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Thread: Ex of over a decade has publicly called me abusive

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Plus, be realistic, you were just pining over an ex you had commitment fears with a month ago right? You’re in no position to be dating right now.

    We’re your commitment fears connected to your ex wife?

    There’s a lot going on here beneath the surface, maybe breathe and take a look.
    Yes, I'm still pining over my most recent ex. My commitment issues were almost entirely about my ex-wife. This whole "abusive" thing has taken me right back to that place ten years ago, afraid to openly discuss anything or show any emotion at all out of fear that she'd start telling her friends and family I was abusing her. This was something she liked to doing. obviously i wasn't a saint and occasionally became impatient, lost my temper, or was unkind, but the way she would present herself as helpless little girl when just the night before she was throwing things at me was frightening to behold, and she'd be so vague in the way she described it that a concerned party would think the worst. Once her mother ended up called the police because we had a verbal argument. it was absurd the way she'd spin things, and she was so convincing, like she truly believed the things she would say. Anyway it all ended pretty disastrously and the last I heard from her was an "i miss you" text about 8 months after the divorce was final. I'd been glad feeling like I could put all that behind me, and it hurts to know i need to absolutely quarantine it and possibly go on the initiative to combat it. I feel like i can't share that experience with someone because they might believe her.

    Anyway, so yes, my commitment issues stems largely from my experience iwth my ex-wife. I'd hoped to have put that behind me. I'm still pretty stupidly in love with my most recent ex-girlfriend and have felt very emotionally unsettled, and these accusations/implications have sent me reeling the last few days.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You have no case. She doesn't name you and "domestic abuse" can be her opinion of what happened and she can freely state that. Particularly since the police were called and her family intervened on her behalf.

    Have you gotten evicted or lost jobs as a result? What specific damages were incurred as result of these posts? Does anyone even read or care what's on her social media? You have dated a whole bunch since then so why even worry about this?
    Originally Posted by biscuit2020
    I was told my ex-wife has posted to her social media that I was a domestic abuser. She does not name me

    i wasn't a saint and occasionally became impatient, lost my temper, or was unkind. Once her mother ended up called the police

  3. #23
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    I'm just anxious and obsessing a bit. She does have a few hundred people on her social media accounts and seeing the things she's said and how much support she'd getting is uncomfortable. I feel like I've been maligned and pilloried for the sake of building a brand. I wish I never knew about this.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by biscuit2020
    I'm just anxious and obsessing a bit. She does have a few hundred people on her social media accounts and seeing the things she's said and how much support she'd getting is uncomfortable. I feel like I've been maligned and pilloried for the sake of building a brand. I wish I never knew about this.
    Then tell this so called friend to stop running to you with stories about your ex.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok get off all her social media . Furthermore delete and block her and all her people from all your devices and all social media and all messaging apps. This is her take on things and there is nothing you can do about it, particularity when the police are called and it was in fact abusive to some extent. You have no case. You just have to face the facts, get on with your life and perhaps get some therapy for your anger and supposed commitment issues.
    Originally Posted by biscuit2020
    seeing the things she's said and how much support she'd getting is uncomfortable.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Ok get off all her social media . Furthermore delete and block her and all her people from all your devices and all social media and all messaging apps. This is her take on things and there is nothing you can do about it, particularity when the police are called and it was in fact abusive to some extent. You have no case. You just have to face the facts, get on with your life and perhaps get some therapy for your anger and supposed commitment issues.
    I know, but honestly it wasn't abusive, at least I don't think so. We were both shocked that the police showed up. I don't know why I even feel the need to explain it here. I just feel extremely scrutinized all over again and it's odd how quickly I feel right back in the space I was in ten years ago. I know I need to do all I can to put as much distance between us as possible and erase her from my life.

    I have sought therapy for depression and I feel like I'm much better off now, but in some ways the old difficulties just yielded to newer ones. I'm really trying to work through the commitment phobia and I appreciate all the advice I get.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The graves some people dig for themselves are so large that it takes awhile for them and their giant mouths to fall in.

    Just distance yourself and stay away from her. Don't look at her social media or have anything to do with her that might affect your peace of mind.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    All the more reason to scrutinize all your social media, messaging apps and devices and settings and make absolutely sure she and all her people are deleted and blocked and that you can sever yourself technologically at least as much as possible. As far as the rest, therapy could help you unpack and sort someone of this, if it's still haunting you this much.
    Originally Posted by biscuit2020
    I just feel extremely scrutinized all over again and it's odd how quickly I feel right back in the space I was in ten years ago.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Dramatic people build drama factories. Drama factories produce one thing only: hot, toxic air. Best way to deal with hot, toxic air? By learning not to breathe it in.
    I added that one to the hall of fame...

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