Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: We broke up, now sheís contacting me again. Is it wrong to still hope

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    64

    We broke up, now sheís contacting me again. Is it wrong to still hope

    Since my ex and I broke up Iíve been given advice not to contact her, to leave her alone especially if I want her back. Iíve been struggling with it but when I finally did, she contacted me some time later.

    Weíve been talking ever since but nothing has really changed. We have great conversations like we use too. But sheís still keeping her distance, saying sheís not interested in getting back in a relationship right now. Which I agree with, frankly if we did, Iím afraid our past arguments would destroy us again. Itís just to soon. I have told her this and she has told me how she still feels about me. she keeps her distance, she keeps saying sheís scared of feelings and remorse. I told her Iím not trying to pressure her. But do what she feels is right. She says the more we talk the more she wants to see me and be close to me, but sheís scared what will come of it. I said if we both still feel the same why keep that distance but I dropped it because I wasn't trying to make things worse. I asked about us talking, was it familiar or something else. She said it didnít matter, shes happy so, I dropped it

    She said sheís worried about what could happen if we see each other, sheís not ready. she feels it might change a week from now or a month she doesnít know.
    She keeps pulling away like itís the answer when all it has done is caused more problems. If she still feels that way for me, whatís the point of all this, we have both agreed about us not being a couple again right now.

    To be honest, Iím afraid to move on, Iíve never met anyone who loved me as much as she does. Which she has promised in the past, I never will. Not a threat, it was sweet. Iíve never loved anyone as much either. Thatís why Iím still here. Why I still pick up the phone when she calls. With all our problems, I still love her and Iím not sure what to do. I donít want to move on, but staying just keeps things in middle ground. She canít possibly want me back if Iím still here. Maybe thatís true maybe itís not. I feel like the more we talk, the more she mentions she misses me and tells me the things I wanna here. Which Iím happy about. What should I do
    Wait and hope?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,717
    Gender
    Female
    As far as I'm concerned, when a person doesn't care enough to work on problems TOGETHER, it means he/she lacks the sort of love you need for a forever relationship. Problems always have a resolution. Deciding on rules for arguments, i.e. no name calling. Deciding if you share the same relationship goals and boundaries (if you don't, it was better that you broke up and should stay broken up).

    Why so many arguments? Were you unreasonable or was she in her expectations? When people argue more than they get along, it's a sign they are not right for each other.

    Regardless of the reason, she dumped you which means she was okay if she never saw you again, and knowing you were free to date other women. A woman who loves you wouldn't do that.

    An ex contacting you is nothing special. Just about every ex I've ever had has done the same thing. I've never returned to the past. As the saying goes: When the past comes calling, don't answer. It has nothing new to say.

    Going no contact will grant you closure so that you can heal, move on, and eventually find a fun, cute woman who will be ecstatic that your ex was dumb enough to let you go (assuming you're a good catch).

  3. #3
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,383
    Gender
    Female
    Firstly it's difficult to understand your situation without the reason why you both split up, and what problems arose and how they were handled during the course of your relationship. We need that information before we can proceed with proper advice. I want to know if things are fixable, which would increase the chance of making it work a second time.

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    765
    Gender
    Male
    It is clear that her contacting you is causing you distress so why allow it if she's not open to reconciliation? She's getting what she wants when she wants it while you are left with nothing but feeling down from her contact.

    As Smackie said above, why exactly did you break up?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    64
    Iím not sure what you mean by flexible, but we broke up because she thought she didnít have time for a relationship with so much going on in her life. That on top of bickering led to our breakup. We argued over stupid things, like being cut off when the other was talking or trust issues. Truthfully Iíve never cheated and I never would. But she kept getting mad at me for not telling her every detail. Like I was being shady. When I wasnít, I just didnít wanna bring up stuff that was handled probably and was no reason for her to get angry. Which she would, and sometimes I just forgot. Her answer to everything was space and to me all it did was create a rift between us and caused a lot of uncertainty between us.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    64
    We broke up because of minor issues that were blown up. One day she asked me a question and I told her the truth, it has been a roller coaster since. I told her she can sometimes be mean if I didnít respond the way she wanted and so I would ask her safe questions when I knew she was upset. I told her it wasnít a big deal but she thought it was. That led to a lot of other minor arguments over time she kept asking for space then she would pull me back. Whenever things would get better between us she would pull away it felt like. Eventually she said she was worried she didnít have time for a relationship. She told me when we broke up about a couple weeks later. A number of reasons. She doesnít have time, we have been arguing, she wants to be able to have fun and I guess a boyfriend hinders that. Ultimately she said our relationship is bad timing she wishes it started later.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    64
    Why so many, we had a difference of opinion, I believed a little argument was normal and ordinary something a couple should push past. She believed pushing past an argument would only cause more problems. To me, not pushing past an argument only makes the argument bigger and puts you on a road of constant arguing about the same thing without a conclusion ever coming. I see her point but it was just more and more, it was never I understand now letís drop it. It just kept coming back with more problems. Whenever it was my issue I did say that though, I understand letís move past but she never would.
    She would get mad about having to repeat herself or if I forgot something like her change in major.
    I had reasons to be angry with her but I tried not to bring them up and leave it alone besides, she gets defensive sometimes as of late.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    136
    Originally Posted by unattached
    Since my ex and I broke up Iíve been given advice not to contact her, to leave her alone especially if I want her back. Iíve been struggling with it but when I finally did, she contacted me some time later.

    Weíve been talking ever since but nothing has really changed. We have great conversations like we use too. But sheís still keeping her distance, saying sheís not interested in getting back in a relationship right now. Which I agree with, frankly if we did, Iím afraid our past arguments would destroy us again. Itís just to soon. I have told her this and she has told me how she still feels about me. she keeps her distance, she keeps saying sheís scared of feelings and remorse. I told her Iím not trying to pressure her. But do what she feels is right. She says the more we talk the more she wants to see me and be close to me, but sheís scared what will come of it. I said if we both still feel the same why keep that distance but I dropped it because I wasn't trying to make things worse. I asked about us talking, was it familiar or something else. She said it didnít matter, shes happy so, I dropped it

    She said sheís worried about what could happen if we see each other, sheís not ready. she feels it might change a week from now or a month she doesnít know.
    She keeps pulling away like itís the answer when all it has done is caused more problems. If she still feels that way for me, whatís the point of all this, we have both agreed about us not being a couple again right now.

    To be honest, Iím afraid to move on, Iíve never met anyone who loved me as much as she does. Which she has promised in the past, I never will. Not a threat, it was sweet. Iíve never loved anyone as much either. Thatís why Iím still here. Why I still pick up the phone when she calls. With all our problems, I still love her and Iím not sure what to do. I donít want to move on, but staying just keeps things in middle ground. She canít possibly want me back if Iím still here. Maybe thatís true maybe itís not. I feel like the more we talk, the more she mentions she misses me and tells me the things I wanna here. Which Iím happy about. What should I do
    Wait and hope?
    What you're doing now is just going to cause you to be tormented. You're drawing it out by just hoping for whatever you can from her. She knows that if she wanted to, you would be back with her. She doesn't want to. She's saying what she needs to keep you strung along. Just in case she needs someone.

    Think about it this way. Say you get back together tomorrow. You'll go through the "Ah, this is so great!" phase for a few days, or weeks. But then when she inevitably creates some distance, you're going to feel it. And it's going to make you feel horrible. Then you're going to want to know what's going on, and you're going to put pressure on her by asking. Which will drive her away more. She's playing games with you, and you're letting her. It's not worth it. You're thinking of the good things. She's attractive to you, you remember fun things you used to do, and you desperately want that back. But it's fleeting.

    Do what is the hardest for you to do and your happiness with be waiting for you. Stay away from her. Go NC, block her number. Block her on social media. Focus on doing what makes you happy. Not the idea of her making you happy and solving your misery.

  10. #9
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    765
    Gender
    Male
    Those reasons she gave you are just illogical. Sounds like she didn't want to be in the relationship any longer and was actually trying to find a way out.

    She was essentially putting you in positions where no matter what you did you couldnt win.

    When you kept trying and making accommodations to her requests she could not take the easy way out and then it left her to request "space" or breaks.

    I wouldnt be too surprised if she was at least emotionally cheating and that it developed so she decided to try another path. Maybe that path didn't work out or maybe she's not enjoying going down that path anymore hence she's coming to you for validation.

    Resgrdless, my advice would be block, delete and move on as there's nothing for you with her.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •