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Thread: Please help me with my breakup. Not over it. Been 6 months

  1. #1
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    Please help me with my breakup. Not over it. Been 6 months

    Me (22) and my bf (25) dated for 8 months. It was long distance. we were in different states. We visited each other 3 times in this span. He was my first actual bf. We had great chemistry. But i feel like he is good with women, so its easy for him to talk to females. 6 months into the relationship, i noticed the types of instagram accounts he followed. It was almost naked girls both local and famous girls. These girls donít follow him back, but he was making females his friends on social media. We had several talks and he would unfollow them, but it was just a lot of them (100s). He unfollowed several because I asked him to, but there were so many of them and i got tired of asking him at one point. This made me insecure and made me feel like he had wandering eyes. Also, it was disrespectful. I wouldn't do it , so I kind of expect my partner to not do it too, Also, he would talk about his exes and what they did together as a part of the conversation, meanwhile i would never bring my exes up out of respect. I cursed his exes out to him and he got offended.

    I was confident before the relationship, but after finding his instagram behaviors out and him talking about his exes, it made me so insecure. Also, he would spend every weekend at the club and bar till 4- 5 am. These things caused arguments in the relationship. He never took responsibility for his actions. He would do it to shut me off, and always thinks there is something wrong with me and i am the one with issues. Everytime i bring up something for discussion, he thinks im arguing and fighting with him and tries to break up with me multiple times. Then, I cry and ask him to stay and he would stay in the relationship towards the last month of our relationship. It was some form of gaslighting he was doing and it made me even more angry. Also, I learned that he was buying his followers, comments, and likes on instagram.

    He did treat me nice by taking me out, calling me, and buying me food and things. But, I was never happy with his other behaviors . I loved him regardless. But, I wasnít happy because I am a pretty, smart, confident woman and his behavior made me feel like he wanted something else or never appreciated me since he following so many females, and naked girls.

    I felt like he had wandering eyes especially with his social media behavior and whatever he was doing started to disgust me. One day, I snapped on him because he was always trying to break up with me every time we have an argument. So I called him out and said I got tired of his behavior and he likes attention and that's it. I said he might be buying his likes and stuff due to him seeking attention It was a heated one because I was upset. So he blocked me on everything and said he needed some space. I apologized the same night we had the fight and told him to let it go and said we will work on our problems and fix it, I gave him the space for 2 weeks. We kept a low contact during those times.

    After 2 weeks, he told me over instagram he was done with me. Then , I started to do the typical dumpee behavior of crying, and asking him to get back with me so we will fix the problems. I did this for weeks. The third day of breaking up with me, he started liking a girls pictures on instagram. The whole time I was blocked. I have been calling him from different numbers and all he would say is he lost interest. He doesn't like me anymore. I flew down to his place to talk it out with him. I was in his state for 3 days and he never hung out with me . I went to his house and he cursed at me and kicked me out without having a proper conversation. And less than a month of him talking to the new girl, he took the girl out to Bahamas for a trip. I called him and asked him so many times to let go of the arguments and in a relationship, there are ups and downs. But, he called me ugly, he told me to go find someone else, I am not the one for him and things like that. He claimed the new girl his new girlfriend in a month of them started talking. I been crying since april to now I don't know if i will ever get over him. I feel like i messed up the relationship. He said i was nitpicking on him. But, i asked for a second chance, and he didn't want to give it to me.

    Also, he filed a restraining order against me since I called him at work to talk it out. He blocked me on everywhere. So calling him at work was my only way. Also, he starting follwoing naked girls and random girls on instagram after dumping me. I feel like it's in his blood.

    I feel like he liked me enough to be in a relationship, but never loved me enough to make the relationship work, but when things went downhill he was looking for a way out and be with someone who is easy. Its been almost 6 months after the breakup. I am not over him. I was depressed for 3 months without eating enough, sleeping, and losing weight. I was sort of punishing myself because I had the guilt inside me because of the last argument that I started. I felt like i was the reason why the relationship was over. But, at the same time, I feel like I was upset due to his behaviors and that's why I had that last argument. I have friends who have boyfriends and they broke up and fix the issues and get back together. But mine just went with the girl who was accessible to him, instead of working it out with me. Well, i guess it shows the difference between infatuation and real love.

    I was willing to die for him .I had so much love for him and treated him nice, did so many nice things for his birthday ( 2 months before the breakup). But, obviously we had over ups and downs and that's when he dipped. Next year, I was going to move out to his state for med school too. But this happened. Do you guys think I should still move down there for med school and is there any chance of us getting back together if im down there?

    He had 4 gfs before me and he broke up with every one of them, He got drinking issues too. Sometimes, i feel like he was insecure too due to him braging about his sex game, and his body (he used steriods for his body).

    I am always thinking about him and looking for validations like ď if he loved me truly, he would have been with meĒ.

    I donít know what to think. I feel like I lost a good man. I really loved him. He was nice during the relationship, but when we started to have problems, he left me and never really tried to understand where I was coming from and left me and found another girl. He made it seem like he got more loyalty for the new girl than me. I feel betrayed. He treated me like s*** after the breakup. I feel like his social media behavior, lack of communication, and distance messed this relationship up. I was willing to fix it, but he just gave up so easily. I really wish i never met him, because I didn't love him to lose him. I asked him 2-3 months straight to get back with me and fix the issues, the whole time he was pursuing the new girl and sleeping with her.
    What hurts is he wasn't willing to talk it out or fix it after i asked him so many times for months. The new girl is an ugly version of me and he is already taking her on trips.

    Will he be back? I feel guilty for messing the relationship up.
    Please help me.
    Last edited by ttlove23; 10-06-2019 at 02:08 PM.

  2. #2
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    No, he will not be back. With respect, he was over this a long time ago, OP.

    You tried to make it work with a guy who was clearly not compatible with you. He's still in his party-boy phase of clubbing, drinking and chasing women. This isn't a dude who was looking to settle down to a quieter lifestyle, and especially not the type suited for a long-distance relationship with someone looking for more commitment. Making this about you not being good enough for him is erroneous and overlooks the fact that you two were very different people. Romances come and go. He isn't obliged to work anything out with you, and it's not because you're somehow not good enough. Sometimes people realize they are really not the right match and want to move on.

    Are you in any sort of counselling to deal with your self-esteem issues? Going so far as to have a restraining order filed against you strongly indicates that some professional help is in order. The same goes for saying you'd die for him. OP, this isn't healthy and you've compromised your own dignity so much that it's crippling you.

    Whatever you do, do not move to his area for school. You're already in enough hot water legally with the restraining order. You simply must stay away from him and not try to contact him or see him again.

  3. #3
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    OP you 2 are not compatible at all. He won't be back, sorry.

    Be happy that you cant make contact and keep your distance. Him taking out a restraining order against you means he wants you to keep your distance Not chase or follow him.

    Chalk it off as a bad experience and move on. You are still so so young.

  4. #4
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    Please don't do anything now that could be on your record for the rest of your life. You could get dismissed from medical school if you get arrested for violating the restraining order.

    Go to school somewhere else. There will be many, many men at medical school. Focus on your studies and on meeting people who have similar interests.
    Last edited by boltnrun; 10-06-2019 at 02:55 PM.

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  6. #5
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    When we were together everything was perfect. It is just the arguments from the last 2 months which caused him to break up with me. I just didn't like his behavior.

    My confident and self esteem were high before the relationship and for the first 6 months. But, he made me feel insecure the last 2 months and after the break up.

    No im not on therapy yet. I am going to book one this week.

    Did he ever loved me? Like i had so much love for him and was willing to go above and beyond.

  7. #6
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    I'm sure he did love you but that can end at any point. Long term it's also irrelevant. People fall in and out of love every day. That doesn't mean you keep on at them to take it back. Unfortuntely this is all part of growing up. Rest assured you will bounce back from this sooner rather than later.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by ttlove23
    When we were together everything was perfect. It is just the arguments from the last 2 months which caused him to break up with me. I just didn't like his behavior.
    And that is exactly why this relationship was not perfect. He wasn't right for you.

  9. #8
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    i don't think it was love if it was that easy for him to move on, if it was that easy for him to be with another girl in days, if it was that easy for him to reject me multiple time when i went above and beyond for him and the relationship. Its more like infatuation or loved the attention i gave him. i feel betrayed. He put the law against me. probably hates me. Thats not love.

  10. #9
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    Let's assume it wasn't love, then.

    Even more reason for you to let him go and move on.

  11. #10
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    I know what hurts is he was okay with losing me. People go through tough times and ups and downs in relationship and still wouldn't give up on each other. I went above and beyond for this relationship, apologized to him for my wrongs and his wrongs, but he still dropped me. it was easy for him to give up on me. I have multiple friends in relationships that go through tough times and they might take space or break from each other or block each other, but at the end of the day, they solve the issues themselves and get back together stronger. I don't even have a proper closure which makes it extra difficult to move on. Sorry for the rant. I have so much on my mind. it just hurts that he wasn't even willing to meet me half way when we went through a rough patch.

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