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Thread: Finding it hard to get through my days.

  1. #1
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    Finding it hard to get through my days.

    As people may have read from my other posts I was having a tough time in my marriage.

    That marriage has now separated and Iím on my own. My wife is currently still in the family home with our daughter and pets.
    The decision was made by me to leave as from my previous posts I felt I could no longer stay at home as it was getting me really down among other emotions.
    Unfortunately my wife seems to be totally fine with all this happening because she has it the way she wants it.

    The first coupe of days I was not to bad but still upset but as the days come Iím finding it really hard to get through my days. I havenít slept for days, I havenít eaten and Iím smoking very heavily.
    Iím still having to work to pay bills but even thatís a struggle because I work permanently nightshift. Iím sitting in work at the moment unable to function fully and my eyes are nipping because Iím so knackered.


    I wish I could just accept it and move on but the day I left my wife said it was a trial separation but her actions over the past days says otherwise.
    I spoke to her today about our daughter and I couldnít help but ask how she was as I still adore her. Her response was, Iím doing ok and the conversation ended with her saying maybe in a few months I will feel differently.

    That is just confusing the heck out of me when she says this. If she wants it to end why canít she just say that because it seems clear to me that is what she wants.
    I just want to move on and try and get settled but with her saying this to me Iím so confused with what I should be doing.

  2. #2
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    Have you considered a counselor? Do you have friends and family to share with? have you consulted an attorney?

  3. #3
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    I went to a councillor before this happened but if Iím being honest I donít think it helped.
    I do have family but my wife decided to stop speaking to them many years ago so the are very bitter about her and donít have anything positive to say if that makes sense.

    Iím actually upset/ticked off my in-laws havenít even called to see how I am as I always thought I was very close to them,,,,more than my own family but I guess they will take my wifeís side although my sister put on a brave face to go see if my wife was ok.

    I have been to a lawyer as Iím trying to sort out the family home because itís in joint names.
    I did try and apply for a council house but unfortunately my wife has put the brakes on that by not giving me the paperwork I need to further my application.

  4. #4
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    I just seem to be getting a constant flood of memoryís, or I think of something I might do tomorrow but then remember I canít because Iím not at home.
    I feel like itís destroying me and Iím trying my hardest to focus on my work but itís not working.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    If it's destroying you, please ask for help. From family or from a professional.

    How many times did you see the counselor before?

  7. #6
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    Stay strong and think of your daughter. She needs s dad

  8. #7
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I just spent some time reading your other threads and all the replies.

    My first instinct is that she is cheating on you. I know that isn't what you wanted to hear but there are a lot of signs.

    Is she secretive with her phone?

    Did she recently change the way she dresses?

    Is she more concerned with how she looks?

    Did she start a new job or talk about a new coworker?

    I was with my wife for 20 years and didn't see it coming either so don't think it cannot happen.

    A lot of what you described I have seen before.

    So if she is cheating then counseling will be useless. If she isn't then how productive could it be when she seems extremely cold and uncaring towards you.

    You are in limbo hoping she will change her mind and that is why you are struggling so badly. In the end it didn't matter why my marriage ended, the only thing I needed to do was accept that it was in fact over and I needed to wrap my mind around that fact.

    You have been doing all the heavy lifting while your wife has turned all her love off towards you. 9 times out of 10 it is because she has turned it towards someone else.

    Try to look at this objectively like you don't love her or she is your brothers wife. What would you think was going on? What would you tell your brother?

    As far as your 16 yr old daughter goes hang in there. Keep trying and then try some more. You have two things against you which are she is 16 and she probably views you as the bad guy in this since your wife has more than likely dropped hints.

    There comes a time when you need to accept that there is no repairing the marriage because she has checked out emotionally and is only interested in you for security.

    Take some time to really look back with fresh eyes and then come back and tell us what you see.

    Lost


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