Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: Feeling so empty inside

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    21

    Feeling so empty inside

    Im back again with my problems. I just donít know where to go to talk about my feelings and struggles. I donít want to bother my friends with the same topic, and my appointment with my counsellor is not for another week.

    Itís been 19 months now since my bf broke up with me. He came back about 4 months ago for a second chance, but left after a month. I canít seem to move on since then, all my feelings are rushing back. Some days I feel great, happy, positive, but other days like today, I feel so hurt and sad, canít seem to stop crying.

    He was a horrible bf in the last year of our relationship, string me along telling me lies about wanting a future with me, while flirting with other girls and then eventually broke up with me for someone else. He admitted that he stop loving me a year before he broke up with me. I know his a horrible person and not someone I want a future with, but why canít I stop missing the old him. Why do deep down I still hoping he come back the third time as a change man. Why do I keep holding on? Even though I donít even know if I can trust or accept him if he ever come back again.

    Earlier in the relationship, he was an amazing bf. He was sweet, caring, he put up with my temper and always say how much he love me. Part of me feel like maybe it was me and my temper that drove him away, I blame myself for sabotaging my relationship, even he said that I was the one that sabotaged it. We always fight and when we fight I canít seem to cool down quick, I end up wanting to break up because I felt he make no effort anymore. I canít stop replaying the scenarios in my head and I feel like a horrible person, like I changed him to become this lier and cold hearted person. I feel responsible and that I deserve to be in pain now for hurting him back then, hIs hurting me was like my karma.

    I feel so drown in my emotions. Sorry for being so negative on here. I try to distract myself but all I can think of is him.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Rising100's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    312
    Gender
    Male
    Sounds like you both destroyed the relationship.
    At least you admit you did some things wrong.

    I believe people tend to think back on how the person was in the beginning, they hold on to that image or memories and thats what hurts. Maybe time alone will make things better.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,130
    Gender
    Male
    You are not missing him, you are missing the wonderful times when you had an amazing BF who was sweet and caring and put up with your temper and who said how much he loved you. Your X can be replaced with someone who is better for you.
    I think if you really really think about it, you will realize that your X was terrible, but you miss the illusion of a beautiful relationship with him. You look back at the early days but you do not want to go thru the rough times ahead just for those great times.
    So I think once you get rid of the Wants, Need and Fears, you will be able to see what you need to do. You have your perfect relationship still attached to your X even tho you know he is not the one for you. So remove him from the equation and know that there is a guy who is better for you. He is out there and he is waiting for someone like you.
    You are a thinker and it sounds like you are intuned to your feelings. Begin to separate him from your illusion

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,281
    I'm sorry you're going through this, Wonder0123.

    You have to let time heal your wounds. Someday today's wounds will become your old, blurry wounds.

    You can't undo the past. We're all naive when it comes to regrets and remorse. If we could do a rewind of the past, many of us would in order to change scenarios and outcomes.

    All you can do is learn from your past mistakes and navigate yourself more wisely in the future.

    Stay strong, surround yourself with sound, supportive people such as family and friends. During other times, focus on healthy alone time. Give yourself a chance to sort your thoughts and become smarter.

    There are other plans and a destiny for you. Hang in there. Your day in the sun will come again!

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,638
    Gender
    Female
    Did you only exhibit this temper with him, or do you do it with everyone in your life? If it was only him, it was probably his behavior that set you off, and a clear sign he's never been right for you. If it's with everyone, it's good you're attending counseling, and make sure you work on that aspect.

    What will be helpful is to really grasp the facts. The honeymoon period is never reality. What you saw past that period was ugly. If you'd been with the right person, the honeymoon period would've built into a beautiful, more serious stage. And past behavior predicts future behavior. He dumped you once, instead of communicating and working on problems together. People who care don't ever dump you unless their is a dealbreaker present. It was predictable that he broke up with you a 2nd time, and that makes it even more predictable that it will happen a 3rd time if you took him back.

    Getting back together set you back to square one. Keep up with time spent with girlfriends. Take up a new hobby if you don't have one you can be passionate about. Pamper yourself. Once you're done mourning the relationship, don't talk about him anymore, because that will keep him alive in your present day mind. Concentrate on making a happy life solo for the moment, because you shouldn't count on any man to give you happiness. You should think of it as being happy and wanting to share your joy with a companion. When you get to that point, you will be ready. Take care.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,603
    Gender
    Female
    What did you fight about? Some things are worth mentioning and others are not. If you felt it was warranted mentioning things that really didn't feel good to you and arguments ensued, then you should know what's best for you. Be a bit more realistic with yourself and stop selling yourself short or undermining your own thoughts/beliefs. If someone isn't right for you, he's not right. Don't hurt yourself over it even more.

    What he was in the beginning was a version of yourselves you hardly knew. It takes time to get to know someone. Trust in yourself and have more faith in yourself that there are new beginnings. Don't be afraid of moving on and changing with all the knowledge you do know now of yourself.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    21
    Originally Posted by Rising100
    Sounds like you both destroyed the relationship.
    At least you admit you did some things wrong.

    I believe people tend to think back on how the person was in the beginning, they hold on to that image or memories and thats what hurts. Maybe time alone will make things better.
    Reflecting back had helped me realised a lot of things. I do find it really hard to let go, I hope that time will make everything better again.

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    21
    Originally Posted by No1
    You are not missing him, you are missing the wonderful times when you had an amazing BF who was sweet and caring and put up with your temper and who said how much he loved you. Your X can be replaced with someone who is better for you.
    I think if you really really think about it, you will realize that your X was terrible, but you miss the illusion of a beautiful relationship with him. You look back at the early days but you do not want to go thru the rough times ahead just for those great times.
    So I think once you get rid of the Wants, Need and Fears, you will be able to see what you need to do. You have your perfect relationship still attached to your X even tho you know he is not the one for you. So remove him from the equation and know that there is a guy who is better for you. He is out there and he is waiting for someone like you.
    You are a thinker and it sounds like you are intuned to your feelings. Begin to separate him from your illusion
    I think youíre right No1, I do miss that wonderful times and I am not even sure if itís him I miss anymore. I know I shouldnít just focus on the good times and should see him for who he is now. I do hope I can overcome those illusion, let go of everything and start accepting that his not right for me. Thank you for your advice.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    21
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I'm sorry you're going through this, Wonder0123.

    You have to let time heal your wounds. Someday today's wounds will become your old, blurry wounds.

    You can't undo the past. We're all naive when it comes to regrets and remorse. If we could do a rewind of the past, many of us would in order to change scenarios and outcomes.

    All you can do is learn from your past mistakes and navigate yourself more wisely in the future.

    Stay strong, surround yourself with sound, supportive people such as family and friends. During other times, focus on healthy alone time. Give yourself a chance to sort your thoughts and become smarter.

    There are other plans and a destiny for you. Hang in there. Your day in the sun will come again!
    Thank you Cherylyn. I do hope in time I will completely heal and move on from here. Youíre completely right, all we can do is learn from the past, and I have definitely learnt a lot about myself. I will try and keep myself more occupies and hope that as time passes there will be less and less days where I feel like this.

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    21
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Did you only exhibit this temper with him, or do you do it with everyone in your life? If it was only him, it was probably his behavior that set you off, and a clear sign he's never been right for you. If it's with everyone, it's good you're attending counseling, and make sure you work on that aspect.

    What will be helpful is to really grasp the facts. The honeymoon period is never reality. What you saw past that period was ugly. If you'd been with the right person, the honeymoon period would've built into a beautiful, more serious stage. And past behavior predicts future behavior. He dumped you once, instead of communicating and working on problems together. People who care don't ever dump you unless their is a dealbreaker present. It was predictable that he broke up with you a 2nd time, and that makes it even more predictable that it will happen a 3rd time if you took him back.

    Getting back together set you back to square one. Keep up with time spent with girlfriends. Take up a new hobby if you don't have one you can be passionate about. Pamper yourself. Once you're done mourning the relationship, don't talk about him anymore, because that will keep him alive in your present day mind. Concentrate on making a happy life solo for the moment, because you shouldn't count on any man to give you happiness. You should think of it as being happy and wanting to share your joy with a companion. When you get to that point, you will be ready. Take care.
    I can get irritated quite easily but not unreasonable. I do notice that my temper started to increase after 1.5-2 years after dating my ex. Even my friends notice I have become a lot more irritable. I never wanted to feel angry or frustrated, but canít seem to control myself when dealing with my ex sometimes.

    I know deep down I will never take him back again, I can never trust his words or be confident that he will never leave me again. Like you said the past predict the future. I will try and not think about him anymore or bring him up in conversation. Youíre right, I donít need a man to make me happy, I will try and focus more on myself and hopefully he will slowly vanish from my mind. Thank you for your advice Andrina.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •