What do I do? Is there no hope?

I decided to go no contact with my ex to ease myself, try to get my emotions under control, and to hopefully get him to miss me. However, my friend messed it up and told him that I was doing no contact to make him worry and to make him want to date me again. He’s very unhappy with me and hurt. He says he feels lied to. He’s hurt that I ignored him and made him worried sick just for that. Is there no way to do no contact again without him thinking I’m trying to make him miss me again? Is there no way to do no contact without hurting his feelings and making things worse? Did my friend ruin everything for good?

Nothing is ruined, nothing is worse than it was, since the hardest variable here remains the same: he is your ex. He is your ex because you broke up. You broke up because, together, you stopped working. Sad stuff, but the stuff you've got to face and come to terms with.

Breakups just suck, and in the wake of them everyone on the planet flails a bit, so cut yourself some slack. That said, I think this is a good lesson that "no contact" is not a manipulation tool or renconcialion tactic. Turn it into that, think of it like that, and nothing good happens, because you're essentially freezing yourself in the sharpest stage of mourning.

So think of it for what you genuinely need right now—some time to heal and get those emotions under control—and you're golden. No need to make any announcement along those lines, but instead just walk the walk, for real this time. You will be thanking yourself sooner than you know.

Sorry for the pain. Hang in there.

The focus now is you, not what he will think or feel. Don't do NC for revenge, do it to heal. Sometimes the space does help, but that has to be your goal more than worrying about his state of mind.

On the other hand, you don't have to do NC if you are not ready for it. Everyone is free to date whoever they want, and that includes you. That is the way it is. Just talk to him and inquire, be prepared for the answer and either work it out or move on.

I want to do NC with him again for healing at this point. I don’t want to get myself hurt again by waiting for him to date me again. I want him in my life though. We are friends and have this connection. However, I want him to understand that I’m not doing this to hurt him, worry him, or to make him date me again. How do I get him to understand that?

The whole point of NC is the reality check. It slams home the finality of it all, and gives you the critical peace needed to truly move on. You can't be concerned by what your ex thinks of the halting communication because if you are, you're not doing it for the right reasons. See, the fact that he's not on board with your NC is just proof that he needs it as well. Even if he hates it, fights it it tooth and nail, it's still the correct medicine for him and the reality he needs to face.

You two cannot remain friends during the healing process. How can you be friends while you stop all (ALL) communication? It's not possible. You don't want to move on, you want him to miss you. That's really what you want the most, right? Going NC for this reason will only drag things out. Be merciful if not for yourself, then for him.

Regardless of which of you forces it, this is necessary for both of you. Cut all contact and focus on yourself. The sooner you do this and truly adhere to it, the sooner both of you can be happy again.

Sidenote: Tell your friend to mind her business. What the hell is she getting involved for?

I want him in my life though. We are friends and have this connection....

....said just about everyone whose been through or going through a breakup*

To heal or to be ‘true’ friends or in fact, both, takes time. This is still pretty raw for you.

I was going to say that NC is for you to get out of the fire and heal. Not to ‘get him back’....but I see the others have already stated that.

Like they’ve said, I would just continue on. Don’t go pouring more fuel on the fire and burning yourself. If he misses you enough he knows where to find you....and how can he miss you enough if you’re always there?

I think I’ll put a video up today on Weaning Off....*

Carus*

OP, I know it hurts, but you won't be able to friends for a long time. Not until you are far further along in your healing, to the point where you would feel relatively indifferent about him dating another woman.

No Contact is for you. Not to make him miss you. Might it have that effect anyway? Perhaps. There is no guarantee, though.

Why did he break up with you?

Why did you break up? How long did you date and how long ago did you break up. What ruined it was believing "doing no contact" was a gimmick to get your ex back. If you are playing games, most people will see through that.

If you want to end things delete and block him from all messaging apps and social media. If you want to reconcile, do it in a mature way by reaching out and asking if you can talk over a cup of coffee.

I decided to go no contact with my ex to hopefully get him to miss me. Is there no way to do no contact again without him thinking I’m trying to make him miss me again?

We broke up because he just started developing feels for someone else, and thought the grass was greener. We dated for about 8 months, but were in love with eachother a long, LONG time before we even officially dated.

It did ruin it. It’s not that he saw through it. It’s that my friend told him I was purposely ignoring him to make him miss me. She told him everything.

I apologized, but he doesn’t fully forgive me because he feels hurt and lied to. He thought I killed my self when I was ignoring him. He was worried SICK. Now, I don’t know where we stand. We still sometimes talk... but it doesn’t feel the same.

Why would he think something this dramatic? You need better friends to confide in and better communication than playing games.

It’s that my friend told him I was purposely ignoring him to make him miss me. She told him everything.

 

He thought I killed my self when I was ignoring him.

We broke up because he just started developing feels for someone else, and thought the grass was greener. We dated for about 8 months, but were in love with eachother a long, LONG time before we even officially dated.

 

It did ruin it. It’s not that he saw through it. It’s that my friend told him I was purposely ignoring him to make him miss me. She told him everything.

 

I apologized, but he doesn’t fully forgive me because he feels hurt and lied to. He thought I killed my self when I was ignoring him. He was worried SICK. Now, I don’t know where we stand. We still sometimes talk... but it doesn’t feel the same.

The point of NC is to work on becoming un-emeshed. You worrying about him, he worries about you is still a intense exchange of emotions going on between two people who are not even together anymore.

Firstly, you need to get real about your intention here. On one hand you say you are in NC to move on, while at the same time you're hoping he wants you back. Then you are upset because someone told him that you were doing this in hopes he would want you back?!

There is some truth in that, isn't there? You just stated it.

So don't be mad at your friend, but mad at yourself that you are all over the place. You can't straddle the fence here. Moving on requires a commitment. Holding out for someone to love you back is the opposite of that. You can't do both.

In the meantime, I am sorry. I know it hurts.

It sounds like you've been played by this guy and your friend. It's possible they all see through you and dislike what you're doing. He started feeling for someone else (is he in a relationship with another woman?) and your friend opened her big mouth to gossip about you.

I think you should straighten yourself out and stop communicating with or dreaming up any type of connection between yourself and your ex. He's bonkers if he thinks that worrying over you now is going to make up for the lost time and the past between you. Raise your self-confidence by being around people who honour and respect you.

Your female friend is probably doing you a favour in a roundabout and rude way. Thank your lucky stars for her because this may be the wake up call that you need. Stay away from her and others who gossip about you behind your back. This goes back to raising your self-confidence again and being smarter about your company and those you call friends.

I was not played by this guy. I was played by my friend, though. He sees right through me now. He thinks I’m desperate liar who hurt him.

I should’ve never told her anything about what I was doing. If I didn’t, I’d be fine right now. The thing is, I never did trust anyone. I know not to trust people. But the moment someone gained my trust they broke it.

I want to fix things with him, but I feel as if it’s too late.

I’m hurt that I hurt him. I lost him. He’s the only person I’ve ever had that would never intentionally hurt me or with me. He wouldn’t gossip about me. He would actually care if I died. (I know that sounds weird but I remember this dark time when I was suicidal and he was the only one who cared)

I’m hurt that I hurt him. I lost him. He’s the only person I’ve ever had that would never intentionally hurt me or with me. He wouldn’t gossip about me. He would actually care if I died. (I know that sounds weird but I remember this dark time when I was suicidal and he was the only one who cared)

You hurt him how exactly? By not talking to him after he dumped you?

You are intentionally making this all about you hurting him so you have can create some opportunity to make it up to him.

It's your attempt at trying to stay attached.

But he's already gone. You are hurt by that and have every right to move away from something that hurts you.

He lost that right the moment he decided to break up with you.

Better yet, you should not have played games to try to get his attention and get him back. When you admit your ploy backfired you'll see the light and not blame everyone else. This friend simply told the truth. You messed things up.

He sees right through me now. I should’ve never told her anything about what I was doing. If I didn’t, I’d be fine right now.

I don't understand why he would assume you had tried to kill yourself. Have you threatened that before?