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Thread: Please help me with my breakup. Not over it. Been 6 months

  1. #11
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    What do you consider "proper closure"?

  2. #12
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    I really wish i could move on. i wish i was never involved with him. I feel like i messed up the relationship and have guilt inside me. It hurts to think that he is giving the new girl everything he is supposed to be giving me (time, attention, ). It was so easy for him to replace me.

  3. #13
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    why he left me? Why he didn't try to at least see if we could have talked it out? He blocked me everywhere and kicked me out from his house when i flew down there to talk it out. I loved him way too much for him to be breaking up with me without even think if that was fixable or not.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by ttlove23
    why he left me? Why he didn't try to at least see if we could have talked it out? He blocked me everywhere and kicked me out from his house when i flew down there to talk it out. I loved him way too much for breaking up with me without even think if that was fixable or not.
    That's pretty concrete closure. Closure is you accepting the relationship is over.

    You can refuse to accept it and insist on holding on until he gives you this mythical "closure", but how would that benefit you?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by ttlove23
    I know what hurts is he was okay with losing me.
    This is what most dumpees feel when their ex breaks it off. It's a normal, painful part of ending a relationship.

    Proper closure isn't something you can get from a dumper, either. It comes when you accept that the relationship has ended, and respect your ex's choice to move on, even if you don't agree with that choice. You cannot make someone want to stay or love you back. What you've been showing him since the break-up is that his feelings aren't important to you. You've steamrolled over his desire to end it, because it's not what you want. That's not exactly fair either now, is it?

    As for these multiple couples you know who take space or block each other, well, that's not particularly mature or healthy. You are kidding yourself if you think these couples all come back stronger if you honestly believe that sort of behavior doesn't hurt a relationship. They sound young and dramatic, but in time, you will see that not everything is peachy when couples treat other like that.

    Regardless, it wouldn't have been right for your ex to stay when he wasn't invested in you anymore. You are internalizing this in a way that is not conducive to you moving on. This is where a good therapist can help you.

  7. #16
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    I acknowledge that fact that the relationship is over, but don't know why it ended, why he didn't fight for me or the relationship. I know we had our rough patch, but i was willing to keep us together. But, he chose not to.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by ttlove23
    why he left me? Why he didn't try to at least see if we could have talked it out? He blocked me everywhere and kicked me out from his house when i flew down there to talk it out. I loved him way too much for him to be breaking up with me without even think if that was fixable or not.
    He kicked you out because you were not invited and your presence not welcomed. You crossed a boundary and it upset him.

    Why didn't he want to talk it out when he ended it? He'd lost interest by that point. He probably saw that you wanted a completely different level of commitment than he was willing to give, and saw the incompatibilities I mentioned earlier. He didn't want to talk things out because he was already over it.

  9. #18
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    Everything you are saying is true.

    Those couple who are doing those things are not healthy. But, they don't want to give up on each other or don't want to replace their significant other with another person. They fix the issues in the relationship without having to find a new person. Every relationship got ups and downs, and we had ours and i didn't give up on him. Neither my friends who gave up on their significant others. I did so much for him and after the arguments, I apologized the same night and did everything under the sky to get us back together. He probably don't have any feelings for me. Well, I guess it wasn't real love then. he wouldn't do this to me if he truly cared or loved me i think.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by ttlove23
    Everything you are saying is true.

    Those couple who are doing those things are not healthy. But, they don't want to give up on each other or don't want to replace their significant other with another person. They fix the issues in the relationship without having to find a new person. Every relationship got ups and downs, and we had ours and i didn't give up on him. Neither my friends who gave up on their significant others. I did so much for him and after the arguments, I apologized the same night and did everything under the sky to get us back together. He probably don't have any feelings for me. Well, I guess it wasn't real love then. he wouldn't do this to me if he truly cared or loved me i think.
    And there's your closure.

    Fighting to try to convince the wrong person to be with you will never succeed. And why do you want someone who has clearly demonstrated he doesn't feel the same?

  11. #20
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    well, i guess it was real love or true love to him? i never seen this side of him after the breakup. It was cold, rude, and scary. I don't know how someone can do a whole 180 on me due to some rough patches in the relationship. I love hard and differently. Regardless of his behaviors, I loved him and was willing to correct my wrongs. He did mention he lost interest. But, how would someone who says they love me lost interest over some rough patch in the relationship. I guess its not real then. Or he wants something easy.

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