Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst 1234
Results 31 to 32 of 32

Thread: Reaching out

  1. #31
    Member Komerebi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    12
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Rising100
    So whats really going on here, why do you say you dont have a history of dating?
    Why havent you in the past?
    The million dollar question... without getting too much into it, I will say I’ve moved around a lot... about every year for 15 years across states and between countries. Some moves were circumstances, some were for school, some for career, some adventures with the economy crashing. I lived for many years abroad and even then moved around. I would say I was definitely pursuing a vision and my passions, I wasn’t prioritizing relationships and with each new location I knew it was more or less for a year. I traveled, learned languages, got my masters, collected hobbies. I was always focusing on what was next to come. About 5 years ago I was more or less planted and much more interested in relationships, but then life threw me a new one and I went from thriving to surviving. I was exhausted and all my energy went to getting myself into a position where I was thriving again. The move to NYC was really my first big break and the first time I have felt both feet are firmly on the ground and I am no longer living one foot out the door. Everything finally came together.

    So yeah, overall my life has been good and I’m ready to share it with someone special.
    Last edited by Komerebi; 10-05-2019 at 09:37 PM.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,444
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Komerebi
    The million dollar question... without getting too much into it, I will say I’ve moved around a lot... about every year for 15 years across states and between countries. Some moves were circumstances, some were for school, some for career, some adventures with the economy crashing. I lived for many years abroad and even then moved around. I would say I was definitely pursuing a vision and my passions, I wasn’t prioritizing relationships and with each new location I knew it was more or less for a year. I traveled, learned languages, got my masters, collected hobbies. I was always focusing on what was next to come. About 5 years ago I was more or less planted and much more interested in relationships, but then life threw me a new one and I went from thriving to surviving. I was exhausted and all my energy went to getting myself into a position where I was thriving again. The move to NYC was really my first big break and the first time I have felt both feet are firmly on the ground and I am no longer living one foot out the door. Everything finally came together.

    So yeah, overall my life has been good and I’m ready to share it with someone special.
    This is fabulous. I would avoid making my lack of relationship history a significant discussion point when meeting new people. There's nothing wrong with it, so I'd feel no need to qualify it. Then, over the natural course of answering how long it's been since my last breakup, I'd answer that I haven't found a relationship partner since I settled in this area 5 years ago.

    I'd leave the rest for organic discussion over time with anyone who proves significant enough for the details. This would avoid positioning potential dates to feel pressured by the spotlight of becoming a major milestone.

    There's a difference between owning our history versus creating a barrier with it. I'd skip the idea that I must highlight a lack of experience before learning whether or not I trust someone--and whether we'd even be interested in one another regardless. IMO, it's reasonable to learn about a potential date: marital status, whether ever married, how long since last breakup, STD status, whether he or she engages casual sex, whether he or she is employed.

    From there, more details can be learned over t.i.m.e. spent together. However, since I don't believe in discussing intimate details about past relationships anyway, I'd be unwilling to discuss degrees of intimacy or longevity with past partners regardless of whether this means a LTR or a first date. There just isn't anything to be gained from those details--while the loss of privacy can rear its head as a destructive factor in a potential relationship that might otherwise have thrived.

    Head high, do you, and find someone who's willing date you at face value--just as you'd be willing to date him.

Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst 1234

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •