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Thread: I don't know what to do

  1. #1

    I don't know what to do

    So I recently moved to college. It's not that far from my hometown but its a big city and full of new people. I am not the type of person who opens up easily so I haven't found my "group" yet.
    Recently I have been thinking about my high school "best friend". I really miss him but it's more then a "I miss my friend". I liked him romantically in high school and he told me that he liked me but he couldn't take it to the next step.
    How do I move on from that? Should I tell him how I feel? Why do I feel kinda empty? I feel like he is living his life and I'm still living in the past.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Open yourself up to joining clubs and associations that interest you (stay within the realms of promoting balance, good mental and physical health and don't dabble in hobbies that take away from your general health, wellbeing or ability to function or do well in your classes). If this is your first time away from home for a few weeks, it's disorienting and you should expect some homesickness. You'll wonder about things at home and miss things about your hometown or your home and your family/friends that might never have crossed your mind before. All that heartache is for something. It'll teach you gratitude: to be grateful for everything, big and little, in your life. It'll help you recognize details that you may not have recognized before. These are all character-building.

    Regarding this friend of yours, it's another lesson in friendship. Friends come and go and sometimes without any word or pomp and ceremony. They simply fade out of our lives as we grow forwards.

    I don't think there's any right or wrong about whether or not to tell him how you feel but whatever you do, be prepared for the consequences. Ask yourself questions like: if I do this, how will it change anything? will it make me feel better or what good will it do? If you think getting your feelings out in the open is better and you have a solid friendship with this person, I don't think you're harming anyone by doing it. If he's in a relationship with someone else, don't do it. Be respectful and considerate of others and don't look for drama.

    You'll eventually grow out of this rough patch after you begin to settle into more of a routine and start feeling more independent (less lonely or missing home). That sharp edge will dull eventually even if it's always there. In time as you cultivate your interests and your life on campus, you'll rebuild new attachments to a new life and that edge that was once razor sharp and painful may vanish entirely even though those lessons in gratitude linger and persist throughout your lifetime. It helps to stay grateful and grounded. It all takes a little time. Be patient with yourself and never ever sell yourself short.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You sound homesick. The best thing to do is join some clubs and groups and sports. Find people in your classes to study with. Make friends with your dorm or house mates. You don't have to find a clique like high school or 'open up' to anyone. Be friendly, smile say hi ask questions. Get outside yourself and take an interest in those around you. Just join some activities. Start looking for social activities and events you could attend.

    It's fine to stay in touch with friends back home, but contacting this crush could make you feel even lonelier since it was an unrequited situation. Start dating where you are now. If you are feeling overwhelmed or depressed go to a the campus help center and ask to speak to a counselor.
    Originally Posted by Amethyst21
    I recently moved to college. It's not that far from my hometown but its a big city and full of new people.
    Recently I have been thinking about my high school "best friend". I liked him romantically in high school and he told me that he liked me but he couldn't take it to the next step.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When you're not happy in your present, it's common to look to people in your past you once enjoyed the company of. But as the saying goes: When the past comes calling, don't answer. It has nothing new to say.

    As others have said, join a club, something fun or something you can be passionate about, whether or not it involves your major. My daughter was in an environmental club since she majored in environmental studies. When I was in community college, I joined the ski club and was also invited to parties by members of that club. Plus we took a trip to a ski resort on one occasion. I also made friends in a P.E. class, soccer, since you can't help but talk to your teammates and cheer each other on.

    Don't pressure yourself to make friends right now, though. It's unnecessary, as you're going to be surrounded by so many people your age, and you will eventually gel with certain people. Just be more "open" with your facial expressions and body language. Don't cross your arms. Try to smile at people in passing. Make small talk, asking what they think of the professor, or anything else involving the class.

    What I liked about college is that I no longer saw cliques. Besides the heavy workload, I really enjoyed my years in college and hope you do too. Take care.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    How do I move on from that? Should I tell him how I feel? Why do I feel kinda empty? I feel like he is living his life and I'm still living in the past.
    No, don't tell him how you feel. You're targeting your romantic feelings as the thing to focus on because it distracts you from the hard work of adjusting your life to the new place.

    It's pretty typical for freshmen to hate their first semester. It's not everyone's experience, but it's common enough to find others in your classes or dorm who don't appear to be that thrilled. Seek them out for friendship rather than shooting for the people who already have friends and don't seem to need more friends.

    This doesn't mean that any additional friendships are off limits, it just means that it's easier to connect with people who are receptive than those who might try to be polite but are already focused on their own social lives.

    I'd remain in loose touch with the high school friend, but there's no way that I'd try to add romantic pressure to that relationship. The guy was already clear that he's not up for that kind of tie while you're both trying to start new lives. Keep him on a back burner for maybe someday in the future--but far, far into the future.

    Meanwhile, decide each morning whether you want to drill yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of by talking yourself into hating your experience, or whether you will open your mind to being kind to at least one other person today, even if it doesn't result in a friendship. I find it helpful to be kind to others when I'm not feeling so great, and I've learned from experience that it tends to reflect back on me and lift ME up.

    Also consider that your tuition has already paid for on-campus counseling, so why not pursue it and use it?

    Head high.


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