Arguments with wife

My wife and I have been married over 3 years now. We have a beautiful girl who is 14 months. I’ve been down lately as I lost my mum 6 months ago. So a hormonal wife and a grieving husband. So we’ve been getting into petty arguments. But every time we argue My wife is asking ME to leave HER after every disagreement or says “we should go our separate ways”.. Why would she say this ?

Our sex life is non existent since the baby. I took condoms on holiday recently and she said “no way” and told me to stay on the other side of the bed. Every time I touch her i get a “get off me”

Any advice ? Is my marriage over ?

What are the arguments about?

Maybe you both are going through rough spots. You are dealing with death and honestly need the support and love of your wife during this time.

As for her maybe after the baby she is hormonal and could possibly have some kind of postpartum depression. I still feel like she should be more compassionate towards your situation. Has she always been this way or when did it start?

She think I give her dirty looks? How my family members have treating her..

Besides rejecting sex, does she reject holding hands, a kiss, hugs? Do you both work? Does she feel the chores and child care duties are equally divided? If she brings up separating while arguing, tell her that really hurts your feelings because on your part, you want the relationship to last a lifetime and thought you two could always work on issues to come to a consensus.

As for you, start asking your wife for what you want (besides sex for now), like: I'm really feeling down today about my mum's passing and could use a hug. And: I think a walk in the park today with you and the baby will lift my spirits.

Don't initiate sex right now, but do try to retain or regain a physical connection. Give her a back or foot massage. Pick up some little treat for her at the store--candy she likes, or flowers, or a potted plant. Ask her what kind of help she needs in the day--a honey-do list. Ask her how she thinks your relationship could be improved. Caress her hair when you're sitting on the couch.

See if making this sort of effort improves things between you over the next few months. If not, maybe couples counseling can help. Good luck.

Honestly I can’t even remember. When we were dating she was quite reserved. I didn’t put it down to her compassion, I thought it was just her; Didn’t want to get too involved etc.

For example, this morning she told me to “get off her” when I she was getting changed for work I hugged her from behind. I just don’t get it

She doesn’t reject hugs when I am upset and thinking about my mum she does hug me- but that’s it. I could get that from a stranger in the park.

Yes both work now, she’s gone back to work after maternity. Duties are divided (60/40) because I suggested we take turns sleeping in the spare room so we could both get a good nights sleep whilst baby is teething.

I can give this a try though, thank you!

Do you give her dirty looks? 🐷 Do you fight a lot? Is your family nasty to her?

She think I give her dirty looks? How my family members have treating her..

I don’t think I do. I roll my eyes a lot...

family nasty to her? Errrm depends who you ask, he’s become very sensitive of late

Ok if you wish to save your marriage, you need to try to communicate in a marriage therapist's office. It's neutral, professional and a safe place to get all this pent up resentment and contempt out in the open. For example: Your wife and family do not get along. Does your wife work? Do you help out around the house?

First of all, stop rolling your eyes at her. It's dismissive and contemptuous. It's not helping things, most of all, she's not going to get all sexy on you when you treat her like that. You are creating your own misery with your passive-aggressive attitudes.

My wife and I have been married over 3 years now. we’ve been getting into petty arguments. Our sex life is non existent since the baby. Every time I touch her i get a “get off me”

I don’t think I do. I roll my eyes a lot...

family nasty to her? Errrm depends who you ask, he’s become very sensitive of late

Really? That's pretty dismissive, contemptuous, insulting and ultimately childish.

When someone tells you that they no longer care if you are gone, that's a neon flashing sign that your relationship is in deep deep trouble and needs immediate repair work and a change of the dynamic. She sounds completely exhausted, mentally, emotionally, physically and these petty arguments, it takes two to argue, so you are a big big part of the problem. Do you know how to back down? Do you keep at it until you "win"?

People get fed up which is quite different from suddenly being sensitive. When people get fed up, they are no longer tolerant of bad behavior and if bad behavior continues long enough....you'll find yourself without a wife, only half your stuff, and a big child support bill every month. Is that what you want? Probably not. Start talking to each other like two human beings, with some empathy. Stop picking petty fights, stop focusing on sex and start working on your emotional bond and communication first. She won't be feeling sexy until issues are resolved between you.

Have you considered marriage counseling? How much do you contribute with the baby?

When you go in for a hug, are there still some unresolved issues between you?

You two need to resolve your differences first before you go in for some sort of physical contact.

Not the other way around.

Maybe it's a good time to put down the resentments for a moment and try and get back to some semblance of friendliness in the relationship. Both of you have to get along in order to have something work. Congratulations on the new baby. Be there for each other and don't break each other down. Grow stronger together, not weaker.

My wife and I have been married over 3 years now. We have a beautiful girl who is 14 months. I’ve been down lately as I lost my mum 6 months ago. So a hormonal wife and a grieving husband. So we’ve been getting into petty arguments. But every time we argue My wife is asking ME to leave HER after every disagreement or says “we should go our separate ways”.. Why would she say this ?

 

Our sex life is non existent since the baby. I took condoms on holiday recently and she said “no way” and told me to stay on the other side of the bed. Every time I touch her i get a “get off me”

 

Any advice ? Is my marriage over ?

Your wife should see a counselor ASAP. She may have depression or post-partum depression. 14 months without ANY intimacy and telling you not to touch her? I'd have given her the ultimatum or either go to counseling or we're getting divorced. No matter what anyone tells you, sex is one of the most important things in a marriage. If you're not having sex with your spouse you're basically roommates or friends, nothing else. Period and end of discussion on that point.

I divorced my wife after 9 months of no sex and no affection. I'm much much MUCH happier now and dating someone who has the same ideas of the importance of intimacy and sex as I do. Your child will suffer MORE with parents who are married and miserable than parents who are divorced and happy. Your wife no longer loves you and you're no longer a priority to her.