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Should I keep messaging her? Having mixed emotions


confused9090

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I moved to a small town for work and there aren't many people around to date. I had seen one girl around who I had found attractive but never felt that I was in a position to have a conversation with her. Anyway, fast forward a little bit and I ended up getting very informally introduced to her through a colleague (just a "this is ______" and a hello). I ended up being away for a couple of months and when I returned I had heard that she had moved away. Surprisingly I crossed paths with her on bumble and she messaged me and we had a conversation over text for a few days. She said she took a job 2 hours away but that she was thinking of moving back. Neither of us acknowledged that brief introduction at work so I'm unsure if she actually put that together or if she remembers it. Regardless, I sometimes travel to where she's working on my weekends and felt like I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity and after a few days of texting I asked if she wanted to meet for a drink when I was going to be there. She said that she had a commitment and expanded on it, and that was that. I said no problem and continued conversing for another day or two. I started feeling like I was leading the conversation which is fine but I found her difficult to converse with over text (she would respond fairly frequently and with content, but didn't say much to keep the conversation going at the same time, mostly just responding to questions).

 

Anyway, ideally I would've liked to have kept the communication open in some way or communicated to her to let me know if she moves back or when she has more free time. However since she didn't offer any other times or say she also wanted to meet I sort of took it as she didn't want to. I guess I'm looking for thoughts on if I should continue conversing with her or not. I haven't responded to a statement she made a few days ago. We don't know each other at all so I can't see how she's just going to message me out of the blue again. I've also had bad experiences texting people for ages and then it dying off without meeting up, so I really don't know what to do.

 

I do get some attention from women but not usually the ones I'm interested in, so I've been somewhat hung up on this feeling like I'm not managing it properly. Any advice welcome!

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As a woman, if I'm really interested in a guy and had legitimate plans, I would've definitely told him to please let me know when his next trip to town would be and maybe it could happen then. I would also maybe suggest each of us drive an hour to meet halfway.

 

No, she doesn't sound interested. Start researching what activities exist in town and start attending those activities. Maybe some harvest festivals are upcoming. Are there classes in dancing or cooking or art? Perhaps you can get that work experience under your belt so you can then move to an area with a bigger dating pool.

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I second the other members above. I'd cool off for the time being and don't pursue anything. She may be distracted with new job stresses especially if she's still in her probationary period. That she confessed she's thinking of moving back home tells me that things aren't going so well in the new job perhaps and she's working things out. The last thing on her mind is striking up a hot and passionate relationship or friendship with a guy living two hours away or in a different city. She may be interested if it was a different time/different place but not now. Cool off and keep things friendly with her (no expectations).

 

If you like you can leave the door open and tell her you both should catch up if she's ever back in your town. That relieves any pressure off of her for the time being and relieves you of the task of feeling like you're dragging a dead horse through the Sahara. In the meantime, meet other women locally and date others. If someone else comes along, so be it. Enjoy company with others.

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No offense to anyone who replies confusingly to your feeble attempts a to make a connection, but there are lots of women who do not reply directly and overtly with a "no."

 

So I would suggest you consider whatever she has said/done or not said/done as meaning "no."

 

Find an accessible person to date.

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