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Someone please talk me down from the ledge.


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Fighting the urge to break NC. To recap, my gf broke up with me in June but wanted to remain friends. I said no but that only lasted a week, maybe. So we saw each other occasionally on a friendly basis for the next two months, but it was torture being with her as a ‘friend’. So then one day she told me she was going to begin dating, and that seemed like the time to tell her I can’t see her anymore. So I did.

 

That was four and a half weeks ago, which I realize is less than a blink. Even so, I miss her so much I can hardly stand it.

 

My thinking was that she broke up with me, so if anyone breaks NC it should be her. But she’s a real stickler for boundaries. Takes that very seriously. And I know her. She remembers that I said that it hurt me to see her and I can’t be her friend. She’s going to honor that boundary of mine forever, no matter what, unless and until I say otherwise. That’s just how she is.

 

So basically, she’s never (ever) going to contact me under these conditions I’ve set. And since I’m technically the one that initiated the most recent breaking of our friendship, maybe it’s actually up to me to be the one to reach out first.

 

That’s how I rationalize things anyway. I actually know that this line of thinking is only a lame excuse to try to ease my desire to be part of her life again. I know that contacting her won’t accomplish a thing except maybe to earn a spot in the friend zone again. Been there, done that. So… nope. But holy sh*t I miss her.

 

So as I said, someone please talk me down.

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