Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 36

Thread: Can we get back together at our age

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    21

    Can we get back together at our age

    Iím 46 and he is 42 and we started off being good friends/ co workers for about 5 years. We were both in relationships at the time and would even help each other with advice on relationships at the time
    We eventually both ended up single and we both knew we had strong feelings for each other, we decided to date. We dated for a year and than he ended up moving in with me and his son also.. we had a hard time adjusting to each otherís quirks and he always had a hard time feeling at home here no matter how hard I tried..
    One night after a big fight he decided he needed to get his own place to feel like something was his.. he needed time and space he said but wants to still remain friends. He said he still loves me but lost the spark after the fight
    Of course I begged and pleaded and did all the things we arenít supposed to do but I was so heartbroken.. we had a family together, he has a daughter also that we would get on weekends too, so not only was I losing him but her also.. his son continue too lives with me..

    My ex tried for a month before he decided to move with friends, he said if he didnít do it than that he never would.. I think the big rush had a lot to do with me asking him daily if he changed his mind and would he stay. I think it pushed him away.

    I cried a little but accepted his decision. That was a month ago. Itís very hard to stay strong due to us seeing each other at work every day,

    He still flirts with me and calls me babe and hug and kiss here and there but makes no effort to spend time outside of work

    Today I asked him if we are ever gonna hang out(sounds stupid at our age) and he said he would like to have Chinese food and chill out with me very soon..

    But I also sense him pulling away and becoming distant at times

    He is also going thru a lot of financial issues and custody issues with his ex wife, which I know is effecting him right now

    Iím thinking no contact for at least a week or two but scared too due to his insecurity issues

    Any ideas or input to help my situation

    Heís also been there since my granddaughter was born and she called him papa, she was a papas girl big time

    He hasnít seen her since he left and that breaks my heart

    Please help

    I just want my whole family complete again

  2. #2
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,666
    Wait... his son still lives with you? How old is his son? Seems odd that he continues to live there without his dad, no?

    Also, how long were you both single before you got together?

    Maybe he met another woman and wants to date her... or just wants to play the field... or wants to do his own thing without having to be accountable to anyone... whatever the case, when someone says they lost their spark for the relationship and that they want their freedom, it means the relationship is over.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,636
    Gender
    Female
    This isn't your family anymore though, OP. It's over and you've broken up. He moved out and is living elsewhere. You are no longer a couple. The work situation isn't helping because you seeing him on a constant basis has not helped you recover from the finality of it really being over. Somehow you've tricked your brain into thinking you're getting back together and still a "family" because you see one another on a daily or regular basis.

    Him flirting with you is not good and you should learn to create better boundaries for your own sanity and mental health. You're spiraling and living in delusion. Please stop doing this. Don't put up with his come ons and flirting and don't reciprocate. Both of you are behaving immaturely and disrespectfully towards each other.

    Forget being "scared" or worried about his "insecurity issues". His issues are not your issues. You're treating him like he's fragile for some bizarre and strange reason. His financial and custody issues are also not your issues. Don't take on a parent role. It's unbecoming and inappropriate. He can handle himself and if he can't, stop being his safety net. The relationship is over.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,328
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Ecajan1973

    Iím thinking no contact for at least a week or two but scared too due to his insecurity issues
    Too scared to take care of yourself?

    Pretty clear he''s doing what's good for him and putting his welfare first, yet you are patiantly waiting and being over tolerant of his actions.

    Tell him that you love him but until which time he decides what he wants that you'll be creating some distance so you can heal and move forward. He knows where to find you.

    Think about. He wont really respect someone who will sit on the sidelines while at the same time giving him an open door pass to your life - after he's already turned his back on you.
    Have some respect - for you.
    He may or may not feel the same way.
    But what you're doing isn't working.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,769
    It's not going to work, OP. I'm sorry.

    If he loved you like you wanted him to, he wouldn't have left. He would have tried to find ways to bring the spark back.

    But he walked.

    He's made his choice, you've got to come to terms with it now.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,769
    Think of it this way...he walked out and you're still sitting there waiting for him to come back, and he knows it. He is basically having his cake and eat it too.

    You've got to have more self respect than that.
    Tell him you are done. He left, therefore he has no rights to you or your life anymore. Then prove it.

    Get his son out of there, stop contact with him.

    Maybe it will be enough to wake him up, maybe not. Either way, you'll have more self respect and not look as desperate as you do now.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    21
    His son is 19 and has autism and other issues.. he does not want to live with his father and wants to stay with me. He has no one else to go to and no matter what is going on with his father and myself. I canít kick him out

    Iím definitely gonna start thinking of myself starting today.. Iím no longer gonna contact him and keep work at professional level

    I have to start thinking of myself and my happiness regardless if heís in my life or not

    Iíll never give up hope but I definitely need to let go

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    21
    Also he still has a lot of his stuff here and his mail is still being delivered here. Should I ask for him to fix that

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,398
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry this is happening. Where is he staying now? It sounds like he moved into your place as a sort of refuge from his impending divorce, but now wants to settle into his own new life. Unfortunately it also seems as if living together right away revealed a lot of incompatibilities. Let him sort this out on his own and give him space. His son needs to make other arrangements with his own mother and father.
    Originally Posted by Ecajan1973
    Also he still has a lot of his stuff here and his mail is still being delivered here. Should I ask for him to fix that

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    21
    He has no mother, she abandoned him when he was a baby and Iíve been the only steady figure in his life and donít have the heart or donít think itís right to throw him out the door

    He does not want to live with his father and asked to stay with me

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •