'll make yourself crazy and feel really bad and hurt when he never seems to be able to make compromises for you or prioritize you.

Assuming he connects again and sets up a date, you can pursue this, but keep it at arm's length. This one date might be all you get out of him again before he goes radio silent for another 2-3 weeks, rinse and repeat. If that's the MO, let him go unless you're okay with a casual meet n' greet once in awhile.

Just be realistic about him...he's presenting serious non-interest right now.

I wouldn't reply. There's no point.

Don't waste time and energy. That leads to dating burn out. Make sure you are ready to date and not dragging some sort of rejection/breakup energy into every first meet like these text ideas.

No preemptive strikes. Rather than that, you should be forgetting this guy and already messaging and setting up other first meets. No need to respond at all.

“Hey that’s fine, I understand. Good luck with things” and then leave it at that. That seems fine right?

There is a good chance I will run into him again and don’t want him to feel like there are hard feelings about it.

I don't see it as a lack of interest so much as a case of confidence that, given this meeting went so well and given how many other women there are online, he might be able to find something/someone even better if he just looks a little longer. With the sheer numbers of people online looking, it's only natural to develop the "candy shop mentality" wondering what else could be out there and if the next best thing could be just around the corner. He doesn't want to stop looking too soon and miss out. Unfortunately this is very common and why online dating is highly unsuccessful. The better your meeting goes, the higher the likelihood that absolutely nothing will come of it because the temptation to keep looking for that ever-elusive perfection is so high.

I always recommend people put their phones down and participate in their life if they want to attract someone in any sort of lasting way.

I don't see it as a lack of interest so much as a case of confidence that, given this meeting went so well and given how many other women there are online, he might be able to find something/someone even better if he just looks a little longer. With the sheer numbers of people online looking, it's only natural to develop the "candy shop mentality" wondering what else could be out there and if the next best thing could be just around the corner. He doesn't want to stop looking too soon and miss out. Unfortunately this is very common and why online dating is highly unsuccessful. The better your meeting goes, the higher the likelihood that absolutely nothing will come of it. I always recommend people put their phones down and participate in their life if they want to attract someone in any sort of lasting way.

So to me that simply is another way of saying "not that interested" -I get the candy shop mentality and it was true wayyyy before the Internet -where I dated pre-internet there were always parties, clubs, events, etc and always more people to meet. And.... when a person is interested in dating another person -even if that person also wants to continue dating others or looking to date others -that person asks the other person out on a date, or follows up on a suggestion of a date, or accepts a date with enthusiasm.

Online dating is basically always unsuccessful. That's why I didn't date online. I met the person in person ASAP after a safety/comfort level screening call and a few emails. Several of my friends met lovely guys and gals for marriage and like marriage partnerships through on line sites. My husband and I were on online sites but did not meet that way but a number of our friends did. Meeting in person is participating in life and is one alternative of many out there to meet people.

A person who has a candy store mentality rather than not wanting to focus on someone he/she just met too soon will have this mentality whether he/she is using a dating site or otherwise. Sometimes initially it feels that way but a person who is serious minded is going to focus on her goal. Likewise, a person who meets someone she or he clicks with is going to follow up no matter what -if he is interested enough -even if he then chooses to keep meeting other people because there's too much of a risk of putting all your eggs in one basket after only a handful of dates if the goal is the long term.

I had several situations like the OPs both through dating sites and otherwise - interest and chemistry the first time we met or the first meet or the first date, suggestions to see each other again and then no follow up. And for whatever reason either the guy wasn't that into me or was no longer available to date (for example I had a guy not call me again after a good 4th date - I didn't follow up either because I was ok with it -and he'd asked me to call him to tell him I got home ok which I did - a year or so later I found out he died of colon cancer- he was in his 40s -he'd seemed unwell when we met - but obviously I never suspected -of course he might not have been that into me but my suspicion was he wasn't feeling well and got checked out, etc. - very sad -nice person).

Still very early days. No communication is best. There's no reason to text him anything else. It's all about chemistry. Don't read too much into it. He wasn't feeling it or he's not all there. You seem very serious and intent on your dates. Focus on people who are more on your wavelength. Filter filter filter. That's all it is.