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About my bf's niece


OptimisticP

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My bf and I have been dating for a year now. Perhaps this issue doesn't pertain to me as a 3rd party (maybe it's none of my business either) but would you be alarmed if a child behaved like his niece? Her mother just recently set up an appointment with a child psychologist for next week.

 

We live around 20-30 away from the girl's mother. The girl doesn't smile too much except when doing bad things. I don't know too much about her other than what my bf has informed me so far. She's 8 years old and her parents have been divorced for nearly 5 years. She has gotten into a couple fights with her classmates at school last year and one just recently. These are a couple other things that happened recently starting somewhere in July or August.

- She hurled small rocks at cats and kicked one, laughing

- She threw a boy's hamster on the lake, watched it drown and laughed when the boy cried. That incident was dismissed because she claimed that she was just curious to see if it could swim.

- She has cut off all the heads of her dolls and destroyed a couple toys. She doesn't play with them anymore.

- She used a kitchen cleaver to cut several frogs' (some of them were big frogs) heads, rinses them with water, collects them on jars and took pictures.

- She told my bf that it's fun chopping their heads and hurting things. My bf said she had a smile when telling him that.

 

The issue has also been addressed to the girl's father. She visits him on the weekends. The guy thinks his daughter is just being a normal kid that's acting out, being rebellious, immature and it's just a stage she'll overcome soon. As an observant, I doubt this is common between children in general. I'm not sure what to think of this.

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Glad a psychologicist is getting involved. That's a lot of animal cruelty and I think her fascination with beheading frogs is beyond disturbing.

 

Keep your distance from her. I would not interact with this child or let her anywhere near any animals/vulnerable people.

 

What does your boyfriend say about this? Hope he's on the same page. To classify this as simply "acting out" is ludicrous. If he actually believes that, I'd question his intellect. But a lot of people make excuses because "FAAAMIIILY" so you never know

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Alright, so you're asking for a reason. Care to cut to the chase? Obviously all of that is incredibly concerning behavior. If your boyfriend cares enough to divulge the information to you, it's likewise obvious that concern isn't lost on him. She's got an appointment with a child psychologist next week, so why the question now? Are you looking to justify badgering your boyfriend to involve the state regardless?

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I'm glad we're all on the same page here that it's definitely very disturbing behavior for a child at that age. J.man in my short 25 years, I've never stumbled into a child like that. The information shocked me. Neither my friends nor I did that as kids. My bf initially thought a long lecture would make the girl understand that animals can feel too. He started getting more worried when it didn't work.

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No, that is not common behavior for children. She definitely needs that psychologist. Also, I would be concerned if I were you, too, especially if you plan on marrying your boyfriend in the future. That girl could become a part of your family, too and she won't always be 8.

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You're right, it's none of your business. Her mother set up an appointment with a child psychologist.

 

I hope this child will improve herself and become a decent human being. She sounds like a future murderer of humans. :upset: It's how Dahmer got his start; by killing and mutilating animals and getting his sick jollies out of it.

 

It sounds like this child was physically and / or mentally abused to turn out like this.

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No, this is most certainly not normal behaviour for a child. She needs professional help, and it appears her parents are arranging that.

 

I am curious why you are asking about this, though. Does this affect your relationship in some way you haven't outlined here, or?

 

Yes, same question and I agree. Are you concerned this type of behavior runs in the family and could affect your boyfriend?

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She has two parents and they have already arranged a doctor's appt. What is the beef between you and your bf over this? Does your bf live in the same household?

 

Why would you argue about this or discuss intervention, when it's not your call and obviously abnormal? Are you upset at your bf or his family or just doing some arm chair psychology?

My bf initially thought a long lecture would make the girl understand that animals can feel too. He started getting more worried when it didn't work.
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My bf and I have been dating for a year now. Perhaps this issue doesn't pertain to me as a 3rd party (maybe it's none of my business either) but would you be alarmed if a child behaved like his niece? Her mother just recently set up an appointment with a child psychologist for next week.

 

We live around 20-30 away from the girl's mother. The girl doesn't smile too much except when doing bad things. I don't know too much about her other than what my bf has informed me so far. She's 8 years old and her parents have been divorced for nearly 5 years. She has gotten into a couple fights with her classmates at school last year and one just recently. These are a couple other things that happened recently starting somewhere in July or August.

- She hurled small rocks at cats and kicked one, laughing

- She threw a boy's hamster on the lake, watched it drown and laughed when the boy cried. That incident was dismissed because she claimed that she was just curious to see if it could swim.

- She has cut off all the heads of her dolls and destroyed a couple toys. She doesn't play with them anymore.

- She used a kitchen cleaver to cut several frogs' (some of them were big frogs) heads, rinses them with water, collects them on jars and took pictures.

- She told my bf that it's fun chopping their heads and hurting things. My bf said she had a smile when telling him that.

 

The issue has also been addressed to the girl's father. She visits him on the weekends. The guy thinks his daughter is just being a normal kid that's acting out, being rebellious, immature and it's just a stage she'll overcome soon. As an observant, I doubt this is common between children in general. I'm not sure what to think of this.

 

My guess is you're shocked and upset and probably wondering if it runs in the family? Ok, jokes aside - no, it's not normal. I would be concerned over the child also and unsure about how the father is dealing with it. Don't try to lecture the child though or approach her if she has assessments on her in the process and has already drawn the concern of her mother. There is not much you can do. You CAN help the family however by refusing to chitchat about the family matter etc if it comes up in social get togethers or if it comes up in any sort of conversation. Be discreet of the matter and respectful of the family.

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Sounds like she is a psychopath. Lacks empathy and enjoys the thrill of exerting power over weaker creatures.

 

Around 1% of people are born that way, though the severity does vary, and most psychopaths learn that other people find certain behaviours distasteful or unacceptable and blend into the general population without much difficulty.

 

The ones who become serial killers are those who never learn their boundaries or end up in positions of power where there is no inhibition on their worst excesses.

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Sounds like she is a psychopath. Lacks empathy and enjoys the thrill of exerting power over weaker creatures.

 

Often the case with children that experience horrific abuse at the hands of a parent/relative/family friend. It's good that she is getting help with this... and while I understand that it might be shocking, gossiping about her behavior with strangers is inappropriate and unhelpful.

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I certainly would be nervous having her around my children should I marry into the family so I can understand why you would want other opinions on this. It is very good that they are having her see a psychiatrist. Hopefully, she's young enough to be taught how to curtail her sociopathic/psychopathic behaviour BEFORE she starts hurting humans.

 

Please update us on what her psychiatrist had to say once/if you find out more.

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One out of 25 people are sociopaths. But to be honest, she sounds like a psychopath, which statically is rare for one to be a girl. Most likely a divorce at 3 caused a fracture in her life, and not all are born sociopaths, but become one from trauma.

 

There's not real way to treat sociopaths. But if they have an incentive, they can find a way to work with them with managed incentives and rules. Just be polite and stay out of their way.

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There's not real way to treat sociopaths. But if they have an incentive, they can find a way to work with them with managed incentives and rules. Just be polite and stay out of their way.

 

Yeah, they do great in the military actually because of the structure and built in incentives and clear boundaries.

 

Definitely remain polite but stay out of the way. Don't allow them into your personal life unless you want trouble or a big mess to clean up.

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I was worried because this girl might end up becoming part of my life too. My bf and I have plans of possibly getting married in the future.

As far as the update goes, I got a very bad news. Apparently one of the mother's ex bfs is facing serious charges at this moment. He has molested a couple other children, ages 7-10. The girl had a medical exam done and I believe the results aren't good. My bf seemed more concerned than ever. He won't share more about what the doctors said except that the mother got called and was told to come immediately.

 

The girl was referred to a psychiatrist. Sadly, it looks like she got raped or molested. :icon_sad:

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I was worried because this girl might end up becoming part of my life too. My bf and I have plans of possibly getting married in the future.

As far as the update goes, I got a very bad news. Apparently one of the mother's ex bfs is facing serious charges at this moment. He has molested a couple other children, ages 7-10. The girl had a medical exam done and I believe the results aren't good. My bf seemed more concerned than ever. He won't share more about what the doctors said except that the mother got called and was told to come immediately.

 

The girl was referred to a psychiatrist. Sadly, it looks like she got raped or molested. :icon_sad:

 

Yikes, that's grim and sad.

 

In that case her behaviour is probably just a reaction to the abuse she has suffered. In any case, she will need a lot of support, therapy and compassion going forwards. I hope her mother and extended family provides her with the safe and nurturing environment that she will need to recover.

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If you feel his family is too dysfunctional for you it may be best to stop the 'possibly maybe' future talks and reconsider what type of drama you may be signing up for...unless you thrive on this type of Criminal Minds TV show drama. Your bf does not have access to confidential medical records.

 

Leave his family in peace, stop rubbernecking and stop prying. They appear to have enough problems without your assumptions, speculations, gossiping and armchair detective games..If you are posting this stuff on public forums one can only imagine the miles you are getting out of this gossip in real life. :upset:

My bf and I have plans of possibly getting married in the future. He won't share more about what the doctors Sadly, it looks like....
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