Feeling so empty inside

[Wonder01234]

What did you fight about? Some things are worth mentioning and others are not. If you felt it was warranted mentioning things that really didn't feel good to you and arguments ensued, then you should know what's best for you. Be a bit more realistic with yourself and stop selling yourself short or undermining your own thoughts/beliefs. If someone isn't right for you, he's not right. Don't hurt yourself over it even more.

What he was in the beginning was a version of yourselves you hardly knew. It takes time to get to know someone. Trust in yourself and have more faith in yourself that there are new beginnings. Don't be afraid of moving on and changing with all the knowledge you do know now of yourself.

The fight vary from big to small, but most of the times I get very upset when I feel he can’t prioritise me, our date/plan that he made with me. It happened a lot of the time, he hardly make effort to organise a date or to take me out, but when he does he would do stuff like organising a date on Sunday but go out with his friends Saturday (which is fine) but get really drunk and tell me the next day his too hangover to do anything. He would hang up on me for no reason while we’re in the middle of a conversation, then wouldn’t reply to my msg, or would say I will call back but never do, or always too tired to do anything after work but fine with visiting friends if they ask him. He doesn’t respect my parents and say he only respect them if they show him respect (they told him off once when they saw him swear at me during our fight).

Thank you Rose Mosse, I will try and face reality head on and start accepting that he wasn’t right for me. It’s really hard at the moment to let go of those good times we shared, but I will try and be more realistic and not just live in fantasy. There were a lot of good memories, but there were also a lot of painful ones. I need to start seeing both sides, instead of just focusing on one. I hope that in time I can move on and be with someone who is more suitable for me. I will try to stay busy.

[Rose Mosse]

Thank you Rose Mosse, I will try and face reality head on and start accepting that he wasn’t right for me. It’s really hard at the moment to let go of those good times we shared, but I will try and be more realistic and not just live in fantasy. There were a lot of good memories, but there were also a lot of painful ones. I need to start seeing both sides, instead of just focusing on one. I hope that in time I can move on and be with someone who is more suitable for me. I will try to stay busy.

Good plan. I don't think you need anyone to tell you how his behaviour is not ok. Keep on with the idea of moving on and accepting that he's just not right for you. Stay busy, fill your life up with good people and good things. Don't let people like that get you down. Move forwards.

[Cherylyn]

Thank you Cherylyn. I do hope in time I will completely heal and move on from here. You’re completely right, all we can do is learn from the past, and I have definitely learnt a lot about myself. I will try and keep myself more occupies and hope that as time passes there will be less and less days where I feel like this.

Thank you, Wonder01234. Chin up, lady. You will get through this. Stay strong.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. How much time do you spend ruminating? I'd limit that to fewer and fewer minutes once I start. I'd lean into some boo-hoos with a tissue box, then pep-talk myself beyond it with a goal of surprising everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous future for myself. Otherwise, it's just drilling myself into a deeper hole to climb out of, and grief it tough enough without doing that.

I'd recognize that it's not the guy I miss, but rather, the fantasy I created 'around' him based on the earlier days when I wasn't dealing with him--I fell in love with his representative.

From there, I'd take any lessons I've learned about my own choices and behaviors to my full advantage and throw my focus into self development, rebuilding my social life, investing time in my family and friends who I neglected during my relationship. I'd make that time about them-not-me. I'd treat them to meals or events, and I'd volunteer to help them with projects, errands, or just listen to them talk about their lives. This is my best strategy for 'normalizing' in the company of others while in service to them, and I couldn't have imagined how healing and gratitude-producing it is to move myself out of my own way.

It's a healing that needs to be experienced--not thought about.

Healing doesn't just happen 'to' us, it requires our participation.

Head high.

[Johnn5]

Please don't worry, Time Heals All Wounds!

[Wonder01234]

My heart goes out to you. How much time do you spend ruminating? I'd limit that to fewer and fewer minutes once I start. I'd lean into some boo-hoos with a tissue box, then pep-talk myself beyond it with a goal of surprising everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous future for myself. Otherwise, it's just drilling myself into a deeper hole to climb out of, and grief it tough enough without doing that.

I'd recognize that it's not the guy I miss, but rather, the fantasy I created 'around' him based on the earlier days when I wasn't dealing with him--I fell in love with his representative.

From there, I'd take any lessons I've learned about my own choices and behaviors to my full advantage and throw my focus into self development, rebuilding my social life, investing time in my family and friends who I neglected during my relationship. I'd make that time about them-not-me. I'd treat them to meals or events, and I'd volunteer to help them with projects, errands, or just listen to them talk about their lives. This is my best strategy for 'normalizing' in the company of others while in service to them, and I couldn't have imagined how healing and gratitude-producing it is to move myself out of my own way.

It's a healing that needs to be experienced--not thought about.

Healing doesn't just happen 'to' us, it requires our participation.

Head high.

Right now it’s not as bad, maybe once a week. Just thinking back about the past, questioning how we ended up like this, how he could just give up. The thoughts still hurt, but at least it no longer stop me from functioning. I find having a big cry does help a lot. I do notice my tears are getting less and less.

I hope I can be like you and bounce back soon. I think it’s the same with me, I don’t think I miss him, but the fantasy of what it was like being with him and the future I’ve imagined when we were together. I just need to stop living in fantasy and stop imagine what was never there or only there for a short period of time.

I’ve been spending a lot of my time catching with friends and doing things I like, it’s been helping a lot. Just hope I can fully let go soon. Thank you for your advice and sharing your experience with me.

[Wonder01234]

Please don't worry, Time Heals All Wounds!

Thank you, I just hope it won’t take too long. Still hurt sometimes but the pain is lessened now.